My (27F) boyfriend (31M) of two years told me he would always want a paternity test for any kids he has because “as a man, you can never know”.

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In a cozy kitchen, the sizzle of a pan blends with casual chatter, but for one woman, a bombshell lands mid-conversation. Her boyfriend’s firm stance on needing a paternity test for any future children—no matter the circumstances—feels like a jab of distrust, leaving her heart heavy with doubt. At 27, she navigates love and loyalty, wrestling with whether his request is a practical precaution or a warning sign in their two-year romance. The sting of feeling doubted lingers, pulling her into deep reflection.

This Reddit story captures a timeless tension: trust versus certainty. Her emotional crossroads draws readers into a tale of love under scrutiny. Her raw, relatable struggle sets the stage for a closer look at perspectives, expert insights, and the Reddit community’s lively takes on this delicate balance of doubt and devotion.

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‘My (27F) boyfriend (31M) of two years told me he would always want a paternity test for any kids he has because “as a man, you can never know”.’

My boyfriend and i were making dinner and chatting about our days and I told him about some drama in my life and how one of my co-workers is questioning the paternity of his adult daughter. Thats when my boyfriend told me that, no matter the scenerio, he would always want a paternity test for any kids he has.

He said we could be locked away in an isolated cabin for the entirety of a pregnancy and he would still want a test, just to be sure. He said he would do all the leg work of scheduling the test, showing up to it, and paying for it.

His reasoning for wanting this is that as a man, you can never truly, 100% know if a kid is yours without the test so he would want it just in case. He also mentioned hearing too many horror stories about men raising children that werent theirs.

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He wanted to let me know all of this now, before we were thinking about having kids, because asking for one after i was pregnant or while we were trying would be offensive. In the moment, i felt kinda disgusted at the request, but thought bringing it up now WAS a lot better than bringing it up later.

I also am a woman, so i will know 100% that any kids i have will be mine. Therefore, i hid my disgust and told him that it would be fine. But the more i thought about it, the more i hated it. Asking for a paternity test, in pretty much any scenerio, is an accusation of cheating.

Its saying you don't trust your parnter enough to not cheat AND you dont trust your partner enough not to trick you into raising a child thats not yours. Bringing it up before thinking about having kids is better than bringing it up afterwards, but still seems like a red flag.

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Try as i might, i cant stop myself from feeling hurt by this. I have no intention of ever cheating on my boyfriend, so I can only really see it as an inability to trust. So now i am here, asking for perspective. Is this a reasonable request from him? Is the perspective of this situation from a mans view something i just cant see? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

This couple’s dinner chat turned into a trust tightrope. The boyfriend’s blanket demand for a paternity test, even in an isolated cabin scenario, signals a deep need for certainty that clashes with his partner’s expectation of trust. Her hurt is understandable—his request subtly questions her fidelity, casting a shadow over their bond. Yet, his early honesty, raised before kids are in the picture, shows a clumsy attempt at transparency.

This situation mirrors a broader issue: navigating trust in relationships amid tales of betrayal. A 2018 study from the Institute for Family Studies notes that 10-15% of men face paternity fraud concerns, fueling caution in some. Dr. David Buss, an evolutionary psychologist, explains, “Men face a unique reproductive risk women don’t—uncertainty of paternity—which can shape protective behaviors”. The boyfriend’s stance likely stems from fear, not accusation, amplified by horror stories.

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Buss’s perspective highlights the boyfriend’s motives but doesn’t erase the emotional toll on his partner. His approach risks distancing her, prioritizing proof over trust. Couples in this bind could benefit from open dialogue—discussing fears without ultimatums. Counseling, as suggested by The Gottman Institute, can rebuild mutual understanding. She might explore whether his need for certainty aligns with her vision of partnership, fostering a conversation to bridge their divide.

This isn’t just about a test—it’s about whether trust can coexist with skepticism. Their story invites reflection on how couples navigate doubt while nurturing love.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s takes are as fiery as that kitchen stir-fry. The community splits sharply—some view the boyfriend’s request as a pragmatic shield, others as a trust-killer. Opinions range from empathy for his caution to skepticism about the relationship’s foundation.

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These candid perspectives highlight the divide between personal trust and societal fears, offering a glimpse into how others weigh this emotional dilemma. These Reddit views swing from support to critique, capturing the complexity of trust in modern relationships.

Azure_phantom − He brought it up early, which is great. You’re not pregnant or trying to be and now you know, if you get pregnant with this man, he will want a paternity test. Does it mean he doesn’t trust you? Does it means he’s being smart? Does it mean he’s a good/bad/neutral guy? Dunno and don’t care.

But now you can decide are you comfortable being in a long term relationship and having kids with a man who will demand a paternity test? If the answer is no, then you can wish him well and find someone more compatible.

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If the answer is yes, then you can thank him for sharing, tell him you agree and have no issue with that position, and keep on dating him. I’ve been sterilized so kids are off the table for me. But if I were capable of having kids still… I’d still choose to be childfree so it’d be an incompatibility regardless.

Which isn’t much help to your situation. But if I wanted kids, I’m not sure I’d want to be with a man who would demand a paternity test regardless. Speaks of some deep-seated issues with women I don’t want to be the guinea pig to unpack with.

FatSadHappy − Well, he says “ I can’t trust you no matter what” which is hurtful.. And on your side you have 0 proof of him not fathering kids on the side .

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trying3216 − He’s saying he doesn’t trust anyone under any circumstance.

HoshiJones − I get why a man would want reassurance. And I get why that would be a deal breaker for a woman.

AffectionateBite3827 − I really appreciate his willingness to 'show up' for a test that requires his participation lol. Like did he think he'd submit his DNA over Zoom? Also, why would you being locked away during the pregnancy matter?

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Does he mean during the conception window? Or is he wildly uneducated about pregnancy, DNA, and maybe 50 other matters? Does he think if you fucked another guy while pregnant that it changes paternity?

PeteyPorkchops − He said we could be locked away in an isolated cabin for the entirety of a pregnancy and he would still want a test, just to be sure. So you can be the only 2 people around and he still wouldn’t trust you. Well that’s a healthy foundation for a relationship.

There is no scenario outside of a DNA test where this guy has any amount of trust in his partner. I under the impression if we can be the last 2 people on earth and you’d still doubt me that much then what’s the point of being with me.

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[Reddit User] − I’m in the unique situation where, A, I’m a woman who technically can’t be 100% sure my kids are mine (we did fertility treatments) and B, my husband actually did find out “his” son was not his. He told me from the very beginning that he’d want a paternity test on future children.

Granted his circumstances were a bit different, having lived through that scenario, but I decided early on that I was okay with that stance. Without that having been a situation he’d literally lived through before, though, I don’t know if my view would’ve been different.

Arya_kidding_me − I’m a woman, fwiw. I have had so many irrational fears in my life that I am CERTAIN if I was a man, i would want a paternity test. No matter how sure I was in my partner, there would always be that pesky little voice saying “what if”! For that reason, I don’t blame any man for wanting a paternity test.

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Frankly, I think they should be standard before a man’s name goes on the birth certificate. Even as a woman, if I had a child and they didn’t look like me, I think I’d get a DNA test to see if there was a potential mixup at the hospital. It’s rare but it’s happened multiple times - why not find out for sure so you can stop wondering?

UsuallyWrite2 − The purpose of dating is to see if it’s a good fit.. You now know that your partner has fundamental trust issues that are contrary to your level of trust. Is he right? Wrong? A jerk? I dunno. It was a mostly hypothetical discussion so I wouldn’t put too much on it.

But I can appreciate that it raises some concerns for you. On the flip side, no one gets married planning to divorce, no one plans for a partner to cheat, no one plans to raise a child that is the result of an affair and yet….those things happen. A lot.

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So if I were a man (I’m not, I’m a 45F and childfree at that), I would like to have confirmation before I put my name on a birth certificate and became legally and financially responsible for a child. Especially an unplanned one. To me that is logical. But people “in love” don’t always appreciate logic.

Which is a piece of information he is learning about you as well. I think it would give me some serious pause overall about the relationship if he was being serious but in the context of your conversation, his comment seems pretty reasonable.

Fluffle-Potato − Let me try to provide some context. This week on the judgement/advice subs, there were multiple posts of men being tricked into raising other men's kids. (Probably why this post exists.)

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There's been zero debate regarding the immorality of the women involved, but the debate rages on over whether or not a man would be 'bad' for leaving the whole situation and the kid(s) he raised.

No matter what your stance is there, a TON of commenters - women and men alike - agreed that mandatory paternity testing would completely eliminate this issue. Out of all the men who had their lives destroyed through this evil, they all trusted their woman 100%. This really isn't about you.

It's about making widespread change at the societal level to prevent this tragedy. Also, you buy insurance on the off chance your house is hit by a tornado. You don't plan on it, but you're prepared. Same with prenups: no, I don't think you're going to try to s**ew me over, but I'm prepared in the off chance that I'm wrong about you. This is a similar situation.

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This tale leaves us pondering whether love can flourish when trust feels tested. The woman’s hurt and her boyfriend’s caution reveal a delicate balance in relationships. Their story sparks reflection on trust, communication, and dealbreakers. Share your thoughts—have you navigated a trust hiccup like this? What would you do in her shoes? Let’s keep the conversation going!

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