My boyfriend (24M) will breakup with me (25F) if I buy a house?

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By a serene Ontario lake, a 25-year-old woman envisions her future in a fixer-upper house, a dream fueled by her savings and family support. But her boyfriend, with plans to move far away, casts a shadow over her joy with breakup vibes.

This isn’t just about a house; it’s about clashing dreams and tough choices. Her bold move to buy the property puts their 7-month romance on the line. Can love survive when home and heart pull in opposite directions?

‘My boyfriend (24M) will breakup with me (25F) if I buy a house?’

I’ve been very blessed and fortunate that my parents created a savings account for me to buy my first home. I finished my MA and moved back home to save some cash to buy a house. I moved home about a year and a half ago, I met my now boyfriend (he’s doing an apprenticeship in town and wants to move back to his hometown when he’s finished, 7hours away.)

We’ve been dating for 7months. I’ve managed to save up money (not a crazy amount ~15k) to start at least looking around. My parents then told me about the savings account they have for me (~30k). I’ve been now invested in finding a place. I found a place last week (an intensive fixer upper, like I’m talking gutting it from ground up) but it’s my dream location in my hometown by the water and I love the idea of making it my own (obviously with a lot of time, money, and help)!!

I brought this up to my boyfriend and he’s been stone walling me with everything I bring up with me buying this house? Saying things like “that’s going to take years to fix”, “that’s going to cost so much to fix”, etc. Like I already know this?? But it’s giving me more of “if you do this we’re through” vibes… and I just don’t know what to do or say to him that I haven’t already…. Is this him finding a way out because he wants to move back to his hometown?. Is he jealous?

I want to be with him, he’s truly the man of my dreams, but are we just in different places in life?. **more info**. - He is not expected to help with anything to do with this house. He’s an electrician apprentice. - His apprenticeship ends in ~2years. - The house is being sold by a family friend to me for $120K (price of the lot).

- Don’t know how house by the water means seaside villa? I live in Ontario so when someone mentions water it’s more like a house by a body of water I.e. a lake. - I haven’t sent in a letter of offer to buy this place I am just seeing how the rest of the world feels about this situation.

- SIDE NOTE: If I do put a letter of offer in yes I would be able to live at home for the time being (and yes BF would be able to live with me at my family home if he would even want that??) - I FULLY UNDERSTAND THAT IT WILL TAKE YEARS AND LOTS OF MONEY TO DO THIS UNLESS I DIE TOMORROW AT MY RIPE AGE OF 25 I WILL BE ABLE TO DO THIS PROJECT OVER TIME WITH MONEY THAT I MAKE.

- I also didn’t know about him wanting to go back home until about a month and half ago. - Clarification I would be doing this while working FT from home, and would be doing this project over the course of 5+ years to either rent, live, or sell it - An investment property for the future.. **update**

- I’ve already told him that I would be also willing to move to his hometown after he’s done his apprenticeship (whenever that is, maybe 2 years but the program is apparently backed up so could be longer?)… but I just feel like it’s a sacrifice he wouldn’t do for me, so yeah.. - I will keep everyone posted of our conversation after him and I talk (he’s gone to play golf).

**major update** For everyone commenting here about “how can I afford a house when I have nothing to my name”.. you don’t know that.. - I pulled from my TFSA and bought the house outright for $100,000.. - Told my boyfriend that he can either get by it or leave.. - I’ll be a home owner as of July 20th 🙌

This house-versus-heart saga highlights a young couple at a life-defining fork. Her drive to own a fixer-upper screams independence, while his stonewalling hints at fear of being tethered—or perhaps envy. Buying the house outright was her power move, but his silence speaks volumes.

Their mismatch is stark. “Couples need aligned goals for long-term success,” says Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert (source: Gottman Institute). “Incompatible life plans can fracture even strong bonds.” A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association shows 40% of young couples split over differing ambitions, like location or career paths (source: APA).

Her willingness to move later clashes with his apparent inflexibility. His apprenticeship’s uncertain timeline adds strain, and his breakup threat feels controlling. Reddit’s right: 7 months isn’t long enough to derail her dreams.

What’s the path forward? Dr. Gottman advises, “Discuss your non-negotiables openly.” She should clarify if he’s open to compromise or just biding time. If he won’t budge, she’s better off building her house—and life—solo.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s takes are like a splash of lake water—bracing, clear, and no holds barred. Here’s what they tossed into the mix:

ChanceAd3606 − Your boyfriend is planning to move back home which is 7 hours away, and you're talking about buying a house where you currently live...and you're telling me you don't understand why he isn't thrilled about your decision?

This_Grab_452 − Soo… are you two even serious? If the answer is yes, I would expect you have had a conversation about what life you see for yourselves. He wants to move 7hrs away from the home you’re planning to buy. This does not sound like you’re trying to build anything together.

Diasies_inMyHair − You know that he wants to ultimately move 7 hours away. You know that you want this house. Where does that leave you in the long run? Besides, you've only been dating him for 7 months. That's not long at all. You are going to have to do what is best for you and let things work out however they are going to work out.

EdWoodWoodWood − Buy the house, roll your sleeves up, get stuck in. It'll take you at least twice as long as you think and cost more than double what you fear, but it'll be worth it. If he's up for being your partner with the challenge, good on him. If not, you'll be a single lass with a house by the water ;-)

Choice-Intention-926 − So you’re going to give up the home of your dreams for a man you’ve known for 7-months who has shown he’s not willing to give up any of his dreams for you. What other dreams do you have to give up?

You say you just finished your masters but what if he wants a stay at home wife. I guess thats another dream you have to give up for him. Sounds to me like he’d rather have you use your resources on his behalf.

You can’t live your life for the comfort of others. You can’t put aside your wants for the wants of others. That’s where resentment comes from. Buy your house. Fix it up. Worst case scenario you end up moving away but you have a place you can rent out and come back to. Never sell your first home. It’s a premarital asset, and no one can take it from you.

Cat_o_meter − You do what you gotta do but just fyi I used to renovate entire old homes, down to the plaster and lathe/studs and it's extremely expensive and exhausting. You need demo dumpsters, permits, contractors for electric and plumbing and that doesn't even account for the materials. It was my only job and it STILL took a significant amount of time.

If you are working full time and doing most yourself expect it to take upwards of 3 years depending. And if there's asbestos or mold remediation is expensive I was certified and I'd never do it again. Please be super realistic, make a list of renovation costs Plus home purchase costs and compare to houses not in need of gutting first.

Also the market is bananas right now ... I'm talking just materials can run 70,000+. Then skilled labor for things like roofing, electric, plumbing is usually 200+ an hour. Final edit NGL if my partner decided to purchase a 🏡 that required gutting and wanted to do it themselves but had no experience I would rethink things only because I know firsthand the work and costs

throwaway2161980 − You’re making an assumption. If he’s truly the man of your dreams you should be able to *ask* him. He may be worried you’re going to rope him into fixing up basically a tear down. He may be worried about being rooted in one town. He may be insecure you have more money than him. He may be worried you’re making a bad decision on the house.

He may like sad beige condos and thinks the house is h**eous. Point is. Stop making assumptions and talk to him directly. Just sit with yourself beforehand and decide what is a dealbreaker and what isn’t. That way if he comes at you stating anything like “I’ll break up with you if you buy that house.” You can make a clearheaded decision not motivated by “love”.

reality_junkie_xo − You only have $45k to your name 2/3 of which came from your parents  and you said that's going towards the down payment (and don't forget closing costs!) and you think you'll be able to redo an entire house by yourself... with no money? That would be the hugest of red flags for anyone with any sense.

You'll be living with your parents for years while pouring your paychecks into repairs. And you will be in no way able to even VISIT your bf, let alone move 7 hours away, because all of your money and time will be sunk into that house. Guaranteed, your parents will have opinions about how you go about renovations because they gave you money.

Very few gifts that large come without strings attached. Sounds like a nightmare all around. I'm not sure how you don't get that your boyfriend is obviously going to break up with you - you have mutually exclusive goals. You want to stay in your current area for years,

and on top of that you have shown that you are utterly fiscally irresponsible, buying a house you simply cannot afford and will be tied to for the foreseeable future. He's finishing up an apprenticeship to start his career in a place you won't be able to easily visit, let alone move to. What would be the point of continuing to date, knowing it won't work out?

Wandering_aimlessly9 − You: I want to buy a home where you do not want to live. It will take years to fix up to be livable bc it needs to be gutted.. Him: I’m not cool with that.. You: but it’s where I want to live. It’s my dream location and I can live at home.. Him: you do that but we aren’t staying together.. You: what’s wrong?!?! Why is he mad?!?!

The answer: bc you are making a unilateral decision to put down roots where he specifically doesn’t want to live and you want to force him to accept that. You can have him or the house. It’s up to you. He’s already told you what he is and isn’t ok with. So make your decision and move forward.

joe-dirt-1001 − It's your money and your house. Do what you want to do. His input isn't needed or necessary. Live your life how you want to live it.

These Redditors cheer her bold choice, but are they too quick to dismiss the boyfriend’s perspective? One thing’s certain: the internet loves a dreamer who bets on herself.

This lakeside tale of a house and a hard choice shows how dreams can test love’s strength. She claimed her future with a $100k purchase, daring her boyfriend to join or step aside. Their paths may diverge, but her resolve shines. What’s your take—would you buy the house or fight for love? Share your thoughts—how would you balance ambition and romance?

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