My (33F) husband (34F)’s pregnant mistress (28F) begged me to leave him and I refused. Where do I go from here?
When deep-seated history collides with betrayal, our hearts can be torn in conflicting directions. In this update, a 33‑year‑old woman reveals that despite her husband’s drunken one-night mistake—with his pregnant mistress begging her to leave—she refused to end their marriage.
After 20 years together, raising two kids, and enduring months of therapy and emotional turmoil following his confession, she still clings to the life they built. Even though his mistress, a 28‑year‑old woman from a sheltered background, reappeared asking him to meet up as she’s now pregnant, she stood firm.
Her husband, who has been her partner since they were teenagers, remains her anchor despite the pain of his past infidelity. Now, as they await a paternity test and navigate a turbulent emotional landscape, she’s left wondering: Where do I go from here?
‘ My (33F) husband (34F)’s pregnant mistress (28F) begged me to leave him and I refused. Where do I go from here?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship trauma, explains, “Infidelity, even a one-time lapse, can have a lasting impact on trust. However, when both partners have invested decades in building a life together, the decision to stay often stems from a deep sense of identity and shared history. It is normal for the betrayed partner to struggle with conflicting emotions between hurt and love.”
She continues, “The key lies in open communication and boundary-setting. In this case, while it is understandable that you refuse to leave your husband, it’s equally important to address the unresolved feelings and ensure that the ongoing relationship is healthy for both you and your children.”
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, adds, “When past betrayals resurface, as with the reappearance of a mistress, it can trigger old wounds. Couples therapy can help navigate these turbulent emotions. The decision to remain together must be accompanied by a commitment to healing and transparency. Without this, the resentment can continue to grow, undermining the relationship’s foundation.”
Both experts agree that while your decision to stay is valid given your long history and the shared life with your children, it’s crucial to address the underlying issues through professional counseling to prevent further emotional harm.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Several redditors expressed support for your decision. One user commented, “After 20 years together, choosing to stick it out despite the betrayal takes immense strength. You’re not being naive—you’re protecting what matters most to you.”
Another commenter shared, “I’ve seen relationships where a single mistake led to a breakup. Your husband’s willingness to work on his issues, even after admitting to his mistake, shows there’s potential for healing if both parties commit to therapy.”
Ultimately, your decision to remain with your husband reflects a deep commitment to a long-shared history and the wellbeing of your family. However, the reappearance of his mistress—and her pregnancy—raises challenging questions about trust, healing, and whether the wounds can ever truly close.
This situation forces us to ask: How do we navigate the delicate balance between forgiveness and self-protection after a betrayal? Is it possible to rebuild trust when the past keeps resurfacing, or should we sometimes choose to start anew?
What would you do if you found yourself caught between the love for a partner who has deeply hurt you and the need to protect yourself and your family? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others facing similar crossroads.
