My (39M) girlfriend (39F) is upset that I ordered my ex flowers for Mother’s Day. How do I keep the peace?

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In a cozy home where love and tension collide, a 39-year-old man finds himself caught in a storm over a simple gesture. Ordering Mother’s Day flowers for his ex, the mother of his two daughters, seemed like a routine act of respect—until his girlfriend’s glare turned it into a battleground. Her accusations of disrespect and claims of stepmom status threaten to unravel their relationship, while he stands firm on his co-parenting boundaries.

This Reddit post dives into a relatable clash of loyalty, love, and family ties. His struggle to honor his daughters’ mother without alienating his girlfriend pulls readers into a delicate balancing act. Can he soothe her hurt while protecting his principles, or will this rift grow deeper? His story reminds us that co-parenting harmony can stir unexpected conflicts.

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‘My (39M) girlfriend (39F) is upset that I ordered my ex flowers for Mother’s Day. How do I keep the peace?’

I (39M) have two daughters from an ex-relationship that ended about fifteen years ago. If you do the math, you'll see that my ex (38F) and I had our children rather young. Both of my daughters are over sixteen, my eldest is 19F, and her sister is still a minor.

The mother of my children and I have definitely had our ups and downs but over the last ten years we have put our differences and (past) bitterness aside for the wellbeing of our children. I see my daughters often and have wonderful relationships with both of them.

The problem comes from an argument I had with my girlfriend (39F) earlier today. I come home for my lunch break, my girlfriend is doing work on her laptop on the couch. I start to make lunch in the kitchen and I remembered that I had wanted to call a local flower shop to preorder some flowers for Mother's Day.

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I call the floral shop and I order two arrangements: one for the mother of my kids and the other for my mother. After I finish the call I hang up and take my lunch into the living room, where my girlfriend immediately glares at me over her computer.. I ask her what's wrong and she flips.

Her argument is the following:. 1. It's disrespectful to her, as my girlfriend, to be buying my ex flowers.. 2. I didn't place any order to buy her flowers, she is a stepmom. 3. My daughters are old enough to where I should not have to talk to my ex anymore.

I argued back that I have always bought flowers for their mother on Mother's Day. (This made her more upset because she was unaware, she claims she needs to be aware of any and all gifts I give to my ex). I told her that buying her flowers for Mother's Day was unnecessary because she wasn't a stepmom.

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I had this conversation with my eldest daughter about two years ago when I was about to ask my now girlfriend out. My daughter told me then that she didn't want another mom or a stepmom because she already had a mom and felt she was too old to add another maternal or paternal figure into her life.

She is respectful of my girlfriend but both of my daughters call her by her name, she is not a stepmom. I made her cry and that wasn't my intention, however I did want to make the boundary very clear that my ex will always be in the picture, we had this conversation before we had started dating.

It's not like once my daughters turn 18 we no longer need to speak ever again, we have been through a lot and are completely civil. I want to emphasize that there is NOTHING there with my ex anymore, but we will share the same grandchildren (and children!) for the rest of our lives.

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I wanted to set that boundary now out of respect for my daughters if anything. I do not want my girlfriend to influence my co-parenting situation at all, but how do I keep the peace but stand my ground?

Navigating a partner’s discomfort with co-parenting gestures requires empathy and clarity, but this man’s girlfriend’s reaction suggests deeper insecurities. His tradition of sending flowers to his ex honors her role as his daughters’ mother, not a romantic tie, yet his girlfriend’s hurt reflects a misaligned view of her place in his family.

Dr. Elisabeth Shaw, a family therapist, notes, “Partners of co-parents often feel threatened by the ex’s permanent presence, especially without clear roles” (Relationships Australia). His girlfriend’s claim to stepmom status, despite his daughters’ rejection of that role, may stem from wanting inclusion in a family dynamic she feels excluded from. A 2023 Pew Research Center study found that 40% of blended families face tension over step-parent boundaries, often due to unclear expectations (Pew Research Center).

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The broader issue is the challenge of integrating a new partner into a co-parenting framework. His girlfriend’s demand to be informed of gifts to his ex oversteps, as it’s a parental decision, not a romantic one. Her comment about cutting contact with his ex ignores the reality of lifelong co-parenting ties, as graduations and grandchildren will keep them connected.

Dr. Shaw suggests “open dialogue to validate feelings while reinforcing boundaries.” He could acknowledge her hurt, perhaps with a small Mother’s Day gesture like a card, but firmly clarify that his co-parenting choices are non-negotiable. Couples therapy might help align their expectations.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew jumped in with a mix of cheers and reality checks, like a lively family barbecue debate. From praising his co-parenting to questioning his girlfriend’s motives, here’s their take:

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Desperate-Ad7967 − I do stuff like that for my son's mom and my gf supports it. She knows it's not romantic at all

SenatorRobPortman − Yo. I think something more is going on with your girlfriend. Is it possible she feels like she is on the outside of your family? When she really wants to be inside with the four of you? I obviously don’t know but might be a good idea to ask.

There’s no reason for her to be upset if it really is just about the flowers. I actually think that’s really nice of you to do. Your ex is the mother of your kids. I hope she gives you the same kindness. If more people were this way then the world would be a lot kinder. 

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Ok_Introduction9466 − Idk what the other comments are on about you didn’t buy flowers for just an ex, they’re for the mother of your kids on Mother’s Day lmao I’m confused…I would only date a single father if he had this healthy of a relationship with the mother of his children or something really close, no matter what age the kids are.

Anything less than getting along well and both being actively in your kids lives is a red flag. That said there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing…and who is your girlfriend a step mom to? Your daughters? Is she married to someone with kids and seeing you at the same time? She’s not a stepmom.

Even coparents that hate each other still have to see each other sometimes. Your daughters are going to get married, have kids, those kids will have birthday parties, holidays, etc. You and your ex are literally going to be around each other for the rest of your lives lol. Your girlfriend is way too jealous and kind of overstepping idk.

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KindHearted_IceQueen − Honestly, I don’t think your girlfriend is truly prepared to date a dad because in my opinion, the “your daughters are old enough for you to stop talking to your ex-wife” is a wild and unrealistic statement to make. What exactly does she expect you to do for your children’s various future life events like birthdays or graduations etc?

If I were dating a single dad, him having a healthy and positive dynamic with his ex wife would be a green flag in my eyes. I think what you’re doing is a nice gesture for your ex-wife. My only suggestion is if moving forward you can make this a group activity with your daughters? So perhaps they come with you to choose the flowers? Then the Mother’s Day gift is from all of you which could be even sweeter.

I think it makes sense for you to stand firm on this. I get the feeling if you give in to one of her requests regarding this matter, she’s going to expect a lot more in the future that can potentially come at the cost of your relationship with your daughters in the long run.

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voidedmuse23 − It's okay to buy your ex flower's for Mother's Day since she is the mother of your children. You have a good relationship with her and coparent well. It's a nice gesture. Any woman who can't accept this has her own problems.. Source -- I'm a stepmother

DWPhoenix001 − My wife and I have often discussed how we would be as parents should (the gods forbid) we ever split for the sake of our son.. This, this is exactly how I would hope we'd be. Your not buying flowers for your ex, your buying flowers for the mother of your kids. You are showing your daughters that just because you don't love each other as you once did, you still respect and care for them as another human being.

areyoufuckingwme − Ya ordered flowers for two of the three most important (minus your daughters) women in your life, in front of the third one... Ya dummy. You could have at least ordered her flowers for the f**k of it. You keep the peace by surprising her with something bigger than flowers on mother's day.

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TryingAgain8 − Maybe your gf thinks a bouquet is a little romantic, ask her if it would be the same if you buy a fruit basquet xD

judgemental_t − What’s the long term view with your gf? If your daughters have kids will they recognize your gf as stepgrandma? Does she feed the kids when they are with you? Does she make sure they have clean sheets to sleep on etc and snacks to eat or do you handle all of it?

Ashcrashh − I personally don’t think you’re in the wrong, your youngest is still a minor as you stated, and I think it’s good to set a good example of appreciating her mom even though you two are no longer together. So many kids of divorce see the bitter, ugly side and I think it’s great you are teaching your daughters it doesn’t always have to be like that.

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I feel like having a child with someone is a special bond, even if both parties have fallen out of love, it’s still worth celebrating and appreciating her for the children you two brought into this world. If it’s only for Mother’s Day I don’t see a problem.

These Redditors back his gesture but flag his girlfriend’s jealousy as a red flag, urging communication or even rethinking the relationship. Some suggest involving his daughters in the gift, but do their takes fully capture the emotional complexity of her hurt? One thing’s clear: this story has sparked a heated discussion.

This man’s story is a vivid reminder that co-parenting harmony can ripple into new relationships, stirring unexpected waves. His Mother’s Day flowers for his ex were meant to honor his daughters’ mother, but his girlfriend’s reaction reveals a clash of roles and expectations. Can he bridge this gap with empathy while standing firm, or is this a sign of deeper issues? His journey challenges us to reflect on balancing love and loyalty. How would you handle a partner’s discomfort with your co-parenting choices? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation.

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