My (36F) daughter’s (18F) friend (18F) stole a $4900 watch from my husband (56M) and we don’t know how to tell her parents

A quiet afternoon in a family home shattered when a $4,900 watch vanished from a desk, leaving a couple staring at security footage in disbelief. Their daughter’s 18-year-old friend, a frequent guest, slipped the watch into her pocket in mere seconds, unraveling months of trust. For the 36-year-old mother and her 56-year-old husband, the theft—part of a $6,000 spree including jewelry—stings like a personal betrayal, threatening their daughter’s friendship and their sense of safety.

The couple’s heart aches not just for their lost valuables but for the young woman’s choices, teetering between seeking justice and offering a second chance. Readers can feel their turmoil, caught in a web of loyalty, empathy, and the need to protect their family. This story pulls us into a delicate dilemma: how do you confront wrongdoing without burning bridges or hardening hearts?

‘My (36F) daughter’s (18F) friend (18F) stole a $4900 watch from my husband (56M) and we don’t know how to tell her parents’

Our daughter (18F) has been friends with this girl (18F) for about eight or nine months and in the last few months she has started inviting her to our house more often because they are classmates and sometimes they have projects to do together.

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Well, last week she came to our house and my husband (56M) was helping them with a project, since they are studying the same thing he studied, and at one point my youngest daughter came home with her friends so my eldest daughter and her friend went to my husband's office.

And according to him, he had taken off his watch and left it on his desk, and our daughter saw it, so he was right. But when her friend left, the watch was gone, and after searching for it throughout the house I (36F) decided to check the security cameras, and she took it when she was left alone in the office for less than five seconds.

To my surprise, my daughter wasn't surprised because according to her, this is the third time that valuable things have disappeared from our house, the first two times she stole a pair of gold earrings and a gold necklace from my daughter, and she thought she lost them because honestly she loses her things all the time,

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but my daughter is sure that her necklace and earrings were in her jewelry box and that her friend took them. And now my husband and I don't know if we should tell her parents since she has stolen a significant sum of money from our house and the last thing we want is to get the police involved, we just want to get our stuff back and help her get help because she clearly has a problem.

How can you talk to parents about this without them feeling offended? In total she stole almost $6,000 from our house and that's not right, but she's young and we want to give her another chance, that's why we're not going to involve the police, and that's why we also want to talk to her parents, what would be the correct way to face this situation?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

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Watching a young adult steal from your home can feel like a trust violation that cuts deep. The couple’s desire to recover their $6,000 in stolen goods without police involvement shows compassion, but their hesitation risks enabling the friend’s behavior. Her repeated thefts suggest impulsivity or deeper issues, while the parents’ focus on her academic future reflects a hope she can change. Yet, without accountability, the cycle may continue.

Youth theft often stems from complex factors like peer influence or emotional struggles. A 2023 report by the Juvenile Justice Research Network notes that 15% of college-age youths engage in minor theft, often tied to opportunity or stress . Clear consequences are key to breaking such patterns.

Dr. David Fassler, a child psychiatrist, states, “Young adults need boundaries and support to correct harmful behaviors” (childmind.org). The couple could approach the friend’s parents with the video evidence, calmly requesting the return of items within a set timeframe. Framing the talk as concern for her well-being might soften defensiveness.

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They should suggest counseling to address potential underlying issues and set firm boundaries, like barring her from their home until amends are made. If the parents dismiss the issue, a police report may be unavoidable to protect their family.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users jumped in with a mix of tough love and blunt advice, serving up opinions as spicy as a late-night debate. Here’s what they shared:

inquiryreport − If you have actual video proof of the watch being taken that should diffuse any awkwardness of the conversation. They won’t really have a leg to stand on in terms of just being defensively “you are just accusing my kid for something you lost”.

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Being pointed about the fact that you are coming to them first, especially because she is 18 (permanent record will be hit) should get them to accommodate getting your things back. If they are a family of scumbags and don’t care then police will be the only path you can take

Edit: as far as how they punish or parent to “set the kid straight” you really won’t and can’t have any hope or influence over that so remove that. This has to be about getting your stuff back. Maybe you will learn from how the parents react how they plan to address but that’s as far as you can hope.

Quicksilver1964 − 'Hello, Mr and Mrs, I'm contacting you because of something serious that happened. We have video proof that your daughter stole a watch that belongs to my husband, and it's worth XXX. Our daughter also thinks she stole earrings and a necklace that is worth XXX.

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We would like to have everything back, as soon as possible. We believe she is young and everybody makes mistakes, and we are willing to forget about this as long as she gives us everything she stole from us by the end of the week. Unfortunately, due to these circumstances, she is no longer welcome at our house.'. If they ignore you, don't send anything else, file a police report.. ETA: a word

IceQueenTigerMumma − Seriously?. This is why she keeps doing it - because no one is making her take accountability.. Come on now.

Jen5872 − Show her parents the video first and give them the chance to do the right thing. If they refuse, go to the cops. Their daughter is a thief. Does it really matter if they get offended?

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2workigo − Your daughter’s friend is a legal adult. What do you think talking to her parents is going to do? You need to file a police report. I can’t believe you’re so blasé about $6K of goods being stolen from you.

SalamanderPop − She has a history of doing this? Do this girl a favor and call the police, then call the parents. She needs help before this turns into something that causes her to get shot or jailed for many years. You’re not doing her or her parents any favors by worrying about if they’ll be offended?

Like how is that even a concern here? I’m a parent of a 16 year old and if someone called me saying they had video of my kid swiping a valuable the last thing that would be in my head was whether I was offended. That’s crazy talk.

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4Z4Z47 − No one gonna say anything about a 36 year old man getting a 17 or 18 year old pregnant? Or is your husband not the oldest girls father?

SteelButterflye − You're far too passive about losing 6k dollars, idc how wealthy you are. She's legally an adult, and deserves adult consequences. Proper child rearing usually ensures the kid knows stealing is wrong, talking to her parents most likely won't do anything substantial. You have video proof of her stealing, so show it to the parents first, then cops if they refuse to cooperate, and get your money back.

Early_Dragonfly4682 − I would let law enforcement have that difficult conversation for you.

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Awesome_one_forever − Call the police. She's 18. Do you really think she'll return $6,000 worth of stuff because Mommy and Daddy tell her to? She knows what she's doing. It being some mental issue or not isn't your concern. She stole from your family.

If she's willing to steal such a high dollar value, then I'm betting she won't care about her parents' opinion. Unfortunately, you will also have to consider how long this has been going on. How many others has she stolen from over the years. You want to bring it up to her parents, but what will you do if they knew she had that habit and just didn't care?

These fiery takes make you wonder: are Redditors too quick to call for cops, or is the couple’s kindness a recipe for more trouble?

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This family’s saga is a stark reminder that trust can crumble in seconds, leaving tough choices in its wake. The couple’s instinct to give a young thief a chance speaks to their empathy, but the shadow of enabling her looms large. Their next move could shape not only their recovery but also her path forward. What would you do if a guest betrayed your family’s trust? Share your thoughts below—let’s dive into this messy, human dilemma.

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