Just found out my husband invited another woman over to spend the night while I’m away on business. How to proceed?

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Picture a quiet morning, suitcases half-packed, and a wife stealing a glance at her husband’s phone as a text lights up the screen. For a 24-year-old woman gearing up for a business trip, that glance revealed a sting: her husband invited a female friend over, a detail he conveniently left out of his “solo weekend” plans. The air feels thick with unspoken questions.

Hurt by his secrecy, she’s caught in a whirlwind of doubt and determination. Should she confront him before jetting off or hold her tongue until she’s back? This relatable marital hiccup, laced with a touch of sitcom-worthy drama, pulls us into a story of trust, communication, and the little lies that spark big conversations.

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‘Just found out my husband invited another woman over to spend the night while I’m away on business. How to proceed?’

My apologies for the concerns questioning the validity of my post. I used the same throwaway account in another sub to ask a question in which I scrambled identifying information. Thanks to the mods here for keeping shitposts out of the feed, and for taking the time to verify my identity.. Long time lurker, first time poster. Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I (24F) leave on a flight in 3 hours for a 5 day business trip. My husband (28M) is currently sleeping, and I’m finishing packing. I text message popped up on his phone saying, “Yeah, I’d love to spend the night! That’ll make things so much easier.” It was from a friend (18F) of his who we’ve had disagreements over before (mostly because he doesn’t feel the need to tell me anything about her, when they hang out, etc.

Which he does on his own for all of his male friends). He has a number of female friends, and I really don’t mind. They’re good people, and there seem to be boundaries in place. Not with this girl though. Texts from her frequently pop up throughout the day, and as late as 1 and 2 in the morning. I’ll admit it, curiosity got the better of me, and I read their previous few messages.

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He invited her over to go on a day trip with him to his favorite place to smoke weed. It’s her first time. He then invited her to stay the night before, so they could get an early start the next day. Thing is, as we were going to bed last night, I asked him what his plans were while I was gone. He usually makes an effort to do something fun for himself, and to get one big honey-do item taken care of.

When we were talking about my trip last night, he was VERY detailed in his plans (down to what he’ll be doing each day, which was unusual) but he made no mention of this girl, and made it sound as though he was making the drive alone. When I suggested he hang out with one of his friends, he said “I dunno. I think I could use a quiet weekend in.”

I’m freaking out a bit. We have been having some trouble, and I saw in their messages that he’s been talking to her about it... A LOT. I get needing to have a friend to talk to, but he’s always telling me he doesn’t want his friends to think poorly of me. Yet from their messages, she obviously does.. Reddit, what do I do? How do I handle this?

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Edit: I should mention that he’s had a history of hiding behavior with women from me. Thing is, I’m really easy going and whenever he tells me “so and so is coming over” I’m the one who brings home snacks for them. Yet he’s also lied about talking with a female coworker about s** (very late at night), and sharing a bed with someone he used to hook up with, to name a few. I feel so stupid.

Edit 2: Any advice for bringing this up? Part of me wants to confront him before I go. We had a really great (I thought) conversation last night where we decided to take this time apart to figure out what our marriage needs, and what each of us needs individually, so we can make things work. Apparently he needs her. The other half of me wants to wait until I know she’s there, and then ask him what’s up. I’m not really sure what to do, I’ve never been in this position before.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

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This sneaky friend invite is a small but telling moment in a marriage, where trust teeters on the edge of a simple omission. The wife’s unease stems from her husband’s selective storytelling, especially about a friend tied to past disagreements. Meanwhile, he might see it as no big deal—just a casual hangout.

The wife’s hurt is valid: secrecy, even if innocent, chips away at openness. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a renowned psychologist, notes, “Trust is built through consistent, honest communication, even about the small stuff” (Psychology Today). Here, the husband’s omission, paired with venting to his friend, signals a communication gap.

Zooming out, trust issues often tie to broader patterns. A 2020 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that transparency about social interactions boosts marital satisfaction (JMF). The husband’s history of hiding plans amplifies the wife’s concern, but the low-stakes nature of this hangout suggests room for repair.

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For solutions, confront calmly before leaving, framing it as a need for openness, not accusation. Suggest clear boundaries, like sharing plans involving friends. Revisit their recent marriage talk to reinforce shared goals. This approach mends trust while keeping the conversation constructive.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s weighing in with a mix of sass and sympathy, serving up advice that’s equal parts practical and playful. Here’s the community’s take on this marital mix-up:

[Reddit User] − Lol this guy...why the f**k is he taking an 18 year old girl to get high for the first time. Little weird...

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bigiron_H − Wake his ass up and have a confrontation. You cant let him lie to you like that. Even if he doesnt plan on cheating on you with her, this sets a dangerous standard. If you ever want to be told the truth again I would definitely be talking to him about it, BEFORE you leave.

[Reddit User] − Why is your husband 28 smoking weed and hanging out with an 18 year old lmaooo I can’t get past that. Throw the loser away. Edit: spelling

lushae − You either confront him now - which may not be the best idea as you don't know what's what. But you may not want to due to being emotional rn. So you could leave a note, or anything you'll be able to tell has been moved, under the duvet of the spare bedroom.

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When you come home and confront him he will say she slept in the spare bedroom and you'll be able to prove otherwise, or when she's there they will see the note and they will stew until you're back. The point isn't how you know she's coming over,

and honestly you don't even need to mention how you know. Simply that you do know. The problem is the communication and the lies and manipulation (and the gaslighting which is something it sounds like you've been struggling with for ages)

[Reddit User] − He's trying to f**k an 18 year old .....

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JulesAbner − Honestly, sounds like your husband is on the verge of cheating on you if he hasn’t already.. Confront him. He’s been caught.. Go on your trip and let him stew

IMA_COW_IRL − He's just having a sleepover with another woman while you're on your trip and decided not to tell you. sounds completely innocent and platonic doesn't it?. Confront and break up with him. At this point it doesn't matter that you were snooping.. Typo edit

Noononsense − Your relationship is very bizarre. It's not normal for your husband to have all these female 'friends'. Especially one that is 18 yr old. He's 10 yrs older. That's a big difference especially with her being so young and immature. You need to have a conversation about what acceptable boundaries you want in your relationship.

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Him lying to you about this weekend is a HUGE red flag. It is NOT normal for a husband to have a women friend sleep over when his wife is not home. Eventually what's going to happen is he's going to sleep with this women if he hasn't already. You play too close to the flame eventually you're gonna get burned.

evilsarah23 − Call him on the night she’s there and tell him you came home early and you’re almost home, did he want anything to eat on the way 😂 that would be funny to see

fwooby_pwow − Your husband is pushing 30 and having sleepovers with a teenage girl and teaching her how to smoke weed. He is a *f**king loser*. Wake his ass up and ask him again his plans this weekend. Tell him he has one chance to tell you the truth. Then tell him he had better find another place to live by the time you come back. Maybe his new friend's parents will let him sleep on their couch.

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These Redditors are fired up, but do their calls for confrontation or clever traps miss the mark, or are they spot-on for this couple’s dynamic?

This tale of a hidden hangout reminds us that even small secrets can stir big emotions in a marriage. Whether you’re Team Confront-Now or Team Wait-and-See, the wife’s dilemma is a universal one: how do you rebuild trust when communication falters? Have you ever faced a partner’s sneaky moment? Share your stories or advice below—what would you do in her shoes?

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