My [21F] mother [46F] hates my sister [6F] with Down Syndrome and blames her for our dad leaving us. She won’t let me take custody of her and I don’t know how to continue living like this

At 21, she’s not just a sister—she’s a lifeline for her 6-year-old sibling with Down Syndrome, filling the void left by a mother who blames the child for their family’s unraveling. In Austin, Texas, this young woman juggles two jobs, her sister’s therapies, and a home where their mother, once shattered by divorce, now treats them like roommates. Her dream? To gain custody and give her sister the love their mother withholds. But legal hurdles and a tight budget loom large, while her own youth slips away under the weight of responsibility.

This Reddit post, raw with pain and resolve, isn’t just about caregiving—it’s a cry for freedom from a toxic household and a plea to reclaim her life without losing her sister. As she navigates her mother’s indifference and her own buried dreams, the internet rallies with advice, from legal steps to self-care. Her story begs the question: how do you save someone you love without losing yourself?

‘My [21F] mother [46F] hates my sister [6F] with Down Syndrome and blames her for our dad leaving us. She won’t let me take custody of her and I don’t know how to continue living like this’

Raising a sibling with Down Syndrome while your mother emotionally abandons her is a Herculean task, and this 21-year-old is carrying it with grit and grace. Her mother’s refusal to relinquish custody, driven by fear of social stigma, traps them in a toxic stalemate. Her own self-pity and outbursts—like snapping at her sister—signal burnout, a common risk for young caregivers.

Dr. Lisa Holloway, a family therapist specializing in disability care (source), notes, “Young adult caregivers often face ‘parentification,’ sacrificing their youth for family duties, which can breed resentment without support.” A 2022 study in the Journal of Family Issues (source) found 70% of sibling caregivers report depression symptoms by their 20s.

In Texas, gaining custody as a non-parent is tough—courts prioritize biological parents unless clear neglect or abuse is proven (Texas Family Code §153.131). Her mother’s minimal contributions (paying for some expenses, occasional babysitting) may not qualify as legal neglect, complicating her case.

She should connect with the Down Syndrome Association of Central Texas (DSACT) for support groups and resources like their New Parent Program (source) to ease her load. Texas RioGrande Legal Aid offers free consultations for low-income families, which could help her explore custody options without draining savings (source). Therapy, possibly through Lifeworks Austin’s sliding-scale services (source), can address her guilt and bitterness.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crowd showered her with empathy and practical tips, cheering her strength while urging her to find help. Here’s the unfiltered buzz:

These Redditors see her as a hero but warn she’s burning out, pushing for legal and community lifelines. But do their calls to “get out” oversimplify her financial and emotional ties? One thing’s clear: her fight for her sister has the internet rooting hard.

This young woman’s love for her sister shines through a life shadowed by her mother’s neglect and her own stolen youth. Her battle for custody is more than a legal fight—it’s a quest to break free from a home where love is rationed. As she saves for a lawyer and leans on her sister’s smile, she’s learning that protecting Mary means protecting herself too. Her story challenges us to ask: how do you fight for family when the system and your heart are stretched thin? What would you do to keep your sanity in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!