My [36F] boyfriend [50M] cancelled our holiday, and then last minute decided to go after I couldn’t make it.

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a bustling city, a 36-year-old woman slumps at her desk, swamped by deadlines and mom guilt, while her phone buzzes with her boyfriend’s carefree voice from a beachside sunset cruise. After four years together, blending families and dreams, she planned a summer escape for them all, only for him to ditch the idea—then whisk his kids away to her dream destination without her. The sting of exclusion cuts deep, mingling with envy and doubt.

This tale of miscommunication and mismatched priorities tugs at the heart, painting a vivid picture of love strained by inconsideration. As she wrestles with feeling “pathetic” against his wealth and freedom, readers are drawn into a relatable struggle: balancing personal needs with a partner’s independent streak. It’s a story that begs us to ask—when does flexibility become neglect?

‘My [36F] boyfriend [50M] cancelled our holiday, and then last minute decided to go after I couldn’t make it.’

My boyfriend and I have a couple of kids between us, from previous marriages. We have been together 4 years, but lately it’s been a little rocky. Last year, I organized and took us all to the lake. This year, I was working on a huge project and so couldn’t do that. We threw around some dates and possible outings, I took the time off work, and figured something would work out.

When it became clear about a month ago that he wasn’t ready to solidify any plans, I decided I’d just work over the time I booked off and take a holiday in the fall instead. I don’t get much time off and wanted it to be special. That said, I really do need a summer break. This week, he was off work and kind of announced out of nowhere that he had decided to go to one of the places we were considering.

He’s there with his kids now, doing all of the things I love to do and I’m stuck at work. Of course, it’s been a hell week and I’m run ragged, plus feeling major mom guilt that my little is in a city camp instead of having a beach fire by the ocean after surfing all day.. This guy can be inconsiderate at times. I can also be super highly sensitive.

We spoke on the phone this morning and I asked if he just didn’t want us along and that’s why the last minute decision to go after I was stuck at work. He stated he felt backed into a corner with that and he had an invite from a friend in the area and didn’t want to pass it up when he was off anyways.

I figured that was fair and tried to send a cute pic tonight to make up for the tense convo this morning, but he called and said he couldn’t open the pic on his phone at present because they’re out on the water watching the sunset from a friends boat. Ugh! Jealous! There is an income disparity between us.

We pay 50/50 for things and I’m quite comfortable in my career and life, but he has one of those very well paid professions where you don’t have to work that often. Because of how his divorce went, he’s really touchy about thinking others are using him for money.

I figure that’s fine, whatev, and treat him like other men I’ve dated and just pay my way, sometimes treating him, sometimes being treated. Hes older and seems to be easing towards early retirement, whereas I have many years of work left. I see my peers and men my age all working and not being able to dash off on a moments notice but still enjoying a happy life.

I envy those without the dual age and income gap because to be honest, he often makes me feel pathetic and like my life is s**t, when really that is far from the case. I felt so stupid with my little pic waiting to be sent (a cute/sexy pose in front of my beach theme shower curtain to show there’s no hard feelings and we can both enjoy the beach) while he’s reclined on a yacht on the water with people laughing around him.

I feel so silly and pathetic that after a night on the water he will open a pic of me with my pvc beach. Ugh. Am I being a spoilsport here? Would this bother you? What would your next steps be? This isn’t the first time his wealth has shown up in a way that makes me feel pathetic or like my child is getting a lesser quality childhood, and while we remain not ready to merge households (his choice),

I’m not sure how long I can tolerate this. He says he really wants to be with me and wants to go away next weekend, but if I hear another thing about this trip while I’m sweating over multiple work deadlines while sweating through my commute, I’m going to scream..

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

The boyfriend’s last-minute trip, leaving his partner behind, feels like a slap in the face, especially after her efforts to plan a shared holiday. His vague excuses and dismissal of her feelings scream inconsideration, rooted in their age and income gap. “When partners prioritize their own desires without collaboration, it signals a lack of emotional reciprocity,” says Dr. Gary Chapman, relationship expert, in a Verywell Mind article.

The OP’s hurt is compounded by their unequal life stages—her grinding career versus his near-retirement ease. A 2023 study from the Journal of Marriage and Family notes that financial disparities in relationships can foster resentment when one partner’s lifestyle overshadows the other’s, as seen in her “pathetic” feelings. His sensitivity about money, tied to past divorce trauma, doesn’t justify sidelining her.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating compatibility in blended families with differing resources. The OP’s attempt to bridge the gap with a playful photo was a bid for connection, met with dismissal. Dr. Chapman suggests “intentional dialogue” to address unmet needs, starting with “I feel” statements to express hurt without blame. A serious talk about mutual respect and shared planning is crucial. If he remains dismissive, the OP might consider if this relationship aligns with her long-term happiness, possibly seeking counseling to clarify her path.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a mix of fiery indignation and practical advice. From calling out the boyfriend’s selfishness to urging the OP to rethink the relationship, these comments are a lively blend of support and shade. Get ready for some real talk!

hopingtothrive − Sorry. He's too old. He is not treating you like you are important. He is treating you like a-little-on-the-side. Paying 50/50 when you describe him as 'rich' shows how crappy he is. He's taking advantage of you.

ChaoticxSerenity − Hes older and seems to be easing towards early retirement, whereas I have many years of work left. I see my peers and men my age all working and not being able to dash off on a moments notice but still enjoying a happy life. I envy those without the dual age and income gap.

I mean, it just sort of feels like you're incompatible due to different stages of life. As you said, he's probably going to retire soon, but you'll be working a while. What are you going to do once he retires and gets to go on trips all the time while you work?

octropos − Jesus this is unexceptable. I normally don't tell people they need to date someone more their speed, but this guy sounds too independent for a relationship. I'd downgrade him to a fuckbuddy and tell him straight to his face he's not ready for a relationship and you'll find someone who is.

50 is too old for a cat to change his stripes. He clearly would rather do everything his own way and still have the benefit of a comfort gf. This guy is not going to be an equal life partner for you. He is set in his independent ways and he will never meet you half way, not truly.

coloradyo − Did he have any reaction to you deciding not to follow through with the holiday? Was he bummed out? Is it possible he thought you didn't want to go with him, so now he went without you?

[Reddit User] − To be honest, I find it concerning that you think of yourself as a pouty woman over this. This was not okay. And I suspect it's part of a larger problem. Of course individuals in relationships can go on vacation by themselves sometimes, but in this circumstance it sounds selfish and inconsiderate.

You don't sound happy OP. And he can have all the money baggage he wants from other relationships, but it's never good to let that baggage effect someone who wasn't a part of creating it. He is being selfish. With his time and with his money. By now he should know you aren't after him for that. You don't feel good in this relationship. Have you considered maybe there is a better one out there for you ?

greasy_pee − Why are you f**king this old man that doesn’t even respect you?

jumpcutfutures − Honestly, you sound like a catch. Let someone better than this catch you.

Opinionatedintrovert − I broke up with my boyfriend because he was not interested in merging lives and kids after 2 years. That this is your situation after four and the things you wrote tells me that you will never get full buy-in from this man -is this what you want? I would walk, it sounds like you have to edit yourself and wrangle him too much for a satisfying long term partnership.

Turquoise1307 − He's treating you as a convenience. When you are nice to him and doing what he wants and expects, it's fine. But as soon as you start asking for respect or you call him out for something, you're a burden and he doesn't want to be bothered. 'He can be sweet' is a line I've heard from every single woman who is dating a selfish guy.

He's sweet when he wants to be - to keep you in the relationship. He'll be nice to you when he wants to be to keep the relationship, but the minute anything gets difficult, he backs off and does his own thing. He isn't listening to your needs or respecting you.. Given the money thing, he doesn't sound like someone you should be wasting any more of your time on.

Meloetta − Does he have a habit of being wishy washy on plans until the last second? That kind of thing drives me crazy. I know you think you're in the wrong here, but I would also be fairly pissed if I had been trying to plan something for months,

had no commitment or help, and then they went *anyway* because they can do things last minute and they don't really care that you can't. I don't think you need to minimize his actions like you are - he really screwed you over this summer and it deserves a talk.

But do these Reddit hot takes offer a clear path forward, or are they just fanning the flames? Let’s sift through the noise and see what holds up in this tangled love story.

This story leaves us aching for a woman caught between love and resentment, as her boyfriend’s solo trip exposes cracks in their bond. Her courage to voice her hurt is a step toward clarity, but the future hinges on mutual respect—or walking away. Have you ever felt sidelined by a partner’s choices? Share your experiences or advice below—let’s dive into the messy dance of love, priorities, and self-worth.

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] My [36F] boyfriend [50M] cancelled our holiday, and then last minute decided to go after I couldn’t make it

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *