My (27F) husband (27M) not picking up the pregnancy test I requested might be my breaking point. What do you think?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a bustling household, a simple grocery list item—a pregnancy test—ignites a marital storm. A young mother, already juggling a baby and toddler, faces anxiety over a late period and her history of premature births. But when her husband, tasked with shopping, skips the test, deeming it “unnecessary,” her trust frays. His dismissal, part of a pattern of neglect, pushes her to consider leaning on her sister instead, dreading his reaction. Now, she questions if depending less on him is the answer.

This isn’t just about a missed item; it’s a raw clash of care and accountability in marriage. As she weighs her breaking point, Reddit dives in with fierce support and stark warnings. Readers will feel her frustration and ask: is she overreacting, or is this a red flag too big to ignore? Let’s unpack this domestic drama.

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‘My (27F) husband (27M) not picking up the pregnancy test I requested might be my breaking point. What do you think?’

I put a pregnancy test on the grocery list and my husband didn’t buy it because he determined it wasn’t necessary.. Reality check: is it obvious that a pregnancy test is an important and urgent grocery item?  My husband is in charge of grocery shopping, last time I put a pregnancy test on the list because I’m 7 days late.

We just had our second in January, so it’s unlikely but I’m very anxious, in part because I had two preemies and would immediately want to consult with my OBGYN on how to keep this baby in as long as possible. (He knows all this). Of course I could run out and get a pregnancy test myself, but with a small baby and toddler that’s not too much fun.

I’m inclined to ask my sister (25F) to pick one up after work (she’s our neighbor), but I’m dreading his reaction, from past experience, I’m convinced he’ll see it as me punishing him by involving my sister in something private to us.

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Also, in part it’s also about what it stands for for me, another in a long list of instances where my and the kid’s needs for care and consideration are not met. Especially because he didn’t check back with me, calling me from the store or something, but just single handedly determined that my peace of mind wasn’t worth a few bucks and minutes of finding it.

I’m assuming he’s subconsciously avoiding the anxiety of a potential pregnancy and doesn’t want to know, but it’s just hard being depended on someone to a certain extent when things like this happen.

Am I expecting too much by not wanting to ask and explain myself several times for him to respond to my requests? What are your views on me feeling it would be way less emotionally taxing to set our lives up in a way where I depended on him as little as possible?. Thank you so much.

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A skipped pregnancy test reveals cracks in a marriage’s foundation. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that “respecting a partner’s needs builds trust” (The Gottman Institute). Let’s dissect this.

The wife, anxious about a possible pregnancy due to her medical history, relied on her husband to buy a test. His unilateral decision to skip it, without discussion, dismissed her valid concerns. This echoes a pattern of neglecting her and their children’s needs, eroding partnership. Her fear of his reaction to involving her sister hints at deeper control issues. Gottman’s research shows 70% of marital conflicts stem from unmet emotional needs (Journal of Marriage and Family).

This taps a broader issue: emotional labor in partnerships. With 60% of mothers reporting unequal household burdens (Pew Research Center), mutual support is critical. His avoidance may reflect his own anxiety, but it doesn’t justify ignoring hers.

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Gottman suggests direct communication. The wife should firmly express how his actions hurt, seeking clarity on his dismissive pattern. If he deflects, counseling or reevaluating dependence may be necessary.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit tackled this marital mess like it’s a high-stakes intervention, unloading empathy and alarm with equal force. It’s a virtual wake-up call where no slight goes unchecked. Here’s the crowd’s unfiltered take:

HotShoulder3099 − When I left my ex-husband, a friend of his who I also got on with tried to do a bit of mediating to help my ex understand why I’d gone. I told him that when my husband said “I’m going to the shops, do you need anything?” and I’d said “ooh, a travel-size toothpaste please”, he’d come back with a full-size tube and explained to me that it was better value that way

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Sounds completely dumb, right? And of course I didn’t leave my husband over a tube of toothpaste (of any size). But it was a clean example of a thing my husband did an awful lot. If I hadn’t explained my decision-making process to him, he said to himself not “well she probably has information I don’t, I’ll assume she’s a roughly competent adult and trust her decision” but, apparently, “she’s obviously a moron, better override her for her own good”.

What annoyed me about the toothpaste thing specifically was the sheer level of stupid he thought I was, as if I’d been on the planet 40+ years and not figured out that toothpaste was better value in big tubes. What does it say about your husband’s view of your intelligence that he thinks he knows better than you do about whether you need to *check if you’re pregnant*???

KingOk5336 − Of course, you're not expecting too much. Leave him with the kids and go buy your test. But also please don't think it is unlikely for you to get pregnant just because you gave birth a few months ago because that is not true.

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Enough-Process9773 − No, you aren't expecting too much. Ask your sister to nip out and buy the pregnancy test. Tell your husband that if he had got the pregnancy test as you'd asked him to, you wouldn't have needed to involve your sister, so that's on him.

Look, what I would do is: Tell your husband, if he tries to get emotional about your 'involving your sister', you want to talk to him about it, but the first priority is, you want to find out if you're pregnant or not, and then - if you are - to figure out what the best course of action is to deal with that.

Once you've accomplished all you can with regard to that issue, then will be the time to discuss why your husband chose to make you have to ask your sister to buy a pregnancy test for you, rather than just buying it as you requested and keeping it private between the two of you.

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Then tell him, while you are dealing with the pregnancy test that he refused to buy for you so you had to ask your sister to buy it, that he needs to read Matthew Frey's article [She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink]

and consider that (a) you don't want to divorce him but (b) you don't want to be married to a man who doesn't respect you and trust your judgement even enough to buy a pregnancy test when you say you need one, and (c) if he didn't want your sister involved - that's on him, he should just have bought the damn pregnancy test in the first place.

AuntyVenom − No, you aren't expecting too much. He was an a**hole to you. And yes, not depending on him would probably be best because he substitutes his own judgment for your own.

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Fjordgard − OP, I think you already got a lot of good advice. So I want to carefully ask, since you seem to be set on keeping the new baby as well if you are pregnant again: Are you *sure* about that, given how your husband behaves?

I'm asking because it seems you cannot rely on him to help you with things that are important to you and he is perfectly fine telling you that your needs don't matter and that he knows better than you. This is obviously not a healthy partnership since he considers his opinion above yours and thus you beneath him.

In fact, it feels borderline emotionally abusive. Having another child with this man seems like a bad idea. It would make you even more dependent on someone who doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart and whose reactions you are 'dreading' (another very strong indication of you being in an abusive relationship).

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You are calling this your potential breaking point - which tells me that you are potentially ready to leave? That, too, is not a good point in time to bring another child into the mix. I also want to bring up one more possibility from the opposite side:

Is it possible that your husband doesn't want another child and, given that it sounds like you had trouble carrying to term before, is sort of hoping that you miscarry if he stops you from getting care for a pregnancy? Of course I hope I am wrong, but again, he is giving very strong abusive/controlling/manipulative signs.

This_Grab_452 − Your asshat husband aside, why not ask your sister to pick this up?. Your fear of his reaction tells me way more than your post. Is your relationship abusive?

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freeze45 − The dollar store pregnancy tests are the same as name brand ones, actually more accurate in my case- they indicated my first pregnancy before any other brand.

axley58678 − Hello! Literally everything else aside, if you are altering your behavior or avoiding topics/tasks because you are “dreading his reaction based on past experiences” for a totally normal thing then you are in an abusive relationship! Just fyi.

nomoresweetheart − Order one in on delivery, it’s more expensive but it’s important. It’s not unlikely because you gave birth in January, right after I had my toddler they warned that actually we’re more fertile after for a while,

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and the breastfeeding thing is a myth - they made sure we had discussed birth control options and had something in place for right after going home. He doesn’t sound like a partner to be honest. Take the test and then either way it’s time for some tough conversations - your health should be a priority and so should the childrens’ care.

hotmumma7 − I'd go pick up my own test and some condoms.. Or maybe rubbish bags.. A large one to put your husband in.. I hope for your sake you aren't pregnant if this is his reaction just to a test request!!

These Redditors rally behind the wife, slamming her husband’s disregard as disrespectful, with some flagging abusive red flags. They urge her to prioritize her health and rethink reliance on him. Are they right to sound the alarm, or is there hope for repair? One thing’s clear: this test snub has everyone talking.

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This pregnancy test saga exposes the weight of small oversights in a strained marriage. The husband’s dismissal of his wife’s urgent need, part of a broader neglect pattern, pushes her toward independence and tough choices. Reddit’s chorus demands accountability, warning of deeper issues. As she navigates this breaking point, one truth stands out: partnership thrives on mutual care. Ever faced a partner ignoring your needs? Share your stories below!

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