My (29M) wife (27F) has been working from home the past few months and has started having her high-school ex over a lot. I told her this is unacceptable. Am I the the wrong for this?

In a quiet suburban home, the hum of a laptop and the clink of coffee mugs once signaled a productive workday. But for one husband, the sight of his wife cozying up with her high-school ex on their couch—her head resting casually in his lap—shattered that calm. What started as innocent work-from-home meetups morphed into something far more troubling, leaving him grappling with jealousy, betrayal, and a sinking gut feeling.

This Reddit tale dives into the messy heart of trust and relationships, where blurred lines between friendship and flirtation spark heated debates. Readers feel the husband’s unease and the wife’s defiance, drawn into a story that mirrors the universal struggle of balancing love, loyalty, and personal freedom. The emotional stakes pull us in, setting the stage for a deeper look at boundaries and marital trust.

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‘My (29M) wife (27F) has been working from home the past few months and has started having her high-school ex over a lot. I told her this is unacceptable. Am I the the wrong for this?’

Hey everyone. I know that the title may sound confusing without the background that I am about to give. So ever since COVID started my wife has been working from home. My job never let us do that so I have still been driving to work everyday. She has a friend that she occasionally hangs out with.

He’s been invited to hang out with both of us before too. He’s nice, fun to hang around and pretty cool. I’ve had no problem with this. My wife made me aware pretty early on that she dated him in high school. She said that they dated their freshman and sophomore year. They never had s** but did mess around.

They started reconnecting as friends during their senior year. At that tone he had a girlfriend and she was starting to see another guy as well. She claims that after they broke up there was never anything romantic between them again.

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When COVID started my wife said that she would be able to work from home. I was glad and happy for her as I knew it’d be easier and even save gas. She said that her friend was going to be able to work from home too so they may meet up sometimes to go over their work and help each other (they both work in a similar field).

One day I came home and noticed that he was there. I thought nothing of it really as my wife had told me about this. They both had their computers and liked liked they were working pretty hard. For a while it was like this. Suddenly a few weeks in I would come home and they would casually be hanging out and having fun.

Sometimes they would be playing a game, sometimes they would be drinking, sometimes they would be eating. I started finding this a little bit weird. It seemed as though he was getting more attention than me and that she was having a better time with him than me. Then one day when I came home it was the final straw.

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They were both on the couch and her head was in his lap while they were watching TV. I waited until he left and then had a talk with her. I was fuming. I yelled at her and told her that their actions have been unacceptable and that there’s no reason that she should be laying with a friend like that.

I expressed how I felt like she has been showing him more attention than her husband and that it seemed like they were having more fun together than we do. Not to mention that they had dated before and fooled around. She got really upset and said I had no right to tell her that she can no longer hang around someone.

She was mad that I seemed to claim that she was cheating on me with him and swore that she was not and would not do that. She said that all they were doing was relaxing and that it was not wrong to lay her head on his lap. The last two days he has not been at the house when I got home.

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She says that she has not seen him since our talk. I apologized for being so angry about it. She doesn’t seem like she has really accepted my apology as she has been really quite around me ever since.. How do I make things better? Is she cheating? How do I handle things between her and this friend?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This sticky situation screams one word: boundaries. When a spouse reconnects with an ex, even platonically, blurred lines can stir trouble. The husband’s unease about his wife’s lap-lying moment reflects a need for unspoken marital rules to be clarified. He craves respect, while she values her friendship, creating a clash of valid perspectives.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments”. The wife’s casual intimacy with her ex missed a chance to prioritize her husband’s comfort, eroding trust. Her defensiveness, rather than reassurance, deepened the rift.

This reflects a broader societal challenge: navigating opposite-sex friendships in committed relationships. A 2017 study in Personal Relationships found that 60% of couples disagree on appropriate boundaries with friends. The wife’s actions, possibly innocent, ignored her husband’s emotional radar.

The couple needs an open, non-accusatory talk to set clear boundaries—like limiting one-on-one time with the ex or ensuring group settings. The wife could rebuild trust by validating her husband’s feelings, perhaps agreeing to transparent communication. Couples therapy might help navigate this tension.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crowd served up a spicy mix of outrage and advice, with many calling the wife’s lap-lying inappropriate and a breach of boundaries. Some urged the husband to set firm limits, while others suspected deeper issues, pointing to the wife’s defensiveness as a red flag.

The consensus leaned toward validating the husband’s concerns, though opinions varied on whether the situation was salvageable. These hot takes add fuel to the debate, blending humor and raw honesty.

FormerlyTipsy − I agree with you. When you said they had computers out and were working hard I felt it seemed innocent enough. However...a woman putting her head in some guy's lap??? No no no....boundaries are being crossed. It is not appropriate and she knows it. Would she be okay if the situation was reversed?

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mrjasjit − Setup a hidden SSID, and at least one wireless camera and tape-over/disable the camera light.. You are not going to like what you find.

hiskitty110617 − You are not at all in the wrong here. At first it seemed innocent enough but putting your head into the lap of someone you’re not with is suspicious af. She’s right that you have no right to tell her to do something but since you explained and asked her to stop and she’s being defensive like this, I’m getting a ton of red flags.

If she’s not cheating she’s sure not showing respect for you as her partner.It wouldn’t surprise me if she is cheating though with how overly close they seem to be getting.

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Runawaymodel- − That’s not okay, she’s not respecting your relationship. Her head shouldn’t be in his lap at all, and it should make you uncomfortable since they use to have a relationship. If the roles were reversed and you had a ex’s head in your lap, she would also be uncomfortable.

Her getting mad at you for questioning it is gaslighting to the situation and you. I wouldn’t put my head in guys lap if I didn’t feel some type of chemistry, it’s definitely flirty. I think you guys need to discuss boundaries, it’s important that you guys agree on what you consider to be okay and not okay.

If she thinks that type of behavior with an ex is acceptable, and you don’t then things may not work. I would see where things go, and what she does next. Her actions will speak louder then words, if these situations keep occurring though it may be time to rethink if this is someone you want to be with.

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pschologicaltoe-99 − YOU F**KING APOLOGIZED??. Jesus christ I'm speechless.

mrjasjit − Dude, what the actual f**k. This is so wrong.

WeimSean − Head in his lap is beyond inappropriate. If she doesn't believe you tell her to call her own mother and run that by her. Literally no sane person would think it's okay for your wife to be in that situation.

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RedSpectrumRays − Maybe it’s time you start getting really close with a female friend.

[Reddit User] − Well it does seem quite inappropriate to be drinking and chilling on the couch. Eating and stuff like that seems fine but chilling with her head on his lap seems bordering on very inappropriate. Remember they are supposed to be working, I can understand they destress by eating dinner and even watching tv or whatever.

That said, is this happening pretty much every day? Or just happened once or twice? Either way you need to have a serious talk with her. Sit her down and talk about boundaries rather than making demands of her not seeing the friend. It is bad to deny her a friend in the way that it sounds like you did but your feelings are valid here.

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I don't know how trust can be regained here but if I were her I would have tried to find a way to reassure you rather than be combative. This is a situation where I think you have cause for concern but it may still be fairly innocent. So it's tricky and without a good proper heart to heart talk with her this will grow resentment.

It may be a good idea to request from her that you be allowed to see their communication (texts, facebook/instagram). Important here that you don't demand to keep continous eye on her phone. Just have her unlock her phone in full view of you so you can get some reassurance with this guy.

If she reacts strongly to this I think you have your answer and it's time to take this as a serious threat to your marriage. You need to proceed delicately but you deserve and need this to be resolved otherwise suspicion with grow and with that comes resentment.

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blalokjpg − She doesn’t deserve an apology.

This tale of lap-lying and love highlights the fragile dance of trust in relationships. The husband’s hurt and the wife’s defiance show how quickly boundaries can blur, shaking a marriage’s foundation. Readers are left wondering about the path forward for this couple. Share your thoughts—what would you do if your partner got too cozy with an ex?

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