My (30M) wife (29F) Wants to End Marriage but Keep Living Together for Kids, Finances.

The walls of a once-happy home echoed with heartbreak when a wife told her husband she no longer loved him, proposing they end their marriage but still live together for their three young kids and financial convenience. After a decade of devotion, he’s left shattered, grappling with her plan to cohabitate in her house—him in the basement, still footing bills—while she pursues a degree and eventual independence.

This Reddit saga grips readers with its raw mix of love, loss, and logistical dilemmas. Is he wrong to question a setup that keeps him close yet unloved, or is this a practical lifeline for their kids? With a bittersweet nod to his crumbling world, let’s unpack the chaos of a marriage unraveling under one roof.

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‘My (30M) wife (29F) Wants to End Marriage but Keep Living Together for Kids, Finances.’

I'm going to start by apologizing in advance if this doesnt stay fully focused. My wife and I have been together for 10 years. Married for 5. We met in college and has been the love of my life since. 2 days ago she told me she doesnt love me anymore and for her happiness wants our relationship to end.

I probably should have seen this coming, our relationship has been rocky since we met but for whatever reason I always wanted to make it work. We have 3 kids together, all under the age of 6. They are amazing and so happy and the best thing from our marriage.

Financially, my wife is a stay at home mom. She owns our house outright from family money. She has no student loans but also no college degree. I make a fairly decent income and support our family. Since my wife doesnt have a job and no way to pay bills, she wants me to move into her finished basement and continue to pay utilities and food for us and our kids, in addition to keeping her on my health insurance.

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She wants to take time to get her degree and file for dissolution afterwards, so she can support herself and our kids. She also wants this for continuity for our kids. While she doesnt love me anymore, she doesnt want me out of our kids lives even weekly, and still wants to be friends with me.

I'm honestly dying inside right now, because as rocky as our relationship has been I've never loved her less, and she has been all I've ever loved or wanted. I dont know how to proceed or even feel at this point. Im terrified because I've let my friendships go since we've been married and while my family will support me i dont have many friends left. I'm terrified about finances.

I'm terrified of not being able to be happy without her. Honestly i'm so confused about everything going on in my head. On top of that, is it stupid to stay in the house for our kids? It would be convenient for me financially too as even though if I moved out we would share custody, I dont have to pay child support this way. It's also better for my taxes.. I'm just so lost I dont know what to think. Sorry for the long winded ramble.

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Love’s end is painful, but this story shows the added sting of cohabitating through it. The OP, blindsided by his wife’s decision to end their marriage, faces her proposal to live together in her paid-off home, with him covering utilities and insurance while she studies. Her rationale—stability for their kids under 6—clashes with his emotional turmoil and fears of being used, especially given her financial dependence as a stay-at-home mom.

This setup reflects complex post-separation dynamics. A 2023 study in Journal of Divorce & Remarriage notes that 30% of separating couples attempt cohabitation for kids or finances, but 70% report heightened stress, especially when emotional boundaries blur. The wife’s plan risks trapping the OP in a limbo of false hope, while her push for friendship ignores his unreciprocated love.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, a marriage therapist, writes, “Clarity in boundaries is critical when love ends but life together continues” (Growing Self). The wife’s proposal, while practical, leans heavily on the OP’s support without addressing his emotional needs. Bobby suggests written agreements on finances, living arrangements, and co-parenting duties to prevent exploitation. The OP could propose a timeline for her independence, protecting his financial future.

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To move forward, consulting a divorce attorney, as advised by Forbes, is key to understanding rights, especially since the OP’s income supported the household. Couples therapy or mediation could clarify terms, per Psychology Today. The OP should also reconnect with friends or seek support groups to combat isolation.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit squad roared in like a protective posse, dishing out fierce advice and raw empathy with a side of outrage. It’s like a virtual wake for a broken heart, with no punches pulled. Here’s the unfiltered buzz:

DrFishTaco − The moment one of you invites a new love interest into your home, whatever arrangements you have will fall to pieces. A clean break may not be convenient but is best long term.

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k-ari − She also wants this for continuity for our kids.. **WRONG** she wants the continuity for *her*. i will simplify this, maybe abrasively:. **TL;DR: move out and live life divorced unless you know you are built for this**

think about it, she just wants time to get her ducks in a row while you continue to pay, then when things are settled, she will boot you out of the house.. - you bring in the money and thats how she likes it. - you will still think there is a chance of getting back together since you are in such close proximity.

unless you are really good at tricking your brain to think otherwise** - your children will grow up seeing a dead marriage...'why don't mom and dad kiss' 'why does dad always stay downstairs in the basement' 'why are they so cold to each other' etc....

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- you aren't helping anyone here but her. if you want to do what's best for your kids, you move out, prep for child support, and have a new place to move. you then begin to explain to them why you aren't together but how you both can love them respectively.

- you can raise healthy children while divorced, its not the end of the world. don't stay with someone who doesn't love you. you will only hurt yourself and your kids. and most importantly, don't get used for your money!

5oylent − my parents do this. it’s awful. pay child support and move out dude

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[Reddit User] − Get a divorce lawyer yesterday. I say this with no judgement: you are not capable of navigating this situation reasonably if you can even consider her proposition. Your ex-wife is about to take you for all you're worth if you don't wise up.

DukeMaximum − She’s using the kids as an excuse. What she wants is to end the relationship, pursue other relationships, but still be supported by you. She wants a free ride, and this is incredibly selfish and unfair. I would recommend that you start by asking her to go to a counselor, but it sounds like she’s already past that.

If *she* wants to end the marriage, then *she* can move out. Don’t be chased from your home by her. Don’t even leave temporarily, as this can s**ew you in a divorce. I’m really sorry, man. This sucks. Don’t feel badly if you need to take some time or talk to someone about this.

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coldbloodednuts − I am so sorry this is happening to you. It must feel like a horrible nightmare you wish you could wake up from. This is indeed a complicated situation. The first thing you need to do is talk to a divorce attorney to see what your rights are.

She may own the house, but you have provided all the financial needs for the past five years, and that counts for something in the eyes of the court. Tell her you can't give her an answer until you figure out what all your options are. Who pays for the expensive daycare while she is in school? Who pays for the college education?

Wanting to be friends? It's not quite that simple, is it? You might suggest marriage counseling to see if anything can be salvaged. If she refuses, that might put her in a poor bargaining position legally. I'm just guessing, but it would make her look uncooperative.

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Exposing three young children to a toxic situation like this, where you are now relegated to the basement, will be psychologically harmful. They can feel the tension. You are not doing them any favors by staying together under these circumstances. I'm sorry I don't have magic answers, but the divorce attorney is your first step.

its_true_though − How do you explain to your kids that daddy lives in the basement now? How clearly mommy doesn't want to share 'her' room? That they don't seem happy or touch anymore? What reason would you give that doesn't make it look exactly like what it is? Daddy is being walked all over, and mommy no longer loves him.

She's not making this suggestion for the kids. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants her life to remain unchanged in any way, except that now you can't expect anything s**ual from her. She gets it all. Why isn't SHE moving to the basement? If she owns the house, but she can't support herself, she's goners without you.

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She NEEDS you to literally be her financial and childcare support, WHILE SHE STARTS BUILDING THE LIFE SHE HAS ALREADY PLANNED WITHOUT YOU. Come on... I know you love her, but, she doesn't love you. And the kids need to be taught better than, 'When relationships end, one partner moves to the basement and pretends like their world hasn't shattered.' Teach your wife that, too.

[Reddit User] − Wait, what? She has no job and wants you to move into the basement and 'provide' for the family still? To me it sounds like she just wants an easy ride at the expense of your happiness, which is not okay at all.. Now, I ain't saying she's a gold digger....but she's a gold digger.

You need to get out of there my friend. Fast. She just wants the benefits of being married without being married. You are putting in all the hard work, and she is getting most of, if not all, the benefits to that hard work.

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She has already emotionally checked out. There is nothing else you can do to change her mind. Not that I would suggest it, because the way she is acting, either she wants to profit from you or already has someone in the side.

alpha_28 − While I thought her idea originally was all well and good (co habitating and co parenting does actually work well for some people) then I read the “ME ME ME ME ME” s**t she spouted for you to stay around. F**k no. If you can work it out to co habitat but she is not your damn problem anymore.

She lost that privilege when she ended your marriage. Don’t pay her bills, don’t let her mooch off your healthcare and if she can’t do that divorce, 50/50 custody and move out. I’ve never read anything so selfish in my life and my ex is a selfish piece of s**t so I hear a lot! But this takes the cake.

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CASHH_CARTL − Have some self respect man. I get it, it’s hard to think clear at the moment but this woman isn’t the girl you fell in love with anymore. She’s moved on but wants you to pay for everything while she gets on her feet and once she does she will throw you out and continue to find new relationships. LEAVE AND PAY CHILD SUPPORT if you have to.

Redditors slammed the wife’s plan as selfish, urging the OP to prioritize his dignity and move out, even if it means child support. Many saw her using the kids as leverage, while others pushed for legal advice to protect his finances. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the flames? One thing’s clear: this heartbreak has everyone talking.

This tale of a marriage’s end under one roof lays bare the cost of love without reciprocity. The wife’s cohabitation plan, dressed up as care for their kids, risks chaining the OP to a life of pain for her convenience. His heart deserves more than a basement and bills. Readers, what’s your verdict? Have you navigated a breakup while sharing space? How would you balance kids, cash, and a broken heart in this mess? Share below!

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