My [27F] STBXH [37M] forced me into an open marriage and is now telling everyone I cheated on him. How do I prove my innocence?

In a world where love should be a sanctuary, a 27-year-old woman finds herself trapped in a nightmare of coercion and betrayal. Her soon-to-be ex-husband forced her into an open marriage, parading his affairs in their shared home, only to spin a web of lies accusing her of infidelity after she broke free. Now, as friends turn against her, believing his claims of her “social climbing,” she fights to reclaim her truth and rebuild her life.

This Reddit post pulls readers into a raw tale of manipulation and resilience. Her struggle to counter a smear campaign while navigating the fallout of an abusive marriage resonates deeply. Can she rise above the rumors and find peace, or will his lies define her? Her story is a stark reminder that sometimes, the hardest battles are fought for your own voice.

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‘My [27F] STBXH [37M] forced me into an open marriage and is now telling everyone I cheated on him. How do I prove my innocence?’

Two years ago, my husband asked me if we could open our marriage (married for 3 years, together for 5), when I said I wasn’t comfortable with that, he said either we open our marriage or get a divorce. I didn’t want a divorce, so I agreed to an open marriage.

The next year was awful, he would flaunt all of the girls he was sleeping with in front of me, he would even bring them to our apartment to sleep with them whilst I was home, he even slept with my now ex best friend (Jane) and tried to have a threesome with us.

When I tried to voice my concerns, he dismissed them and said I had my chance to set rules when we first had the discussion (the only ‘rule’ we had was we had to use protection) and I couldn’t complain now. After that first year, I ended up confiding in my friend Anna \[27\].

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Anna and I have been friends since high school, but she never liked my husband, so we drifted after I got married. When I told her, what was happening she insisted I go back to work (my husband made me quit my job when we got married despite the fact I had a higher earning potential than him and we’ve struggled with money since).

She ended up connecting me with her brother Leo \[30\] who is the owner of a company in the field I was planning to pursue my career in. After an informal interview he offered me a job. My husband wasn’t happy and kept insisting I quit. He even offered to close our marriage if I would just quit but I didn’t want to be dependent on him again, so I refused.

He even threatened divorce but by this point I was checked out of the relationship, so I didn’t care. About eight months later, Anna offered to let me move in with her since her roommate was moving out. I took her up on the offer and filed for divorce. Her and Leo helped me move my stuff out when my husband was at work.

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My husband has now been telling family and friends that I was having an affair with Leo this whole time. I wasn’t but most people believe him. Most of my friends are insisting I go back to my husband and have made comments about how I was trying to social climb by sleeping with Leo.

They have been giving me a lot of lectures about how money isn’t everything and sometimes you find a good man who loves you and you shouldn’t throw him away just because someone else can offer you more materialistic stuff. Jane in particular is very vocal about what a s\*\*\* I am.

Just for context, she used to like Leo back in high school, but he rejected her multiple times, so I think she’s being especially vicious because she thinks something is really going on between us. I don’t have any written proof about this whole open marriage fiasco so I can’t show them that. Is there any other way I can convince them I wasn’t sleeping around? How can I stop letting the rumours he’s spreading affect me?

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Escaping a coercive marriage is a triumph, but the aftermath—like a smear campaign—can be brutal. This woman’s ex-husband’s lies about her “affair” with Leo are a classic tactic to deflect blame and maintain control, even after she left.

Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes, an expert on coercive control, states, “Smear campaigns are a form of post-separation abuse, designed to isolate and discredit the victim” (Psychology Today). His actions—forcing an open marriage, flaunting partners, and pressuring her to quit her job—reflect a pattern of control, not love. A 2023 study by the National Domestic Violence Hotline notes that 55% of survivors face reputational attacks post-separation, amplifying their social isolation (The Hotline).

Her situation underscores a broader issue: the stigma survivors face when abusers rewrite the narrative. Her friends’ quick belief in his lies, fueled by Jane’s jealousy, highlights how abusers exploit social dynamics. Trying to “prove” her innocence risks entangling her further, as it feeds his need for attention.

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Dr. Fontes advises survivors to “focus on their own healing and trusted allies rather than public defense.” She should limit contact with unsupportive friends, lean on Anna and Leo, and document harassment for legal protection. Therapy can help process the trauma of abuse and betrayal.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crew swung into action, serving up a fiery blend of support and shade, like a group chat hyping up a friend. From calling out her ex’s narcissism to urging her to ditch toxic friends, here’s the scoop:

Mrsbreezyb − Look into what is called a smear campaign. Your ex is a narcissist and this is part of his control and manipulation. Don’t engage, and keep your true friends close. They are the ones who matter.

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sizzlingtofu − Wow, leave your husband and all these terrible unsupportive friends behind. Your husband was so abusive and disrespectful towards you and clearly none of your friends and family clued in. Time to start fresh with people who understand and believe in you. Life is so much better when you cut out toxic people and it sounds like you’ve had a lot of it around you. Good luck.

[Reddit User] − Your best revenge is living well. Forget all those 'friends' and your abusive and controlling soon-to-be ex-husband.

_Disco-Stu − My exhubs forced me into an open marriage and didn’t tell me about it at all. He then told everyone that I cheated on him after I left him. So, I 100% feel you on this. Here’s the pill that’s extremely hard to swallow. It doesn’t matter. At all. Let them think what they’re going to think.

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At best, you convince someone who already believed you to be a piece of s**t that you’re not that bad. At worst, you look like a panicked, crazed ex wife. You don’t need it. 1. Why did he feel comfortable going to them and 2. Why did they believe him without discussing it with you?.

In my case, anybody who wholesale believed him didn’t belong in my life. Prune the branches. You don’t need to convince anyone, they need to convince you why they should remain in your life after not recognizing you were being abused and then siding with your abuser. I am so sorry this happened to you. Stay strong and know that the opinions and beliefs of others have absolutely nothing to do with anything.

johnnyd50 − You can't convince people that are already close minded if you already told them your side and they refuse to believe it then they are the type of people that you need to cut out off your life.

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There is always potential to firm new relationships you tell them 'I have already you told you my side of things if you don't care to believe me then that's on you and your opinions on the matter I couldn't care less. I know the truth and that is all that matters.'

Do not let anyone guilt trip and don't feel pressured to go back to your husband he is a d**k and you deserve better. You primary concern is your well being and independency in the future do not let anyone you are in a relationship to force you to do anything that you are not comfortable with. You need to have standards and not put up with crap.

[Reddit User] − Your ex husband is just mad because you left his sorry cheating ass . He thought that he would keep you wrapped around his finger but you gained your power and control back and independence and he doesn’t like that so he’s being a little b**ch and starting rumors to gain sympathy so he looks like the good guy.

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He’s just bitter you left him and f**king GOOD RIDDANCE to his ass 🖕🏽 as for Jane she’s just a hater cause you married the guy she longed for who didn’t want her back then . She fucked him out of spite and looks pathetic egging him on because it just shows her jealousy . I say ignore em and block them and continue to live your life.

He’s only telling those lies because when and if people find out the truth they would find out what a piece of s**t he really is . He’s a loser and him and Jane deserve each other . Have fun catching stds and don’t let the door hit yo ass in the way out .

Girl do you , you are shining and daily growing your strength back and blossoming into the woman you are meant to be . People can’t stand to see other shine and he’s bitter you’re doing better without him . Misery loves company and you finally left his ass alone . Go head queen , do yo thang girl 👏🏾👑

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steampig − Wait, so Jane fucked your husband with you in the apartment and then is mad/jealous about Leo? Drop these people. They are garbage. You don’t need to convince anyone of anything, just don’t communicate with them anymore.

laugholittleapple − Get your priorities right. First, finish the divorce. Cut out all people who don't believe you. Get involved in your work and your life. Make new and better friends, friends who support you instead of taking sides. Don't even start trying to prove your innocence, it's a trap that will lead you down a rabbit hole. Learn to value yourself. It's all about self value

Riksunraksu − Anyone harassing you just reply: “Yeah sure if cheating means being forced by my husband to let him f**k other women the yeah. Obviously it’s cheating when you’re the one being cheated on by a man who has to have his d**k in multiple cunts instead of being loyal to his own wife.”. D**p all of them, go no contact.

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Insane-In-Da-Brain − Damn. With friends like that you really don't need enemies.

These Redditors rally behind her, slamming her ex’s manipulation and her friends’ betrayal. They push for no-contact and self-focus, but do their passionate takes oversimplify the pain of losing a social circle? One thing’s clear: her story has sparked a wave of solidarity.

This woman’s journey is a powerful reminder that leaving an abusive relationship is only the first step—surviving the aftermath takes equal courage. Her ex’s lies aim to steal her voice, but her strength in rebuilding her life shines through. Can she let go of the need to prove her innocence and embrace her truth? Her story challenges us to reflect on resilience in the face of betrayal. How would you handle a smear campaign from someone you once loved? Share your thoughts below and keep the conversation going.

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