My (18M) GF’s (19F) parents want me to provide for her, and I don’t know what to think?

The hum of a college dorm room, filled with textbooks and dreams of a nursing career, was where Ethan thought his biggest challenges lay—until a doctor’s bill changed everything. His girlfriend, Sophie, needed $125 for a swollen eye, and her parents’ response wasn’t just to cover it but to demand Ethan, an 18-year-old student, step up as her provider. Barred from visiting her until he lands a job, Ethan’s left reeling, caught between love and an ultimatum that feels like it’s from another century.

This isn’t just about a medical bill; it’s about expectations that weigh heavier than Ethan’s textbooks. Sophie’s hint that their relationship hinges on his income adds salt to the wound, leaving him questioning if love should come with a paycheck. Readers are pulled into this modern clash of old-school values, eager to untangle whether Ethan’s pause on the relationship is a bold stand or a hasty retreat.

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‘My (18M) gF’s (19F) parents want me to provide for her, and I don’t know what to think?’

So recently, my gf of two years had a swollen eye and needed to go to the doctor. My gf doesn’t have insurance and her charge was $125. She asked her parents for the money and they gave it to her. She currently lives with her father and he’s only home once a week.

I would go by to visit my gf, but today I have been told that I cannot visit anymore until I find a steady source of income. I am a full time college student pursuing nursing, and I haven’t worked since I was 16. My gf told me that her parents feel that since she’s in a relationship, that person should be who she asks for money from and not them.

I could have helped her pay the bill, but I feel that her parents’ logic is skewed. I still live with my mother and I have applied to CNA training that begins in mid to late May. After telling my gf this, she proceeded to say she doesn’t know where our relationship will be if I don’t acquire steady income.

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I told her the next time I would contact her was when I acquire said income. Should I be providing for a 19 year old girl whilst being one year out of high school? Isn’t that moving too fast? Was I right for practically putting our relationship on hold? Are her parents in the right for putting such expectations on me without understanding the workload I endure on a weekly basis in college?

Ethan’s situation is a jarring reminder that some families still cling to outdated notions of men as providers, even for teenagers. Sophie’s parents’ demand that Ethan, a full-time student, fund her medical bills ignores his reality and shifts their responsibility onto him. Sophie’s alignment with this expectation, threatening the relationship’s future, shows a troubling lack of partnership.

This reflects a broader issue: rigid gender roles in relationships. A 2022 Pew Research study found 29% of Americans still believe men should be primary breadwinners (Pew Research). Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual support, not unilateral demands” (Gottman Institute). Sophie’s parents’ stance dismisses Ethan’s academic pressures, while Sophie’s ultimatum undermines their equality as partners.

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Ethan’s decision to pause contact was a boundary-setting move, though emotionally charged. The sarcastic undertone of expecting an 18-year-old to play provider highlights the absurdity—Sophie, at 19, could seek work herself. Ethan should calmly explain his financial and academic constraints, suggesting Sophie address her parents’ expectations directly. Couples counseling, though less common for young daters, could clarify their values, per Gottman’s advice.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit rolled in like a storm, dishing out blunt advice with a side of humor for Ethan’s predicament. From cries of “Run!” to sarcastic jabs about dowries, the comments are a spicy mix of support and outrage. Here’s the unfiltered take:

WildlyUninteresting − You should avoid this relationship.. They are crazy. You are both teenagers and students. There is nothing magical about dating her.. They will only become more unreasonable with time and teach her this broken thinking.

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Imanalphafemale − If your gf agrees to this, you better run

[Reddit User] − You should not be providing for her. You are not married nor live together. This isn’t 1820, she can get a job herself, it is not the mans responsibility to take financial care of a woman especially in your situation.

emt139 −  Was I right for practically putting our relationship on hold? This is a great decision. Do not go back to her, even when you have steady income. She’s your equal, not your dependent. If her parents don’t support her, I guess she needs to work and support herself. . She is not your responsibility. Seriously, don’t ever go back to her. 

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Ihateyou1975 − Run. Sweet baby Jesus.  Run. No you’re not responsible for her! You aren’t married.  Not even engaged. They just don’t want to pay for her themselves.  She’s 19. If she wants an income. She needs to get a job. 

Single_Vacation427 − They are her parents. They should provide for her or she can work.. Break up and focus on studying.

[Reddit User] − You are 18-years-old, lmao. No. In the nicest, least condescending way possible, you are more a child than an adult. You are way too young to be providing for anyone other than yourself, especially in THIS economy. Enjoy living with your mother, and I suggest enjoy being single, and I mean that. Take yourself out on some movie dates.

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TeachingClassic5869 − Oh hell no. Her parents are trying to push their responsibility off onto you. It is absolutely not your job to support her.

Nerfixion − I'd ask what's her dowry to gauge is she's worth it.. If they want to be money focused idiots.

tmchd − If you both are not from the culture that supports this type of thinking, I'd say 2 possibilities: 1. Her parents want you guys to break up, because this is a very unreasonable request. Most people would know that. I think by requesting this, they can encourage the two of you to split up.

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2. They thought you're the cause of her swollen eye. Directly/indirectly so go back to no. 1, they want you out of their daughter's life. I lean more on no. 1, but possibility of no. 2 too. If it's no. 2, they think if you're the cause of her swollen eye, you need to be responsible for paying doc's visit.. ETA:. Was I right for practically putting our relationship on hold? 

You can do this for whatever reason. I think that this will work for her parents, that's what they want, you away from their daughter or you guys breaking up.. Of course, it's absurd to expect another teenager to be responsible for another one financially.

Redditors didn’t mince words, urging Ethan to ditch a relationship tied to unfair demands. Some saw Sophie’s parents as manipulative, others called her complicit. The consensus? Ethan’s too young for this burden, and Sophie should step up. But do these fiery opinions miss nuance, or nail the truth?

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Ethan’s tale is a wake-up call about love tangled in outdated expectations. Sophie’s parents’ demands and her wavering loyalty have pushed Ethan to a crossroads, where pausing the relationship feels like his only leverage. At 18, juggling college and a future in nursing, he deserves a partner who values him, not his wallet. Could open communication save this romance, or is Ethan better off solo? What would you do if faced with such a financial ultimatum in a young relationship? Drop your thoughts below.

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