My (29F) Wife has lost alot of weight,…. I want to(31M) make sure she is ok

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In a cozy suburban home, where the aroma of home-cooked meals once mingled with laughter, a husband’s heart skips a beat. His wife, once a vibrant force in their shared life, has transformed before his eyes—her frame now delicate, almost fragile, like a dancer caught in a fleeting spotlight. At 29, she’s shed pounds rapidly, trading junk food for yoga and cardio, her energy seemingly boundless. Yet, subtle cracks appear: a laundry bag too heavy, a massage lacking its former strength, and a playful dog nudging her off the ground.

He’s torn between admiration for her discipline and a gnawing worry that something’s amiss. Her assurances of feeling “better than ever” clash with his observations, leaving him in a quiet panic. Readers, too, might feel the weight of his concern, wondering how to broach a topic so personal without sparking defensiveness. This tale unfolds a delicate dance of love, health, and communication, inviting us to ponder the line between care and caution.

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‘My (29F) Wife has lost alot of weight,…. I want to(31M) make sure she is ok’

 UPDATE : We talked this weekend and I took your advice and came a place of concern and it definitely helped. I was pretty close on the weight loss, she is actually a little less than I thought…….but the important thing is she agreed to go get checked out…..and since I always skip my checkups, I agreed to get one too. So a big step for both of us.

So my wife has always been pretty average size 5’7” 130 lbs-ish. I don’t know 100% because we just don’t talk about it, but has mentioned in the past. I do know when I buy her clothes, and I ask…. she always said she was a size 6 …if that helps. She was also always pretty strong, does massage therapy and was really good at deep tissue.

I mean, there are times when she has worked on me and it hurt, and Im not a small guy. About 6 months ago, she started changing things. Not really eating junk food, and she joined some classes at the ymca…..yoga and some cardio. Since then, the weight has really fallen off her. I don’t know exactly how much because the few times Ive asked her, she has said, “I dont know because I dont care to weigh myself” so I just drop it.

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But if I had to guess, I think she has lost at least 20-25 lbs if not more. She seems healthy in terms of energy and her skin has really cleared up, but I have noticed some other things.. I was doing laundry, which I do a lot, and her jeans are now only size 0-2. Doing massage, she has to do her own sheets, and the other day, I heard her really struggling to carry the bag of laundry up the stairs.

Yes, its a big bag, but never have I noticed that and we’ve been together for years. ……… I asked her if “you ok with that?” And she just said she needs a strong man to help her out and started flirting and getting intimate with me. (Is she changing the subject?). Which leads me to my next point. Without too much info, she looks completely different without clothes.

She had some curves etc before but now shes pretty much a figure like a ballerina…..and she says she feels great, but I recently picked her up during the act and it was literally like nothing. Another big thing I noticed was she worked on me again for massage last week, and all of the deep pressure she had before, was gone and I could tell she was really struggling.

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But if I bring it up she gets defensive and tells me she feels better than ever and I should be happy for her, which I am. I just worry and dont know what to do. The final straw here was our dog, who likes to walk underneath our legs all the time and nudge her head up, and has done so since she was a puppy, literally lifted my wife off the ground last night. My wife laughed about it like it was funny, but I was alarmed.

Our dog is part mastiff (we think) and about 85-90 lbs……but still, that has never happened before. I just don’t know how to approach her. Every time I have, she shuts it down. I know she still gets her period and she does eat with me, just no junk food. Shes never eaten big portions and those haven’t changed but the snacks afterwards are only me now. I cant blame someone for wanting to be healthy but I just want to make sure shes okay.

Caring for a loved one’s health can feel like walking a tightrope—balancing concern with respect. The husband’s observations of his wife’s weight loss, from size 6 to 0-2, and her reduced physical strength raise valid concerns. Her dismissal of these changes, while possibly defensive, might reflect a deeper issue, from dietary shifts to potential health conditions.

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The loss of strength, as seen in her struggling with laundry or massage work, suggests a possible calorie deficit or muscle loss. Registered dietitian nutritionist Ilene Cohen notes, “Rapid weight loss without adequate nutrition can lead to muscle wasting and fatigue, impacting daily function” (source: Healthline, 2023). This aligns with the wife’s experience, where her energy seems high, but her physical capacity has waned.

Broadening the lens, unintentional weight loss affects about 1.6% of adults annually, with causes ranging from stress to medical conditions like thyroid disorders or diabetes (source: Mayo Clinic, 2024). The husband’s concern about underlying issues, like an eating disorder or undiagnosed illness, is reasonable, especially given her reluctance to discuss it.

Cohen’s advice emphasizes open communication: start with empathy, focusing on health rather than appearance. The husband’s update shows progress—his gentle approach led to a mutual agreement for checkups. Readers can follow suit by encouraging loved ones to seek professional input while offering support, perhaps suggesting a joint health check to normalize the process (source: WebMD, 2025).

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got a knack for serving up raw, unfiltered takes, and this story stirred quite the pot. Here’s a peek at what the community had to say, from alarm bells to practical tips:

Gold_Statistician500 − I'm going the opposite direction of these comments... **if** she has actually lost 20 to 25 pounds. If she's truly 105 to 110 pounds at 5'7, she's severely underweight. I think you're going to have to talk to her because this is really serious if she's actually lost that much.

Sodonewithidiots − Tell her you are worried about her health and ask her to see her doctor so you can stop worrying, if everything is fine. If you can get her to make an appointment to see her doctor, call them and let them know that you are concerned. As with every other mental health problem, it can be very hard to get someone to seek help, but from your description, she needs it.

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SpendPsychological30 − Just want to say to all the people saying he needs to have a discussion with her... Reading the initial post it pretty clear this discussion has already happened more then once, and either ignored or not taken well. Not that I have a solution, but telling him to do something it's clear he has already tried to no success is not helpful advice.

zieliigg − If she no longer eats junk food and before was maintaining her weight, then it sounds like she is in a calorie deficit. Which she might have to adjust with some more calories to maintain her current weight, if she is happy with it. Not junk food, but maybe bigger portions.

Outside-Ad-1677 − Now I do take BMI with a pinch of salt but if she is now down to 110lbs (your guesstimate) shed have a BMI of 17.4 which means she’s now underweight and probably quite thin. I’d just do a check in with her about health. Don’t mention weight, ask about other stressors like work or whatever.. Or your math is well off and she’s fine…

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SadRaisin9498 − The lost of strength is indeed weird..

Last_Eye5398 − I am 5.5 and went from 112 pounds to 91 in a few weeks due to undiagnosed type 1 diabetes, has she any other symptoms like excessive thirst or pissing more? Could be serious so would definitely get her to a doctor

GottaBlast7940 − I think it is ok for you to voice your concern and go from there. I’m 5’6.5, 145lbs, size 6 and 26 years old, so very similar to your wife before. In college, I hovered at about 120lbs, so similar to your wife now. I honestly attribute that college weight to two things: lack of access to nutritious foods and just general young person metabolism.

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I started gaining weight after I started going to the gym regularly and cooking/eating better meals (by better I mean home cooked, containing a protein, carb, and veggie and about 300-700cal/meal not necessarily following a diet plan). Now, I also focus primarily on strength training, so it’s expected that I am bulkier than your wife.

She is doing exercises that tend to lead to leaner body composition. So her losing weight could be completely fine. I would definitely consider keeping an eye on her because if it is an ED, she may be hiding it and you would then see her continue to lose weight and/or a change in energy, strength, general health, etc.

Another thought I have because of recent trends would be that she is taking Ozempic which, from what I’ve seen, makes you VERY skinny VERY fast. At any rate, I don’t think there would be harm in voicing your concerns in a neutral way to her.

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Maybe something like “hey honey I’ve noticed you have lost a lot of weight and I don’t want to seem overly concerned, but I love you and just want to make sure you are ok and if not, I am here to help or support you”. Good luck and I hope everything turns out fine!

Eusebius85 − I don’t know, I read this post twice , and I can’t shake off the feeling that it is a fake story .

outdoorsallday − In my experience as someone with a previous eating disorder, someone asking me if I was 'okay' didn't do much. What you describe sounds like disordered eating behavior; she's making an effort to eat 'healthy' and is evading talking about her sudden weight loss.

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Have there been any major life changes recently that might have sparked it? Loss of control in some aspect of life? I was in my teens when my eating disorder began and my parents brought me to a doctor against my wishes - I was immediately hospitalized.

Your partner is an adult and you can't force her to see a doctor, but if you can convince her to see a mental health professional (especially one who specializes in eating disorders) I think it would be a great step. A big motivating factor for me to recover was learning that my eating disorder could lead to infertility and other long-term health effects.

And this might sound backwards, but not commenting on her appearance/weight loss/eating habits might be good - sometimes comments like those fuel an eating disorder because in a twisted way it means you are doing something right if people notice it. Expressing concern is important, but your choice of words is important. Maybe instead focus on her loss of strength and say that concerns you.

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These hot takes spark a question: do they capture the full picture, or is there more to unpack? After all, Reddit’s wisdom can be a mixed bag—candid, yet not always universal.

This husband’s journey from quiet worry to open dialogue reminds us how love can push us to face tough conversations. His wife’s transformation, while inspiring, carried undercurrents of concern that only honest communication could address. Their mutual commitment to checkups is a hopeful step, proving that care can bridge even the trickiest gaps. Have you ever navigated a loved one’s health changes? What would you do in this husband’s shoes? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep the discussion alive!

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