My (31f) fiancé (35m) keeps going out late before morning flights. This time, it led to him skipping our flight. How to navigate this?

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

The clock ticks past midnight, and a 31-year-old woman lies awake, her phone buzzing with worry. Her fiancé, out drinking again, shrugs off their 6 AM flight with a vague “soonish,” leaving her sleepless and fuming. This isn’t a one-off—his late nights with a friend have derailed their travel plans five times, and this time, he didn’t even make it home, crashing outside their door and skipping the trip entirely. With their wedding weeks away, her heart sinks under the weight of his disrespect.

Her story is a raw jolt, like cold coffee on a groggy morning, exposing the cracks in a love tested by immaturity and stonewalling. As she grapples with hurt and a looming marriage, we’re pulled into her crossroads: can she salvage this, or is it time to walk away from the altar?

‘My (31f) fiancé (35m) keeps going out late before morning flights. This time, it led to him skipping our flight. How to navigate this?’

Anytime my fiance and a particular friend of his get together, they stay out drinking until 2, 3, sometimes 4 AM. While I think 3/4am is a little too late, it doesn’t bother me that much. However, due to their busy work schedules, they commonly get together the night before a holiday weekend - which means he and I have a flight the following morning.

The situation I’m about to describe has happened maybe 5 times now. Last night I called him at 1:30am asking why he wasn’t home yet since we had to wake up at 6am for our flight. He said he wasn’t coming home yet but would “soonish” - anytime he says that, it could be 1 hour or it could be 3.

Every time he tells me of these plans I beg him to move it to a night where we don’t have a flight the next morning, or to come home at a decent time like 12/1am if it has to be the night before a flight. He refused this again, despite me explaining (as I have before) that it severely impacts my sleep not to mention makes both of us miserable the next day with his hangover.

I somehow managed to fall asleep right after the phone conversation that turned into an argument, but told him I don’t think I can marry someone so immature because he doesn’t communicate and makes me feel like he doesn’t respect me at all.

He ended up coming home at 2:30am and somehow couldn’t get into our house, but he only called me twice (it didn’t wake me up) and didn’t text, knock on the door, etc. He often leaves his keys at home so I wonder if he did that or was just too drunk and gave up and sat outside the door from 2:30-6.

When I woke up I freaked out that he was nowhere to be found until I call him and he tells me he’s outside. He stumbles in and tells me he’s not coming on our weekend trip because I said I don’t think I can marry him, then went to the couch and fell asleep.

I need him to step it up and be more responsible and respectful. His communication is really bad and he stonewalls me during every argument. I’m happy to let him have his boys nights other than this situation that keeps repeating itself.

I’m pissed but I’m also just so hurt at this point. Is this unreasonable? What can I say / do for him to understand that all these behaviors are not ok and not what a marriage should be? We’re supposed to get married in a couple weeks and I don’t know what to do.

When a partner’s actions disrupt shared plans, it’s like a pebble rippling through a pond—small at first, but the waves grow. This woman’s fiancé’s late-night drinking, especially before critical commitments like flights, signals a deeper issue: a lack of respect.

His refusal to adjust plans despite her pleas shows a pattern of dismissal. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, warns, “Stonewalling and ignoring a partner’s needs erode trust, paving the way for resentment” (The Gottman Institute). His choice to prioritize a friend over their shared responsibilities—coupled with poor communication, like not texting when locked out—amplifies her sense of being undervalued.

This behavior reflects broader issues in relationships: accountability and maturity. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association found that 30% of couples report conflicts over differing priorities, often escalating during high-stress periods like engagements (APA). His age (35) and repeated actions suggest entrenched habits, not youthful lapses.

Dr. Gottman advises addressing such patterns through structured talks, like a “state of the union” meeting to voice needs calmly. She could propose a boundary: no late nights before travel. Couples therapy, via resources like Psychology Today, could help, but only if he commits to change. With the wedding near, she should reflect on whether his actions align with her vision of partnership, consulting a trusted friend or therapist to clarify her path.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit posse stormed in like a bar fight, slinging tough love and wake-up calls with a side of snark. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, buzzing with outrage and a dash of wit.

HatsAndTopcoats − I don’t think I can marry someone so immature because he doesn’t communicate and makes me feel like he doesn’t respect me at all.. This is the correct answer. You already have the correct answer.

BriefHorror − ..............What the f**k are we supposed to say to make him listen when the woman he proposed to can't say 'its irresponsible and hurts me when you do that' and make him listen. You're trying to save a hot mess and you're just going to get divorced after you have this guys kid and he acts like this right before you give birth and he misses it.

WolfPerfect9999 − How do you know he will show up to marry you with this behaviour. He’s 35 it’s too old for this

holliday_doc_1995 − Don’t marry him. He is not worth your time.

TheDissolutionist − You can't do anything when someone stonewalls and dismisses your concerns and tramples your feelings. You can refuse to marry them, that would be a really really great start to asserting your own healthy boundaries.

And, if he doesn't see that the consequences of his actions carry a weight that harms his relationship, he likely never will and you will have avoided a terrible marriage. Is there some compelling reason this person is who you WANT to marry? You didn't mention a single positive aspect about this guy. Maybe consider that.

Little_Web_7696 − DONT MARRY HIM. This was my husband before marriage and up until we had a kid (he still does this from time to time but the communication is better)…but let me tell you , at 35- he isn’t going to change, he isn’t going to have a come to Jesus moment.

He is who he is and the behaviors may morph into something else over time but at the core that lack of seeing the issue with this, lack of respect, unhealthy conflict “resolution” will be there. I should not have married my husband. Now I gotta deal with this mess or a messy divorce. Get out now.

ETA: we had a fight 3 weeks before our wedding somewhat related to the exact problem your post is about (and another big issue in our relationship) where I broke down screaming like a banshee and walked out of our apartment into the night just bawling and screaming with no plan. I told him I wasn’t sure I could marry him, just like you.

Ended up completely wasted at a dive bar…some lovely ladies there saved me from bad decisions and a creepy dude who had clearly zero’d in on how literally and figuratively messed up I was. Not proud of that, but anyway- I decide after that night, partly because i thought “if I could do something so stupid then I should have more grace for him”, to continue with the wedding.

All this to say, I 100% understand what you’re going through. The thought of canceling a wedding so close and everything that entails, including the shame and embarrassment. The pure heartbreak because you really truly love this man. But babygirl, love is not enough.

Beth77303 − I think going on the trip alone will be the best thing for you both. The time and space to really reflect. Then, you both need to sit down and have a long calm conversation about what you both want from the relationship. Since he's done this multiple times, it's clear there is not a lot of respect for your feelings.

Own-Writing-3687 − He's 35yo.. This is who he is.. He's not life partner material. 

VicePrincipalNero − Do you really want to be married to a 35 year old man who still acts like a frat boy?

lemmful − I need him to step it up and be more responsible and respectful.. Let me fix this for you: 'I need a partner who is responsible and respectful, and my fiance has shown that he is not this person for me.' You're right, you can't marry this dude. You are not on the same page, and he's too old to be doing this s**t.

Redditors didn’t mince words, urging her to hit pause on the wedding and rethink tying the knot with someone who acts like a frat boy. Their chorus of “don’t marry him” echoes loud, but does it capture the full picture, or are they just cheering for a clean break? One thing’s clear: her pain has lit a fire online.

This woman’s saga—watching her fiancé choose late nights over their shared plans—cuts deep, like a missed flight you can’t reschedule. With a wedding looming, she faces a choice: demand change or protect her peace. Reddit’s all-in for calling it quits, but love’s not always black-and-white. Have you ever dealt with a partner who let you down when it mattered most? What would you do in her shoes? Drop your thoughts and let’s keep the convo flying.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *