My boyfriend 23M tells me he won’t touch me 23F if I am wearing clothes/makeup he doesn’t like. How do I call him out on this?

Imagine stepping out for a date, a touch of eyeliner boosting your confidence, only to have your partner shut you down with a cold ultimatum: change or be ignored. For a 23-year-old woman, this is the reality of her three-year relationship. Her boyfriend’s relentless criticism of her simple moisturizer and eyeliner, paired with threats to withhold affection, has chipped away at her self-esteem, leaving her feeling unworthy of even trying to feel pretty.

Worse, he points out other women he finds attractive—often wearing the very makeup he forbids her from using. This Reddit story, pulsing with raw frustration, dives into the heart of control, confidence, and the fight to reclaim one’s identity. It’s a tale that hooks you, making you root for a woman caught between love and her right to self-expression.

‘My boyfriend 23M tells me he won’t touch me 23F if I am wearing clothes/makeup he doesn’t like. How do I call him out on this?’

A boyfriend dictating what his girlfriend can wear or how she presents herself isn’t just a preference—it’s control dressed up as concern. This 23-year-old woman’s story, marked by her boyfriend’s threats to withhold affection over minimal eyeliner, reveals a dynamic where her self-expression is stifled. His fixation on “natural” looks, while hypocritically praising other women’s made-up appearances, deepens her insecurity, keeping her on edge.

This behavior ties into broader patterns of coercive control in relationships. Studies show that controlling partners often use criticism and conditional affection to undermine confidence, making their partner feel dependent. The boyfriend’s actions—publicly admiring others while restricting her—seem designed to keep her self-esteem low, a tactic that can trap someone in a cycle of doubt.

Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes, a psychologist specializing in abusive relationships, notes, “Control over appearance is a red flag; it’s about power, not aesthetics.” Here, the boyfriend’s rules reflect a need to dominate, not a genuine dislike of makeup. His threats signal a lack of respect for her autonomy.

She could address this by calmly asserting her right to choose her appearance, perhaps saying, “I feel confident with my style, and I need you to respect that.” If he doubles down, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. Encouraging readers to share stories of reclaiming their confidence can inspire support and dialogue.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community came out swinging, unanimously slamming the boyfriend’s behavior as controlling and cruel. They called his criticism and threats emotional abuse, urging the woman to leave rather than tolerate his demands. Many highlighted his hypocrisy in praising other women’s looks, seeing it as a deliberate blow to her confidence.

The consensus was clear: she deserves a partner who uplifts her, not one who dictates her worth based on her appearance. The Reddit crowd’s blunt takes, from urging her to dump him to questioning why she’s stayed, light a fire under this story. Their outrage reflects a shared belief that no one should dim their shine for a partner’s ego.

This tale of a young woman stifled by her boyfriend’s controlling rules is a stark reminder that love should lift you up, not tear you down. Her struggle to wear a simple layer of eyeliner speaks to a deeper fight for self-worth and autonomy.

As the Reddit community cheered her on, the path forward seems clear: reclaiming her confidence starts with rejecting his control. Share your thoughts below—how would you break free from a partner’s unfair demands?