My 34M girlfriend 29F expects me to pay for everything.

The clink of wine glasses at a romantic dinner turned sour when a man realized his girlfriend expected him to foot every bill. For nearly a year, he’s bankrolled dates, trips, and meals, while her wallet stays shut, her playful “I forgot my cash” jokes masking a deeper issue. When he asked for more effort, she pushed back, comparing herself to his aging parents, whom he supports unquestioningly.

This Reddit saga hooks readers with its clash of love, money, and fairness. Is he wrong to crave a partnership that doesn’t drain his savings, or should he keep playing the provider? With a wry chuckle and a nod to his quiet struggle, let’s unpack the drama of a romance teetering on financial fault lines.

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‘My 34M girlfriend 29F expects me to pay for everything.’

I have been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now, at the beginning, we would make equal efforts to pay the bills whenever eating out. Then the effort from her end came to a stop, where she would often joke that she wasn't even carrying enough money in her wallet to offer to pay etc.

I have continued paying for the majority but more recently, I mentioned I would like her to show that she is willing to contribute more. She didn't like this. She said that she thought we had become a more intimate/closer couple. I didn't know what this really meant.

Sometimes when we go away I will cover everything, hotels, transport, food, the full lot. Sometimes I will let her know the cost of the hotel or travel for a half split, but I still maintained paying for all other costs like food and transportation costs without hesitation.

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She makes it appear like I am not doing enough, I am not sure what else to do. I am not prepared to pay 100% for everything, I would like to see her make more of an effort to contribute, even if i reject and still pay for it, at least I know that she's made an effort to want to, but I just don't see thay at all.

She says that I am keeping a close tab on when she pays and when she doesn't, but I don't, I just don't see enough effort from her end in my opinion. I don't ask for a 50/50 split, but I also don't want a 100/0, I feel a middle ground would be better. However I have always covered more expenses than her, considerably.

So it's got to the point now where she's made me scared of not paying through this pressure. For background, I do not come from a wealthy background, I only make a small amount more than her, she has always said we can earn money together,

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but I don't know how I am meant to save money for a family one day etc if i am made to pay for everything. We get on well everywhere else, it's just when it comes to paying, she doesn't like having to pay. But then whilst I pay, I feel like i would appreciate some reciprocation..

Are my thoughts valid? I want to edit this post to add that she has compared the way I treat my parents and how I pay for everything for them without question, and that she expects that is the way I treat her too. But my parents are seniors and bring in very little income, I don't think the two are comparable, my GF earns steady income.... 

Love should feel like a team effort, but this story exposes the strain of unequal financial contributions. The OP, earning slightly more than his girlfriend, covers most expenses, from dinners to vacations, while she offers little, framing his request for balance as a betrayal of intimacy. Her comparison to his support for his low-income parents reveals a skewed view of partnership, pressuring him into a provider role.

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Financial incompatibility is a major relationship hurdle. A 2022 survey by NerdWallet found 65% of couples cite money disputes as a top conflict source, with unequal contributions often breeding resentment. The girlfriend’s reluctance to chip in, paired with guilt-tripping, suggests a traditional expectation that clashes with the OP’s desire for fairness, especially given their similar incomes.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, states, “Fairness in relationships builds trust; resentment grows when one partner feels exploited” (Gottman Institute). The girlfriend’s pressure tactics, making the OP fear not paying, erode this trust. Gottman advises open, non-accusatory talks to align values. The OP could propose a clear split—say, alternating dinner payments—while explaining his need to save for their future.

To move forward, the couple should outline a budget for shared expenses, as suggested by Forbes Advisor, ensuring both contribute proportionally. If she resists, the OP may need to reassess, as financial misalignment often predicts long-term issues

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Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit posse swooped in like a squad of financial advisors, dishing out blunt takes and heartfelt warnings with a sprinkle of humor. It’s like a virtual budgeting bootcamp with no holds barred. Here’s the unfiltered chatter:

telurdadarkicapmanis − I think it's less about your GF's income status and more about her expectations in a male partner. It's time for a serious discussion about managing finances in a long term relationship. It's never okay to assume that the guy would pay for everything, and if the guy chooses to pay, it should be his choice and not one he was coerced into making.

[Reddit User] − Since your pay is roughly the same, she SHOULD be paying half. Just d**p her and find someone who isn't using you

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sparkes1911 − Sounds like my ex wife. My advice... Leave. It'll eat at you, and cause resentment which turns to hate. It also eroded my mental health to the point that I could bearly function. In the year after my ex moved out, I went from being down to £0.00 in my account before every payday to having a 3 grand surplus.

Particular_Sock_2864 − Your thoughts are absolutely valid.. This here. I mentioned I would like her to show that she is willing to contribute more. She didn't like this. She said that she thought we had become a more intimate/closer couple.

is a key thing for me. To me it looks like you will be expected to pay for about everything. I mean look at it, she expects this now after a year so I can only imagine what she might expect when you would be married/have a family. Just comes down to your values if you are ok with that.

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The way you write you are not and that is completely ok. Not saying she is wrong also, if she wants this she just needs to find a partner that is ok with it. You...are not.. Financial incompatibility is a thing like s**ual incompatibility...it's sad but it is what it is..

These things also give me a bad feeling. She makes it appear like I am not doing enough. So it's got to the point now where she's made me scared of not paying through this pressure.. That's not healthy man. Not at all.

You've got to make it very clear to her what you want/expect and find out what she thinks, also when things would progress into married life, having a family. I mean you are together one year, maybe that is going too far but still.., better have clarity now if you can get it than waste your time...just my thoughts.. All the best man and take care

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[Reddit User] − She’s taking advantage of you

Complex_Sundae2551 − It should be 50/50. Enquire about why she only wants you to pay. Does she have very traditional values and expectations? Does she believe men should do all the providing? If she does, does this align with your values? Do you want to fall into traditional roles? Does she think her maintenance to look nice means you should contribute more?

This is not someone I would want to be in a relationship with. It sounds like she’s using you and isn’t prioritising you and the relationship if she doesn’t care enough to contribute to it. Later down the line if you buy a house together, will she also want you to cover the entire bill? Probably. Set some boundaries asap. If she cannot comply, i’d suggest breaking up.

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ThrowRAnikulaga − Ohhh this is not good. I’ve been in this same situation. At first I thought she is shy to pay or offer to pay, I communicated this few times, but nothing changed. Once I stopped paying, break up happened, she was extremely passive agressive and cold during the break up, its like I never knew who she was.

We dated for 1.5 years and broken up like 2 months ago. She jumped on bumble a week after a break up 😀 I went on few dates a week ago and was shocked then a girl did not let mee buy a second round of drinks and said thats on her. Dont listen to the story of hers, she just does not want to spend money on you. Selfish people create a lot of excuses.

Whoopsie_Todaysie − You have already spoken to her once about this and she showed you how she felt about it.  I would sit her down and say, 'this relationship has become unbalanced for me. I have expressed a boundary to you, that I am unable and unwilling to pay for everything. We dont earn much different and you're not contributing. I no longer want to be in this relationship.'. Problem solved.

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totallynotarobut − Then the effort from her end came to a stop, where she would often joke that she wasn't even carrying enough money in her wallet to offer to pay etc. Not to be mean, but when this started is really when it should have been dealt with.

And vastly different views on finances are one of the biggest relationship-breakers there are. You two need to talk right away about this and come to a decision, because otherwise you're just wasting your time.

misterk2020 − Where do you see your relationship with her going long term? If you want to marry her then expect to pay for everything. If you can live with that, fine. If not, move on.

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Redditors backed the OP’s call for fairness, slamming his girlfriend’s expectations as manipulative and urging him to set firm boundaries or reconsider the relationship. Some saw red flags in her pressure tactics, others a values mismatch. But do these hot takes nail the issue, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s clear: this money mess has everyone buzzing.

This tale of love tangled in dollar signs shows that partnerships thrive on mutual effort, not one-sided sacrifices. The OP’s push for financial fairness, met with resistance and guilt, signals a need for honest talks or tough choices. A relationship shouldn’t feel like a solo paycheck. Readers, what’s your verdict? Have you faced a partner who wouldn’t pitch in? How would you balance love and money in this sticky spot? Drop your thoughts below!

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