My (29F) Fiancé (29M) “Irish Goodbyed” me at a bar and is now acting strange. Advice?

In a buzzing downtown bar, where neon lights flicker and laughter hums, a woman’s night takes a bewildering turn. Her fiancé, usually her rock, slips away without a word, leaving her stranded in a sea of strangers. Days later, he’s caught driving aimlessly, dodging her questions with a shrug. For this 29-year-old bride-to-be, the sting of his silence cuts deeper than his odd actions.

This isn’t just a tale of one couple’s hiccup—it’s a raw look at trust and communication under strain. Readers will feel her confusion, wondering what’s brewing beneath the surface and how she’ll navigate this unsettling mystery.

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‘My (29F) Fiancé (29M) “Irish Goodbyed” me at a bar and is now acting strange. Advice?’

Sorry for the long post, as i’m trying to include all the details here. My (29f) fiancé (29m) has been acting strange lately and I’m not sure what to do. This all started last weekend when we went to a very busy bar downtown. I was uncomfortable, as I typically don’t love packed bars such as this one. (Social anxiety) I expressed this to my fiancé, and we ended up having some of his friends meet up with us.

Things got a little better for me, as I consider them friends as well. After a while, I noticed my fiancé wasn’t around us anymore and so I checked my phone. He had texted me 20 minutes prior and said “let’s leave and get dinner”. I texted him to ask him where he was and there was no reply. After calling him a few times, he finally answered and said he was outside the bar and then hung up.

He wouldn’t answer any of my other calls. I went outside and after looking for him in crowds of people, i finally found him across the street and down the street about a block. He was standing by himself on his phone. I was furious, and asked him why he left me/didn’t answer his phone, to which he said, “I didn’t leave you”. I continued to ask questions until he just stopped talking. We didn’t talk for the rest of the day.

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While I recognize he didn’t completely leave me downtown, I was still shocked he even left the bar without having a conversation. It was really hard to find him and while I searched for him, I was alone and drunk in a sea of strangers. Also, I was getting another drink when he left the bar and I had asked if he needed one. He said no, but never said anything about leaving.

Through the week, things kind of went back to normal although I did text him once about it more calmly trying to get clarity, and he never replied to my text. Fast forward to this weekend, he woke up and went to the gym while I slept in. He came back from the gym and found me awake but still in bed and he brought me a coffee, as he often does.

I took my time to get up and once I did, I realized he wasn’t at our house anymore. I checked his location and found that he was driving around in our area. I watched as he went in circles until he parked about a mile from our house at a park. (We don’t frequent this park) He stayed there for about 30 minutes. I texted him and asked where he went.

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He never replied to my text. When he finally got home, I asked him where he went in a joking/chipper tone. (I tried to keep things light so I wouldn’t sound accusatory) And he mumbled that he was at the gym. And I said, “No I mean after the gym… you came home from the gym and then left, right?”. And he wouldn’t give me an answer. I got angry and when I continued to press he angrily said “I don’t know, I was just driving around”.

I’m not sure how to feel right now. It’s very odd behavior for him and we don’t typically keep anything like this from each other. It hurts to think that he might have wanted to get away from me…enough to drive around aimlessly for an hour. I’m totally okay with him having private time. A lot of time he goes into our guest room and shuts the door and I don’t bother him.

It feels like something more is happening, but I just don’t understand what. I’m not the best communicator… but it’s something I’m working on. But it’s really hard to communicate with a partner that completely shuts down. I broke down crying yesterday about all of it. I explained to him that it makes me feel like I’m an inconvenience when he doesn’t respond to me and that he’s not acting like a partner After a while, he did apologize for “making me feel like he doesn’t care about me.”

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He said he does care about me and loves me… but he still never gave me more context into why he left the bar or why he was driving around. When I asked about it again, he still said he doesn’t want to talk about it. I feel crazy. He wants to go back to acting normal but I just can’t shake that something is off. Any advice on how you would approach the situation would be greatly appreciated.

A partner’s sudden silence can feel like a locked door. This woman’s fiancé leaving her at a bar and driving aimlessly without explanation has left her confused and hurt, especially with his refusal to open up. The bar exit, ignoring her social anxiety, shows a lack of care, while his odd drive to a park suggests he’s hiding something—stress, guilt, or worse. His stonewalling when questioned creates a rift, making her feel dismissed. This dynamic flags a communication breakdown, critical for any engaged couple.

Poor communication often undermines trust. A 2023 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships noted that avoiding conflict discussions lowers relationship satisfaction. The fiancé’s vague apology without clarity fuels her doubts, a pattern that needs addressing.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says, “Stonewalling creates a wall between partners, blocking emotional connection.” He suggests it often hides deeper issues. Here, the fiancé’s silence might stem from personal struggles or secrets, but his refusal to share stalls progress.

She could try a calm approach: “I feel hurt when you shut down; can we talk?” If he stays closed off, couples counseling might help create a safe space for honesty. Trusting her gut is key—her unease is a signal not to ignore.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out theories and advice with a side of sass—here’s what they had to say:

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cactiisnice − - mental health problems. - addiction. - there's someone else. Are my thoughts, because SOMETHING IS UP. bar =a$$s0le. Driving around = weird/strange/cause for worry

KrofftSurvivor − Trust your gut.. Something is definitely up. How you choose to look into that is up to you, but ignoring it isn't going to make it go away.

NYChockey14 − That’s really weird and strange behavior. The leaving you at the bar was rude and a**hole move. The driving after coming home is very strange. I’d have a serious sit down talk with and ask if anything is going on because this behavior is concerning. Ask him if there’s more stress lately, if there’s anything he wants to talk about, or anything he’s concerned about

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76584329 − Please don't marry him. Consider this a sign of things to come. Something is up, but the fact he won't communicate is enough reason to not marry him.. Maybe he has cold feet about marrying you.. Maybe he's cheating.. Maybe it's drugs. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Is this really the kind of relationship you want? Now imagine being legally and financially tied to this giant maybe.

ignorantiaxbeatitudo − Sounds like he was on the phone to someone, both outside the bar and then in his car, decided to stop and sit in the park to continue his call.

Sheila_Monarch − These are the actions of a man meeting up with his dealer. I had an ex that started doing this s**t. I didn’t catch anywhere near all of them, but it got so frequent that he got sloppy and I caught just enough of them to start wondering wtf. Still took me ages to figure out what it actually was (location sharing didn’t exist then).

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Quick, unexplained dip outs, not far from where he already is (bar, home) but just far enough away to avoid being seen meeting up with someone in a car. He’s thinking he’s going to complete his transaction and be back before anyone notices he dipped out. So when it is noticed, he has no plausible cover story ready.. I’m shocked he’s still sharing his location with OP.

nevertotwice_ − he is definitely hiding something. leaving you at the bar is weird but driving around a random park screams d**g deal or d**g use to me. both of those instances make it seem like he may have hoped he could duck out for a bit and you wouldn’t notice (although he seems to suck at the deception tbh but that doesn’t make it better)

ThomasEdmund84 − How recently are you engaged? How long have you been together? Just wondering because sometimes abusive toxic behaviour ramps up with 'micro-abandonment' and whatnot after a major commitment. I have to note that after you expressed your discomfort in the social situation is when he started pulling this weird behaviour - which is quite the red flag.

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MimZWay − I think he’s talking to someone else on his phone.. Updateme

Throwaway4privacy77 − What I learned is that how your partner treats you almost never improves. Please don’t marry him. 

These hot takes range from suspicion to sympathy, but do they crack the case? Reddit’s quick to speculate, yet real answers might need a gentler touch.

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This woman’s story is a stark reminder that love thrives on trust and open words. Her fiancé’s odd moves and silence have left her rattled, but her willingness to seek clarity shows strength. Readers, what would you do if your partner pulled a vanishing act? How do you rebuild trust when answers are scarce? Drop your thoughts below—let’s unravel this together!

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