I [M24] made a word document with all the rules of valentines day, and now my GF [F23] is upset?

In a cozy apartment, a young man sits at his desk, typing furiously under the soft glow of a desk lamp, crafting a Word document that could save his Valentine’s Day. This isn’t a love letter—it’s a rulebook. For this 24-year-old, love comes with a checklist, thanks to his girlfriend’s tearful critiques of his romantic efforts. From flower colors to in-person proposals, her expectations feel like a maze with no map. His story, shared on Reddit, captures the exasperation of trying to decode unspoken rules in the name of love.

This tale resonates because it mirrors the universal struggle of wanting to make someone happy but stumbling over invisible hurdles. Readers sense his sincerity, his confusion, and perhaps a spark of familiarity. His journey through this romantic puzzle reveals the challenges of meeting unspoken expectations while striving to keep love alive. Let’s dive into his story and unravel the chaos of Valentine’s Day demands.

‘I [M24] made a word document with all the rules of valentines day, and now my GF [F23] is upset?’

Okay, so.. here's the issue. I've[M24] been with my GF[F23] for a year. We began our relationship on october 2022. When february 2023 came around, she told me that I had to ask her to be my valentine. I thought it was a bit odd, since we were already in a relationship, but I still asked her anyway another day by text.

Two days before valentines, she calls me crying because apparently I didn't ask her right. Apparently you have to do it in person or else it doesn't count. I didn't even know valentines day had rules so specific, but I stepped in to fix it anyway.

I visited her a day before valentine, brought her a small gift and asked her to be my valentine. All good. Now, a year later, february 2024, I remembered that I have to ask her to be my valentine. What I didn't remember is that it needed to be in person.

She was sad that I didn't remember, so I stepped in again and fixed it. Picked her from work and gave her a small gift, asking her in person. Valentines day rolls in, I buy her five yellow flowers that I thought looked pretty, a vibrator, and a book that she likes but couldn't get. Everything on the date seemed alright, she seemed happy.

A week later, this sunday, she told me that she needed to talk to me, so we planned to talk on monday night as soon as I came home from college. I called her and she was crying. She told me that I should've remembered how I had to asker her to be my valentine from last year.

how the flowers where the wrong color, how the flowers didn't even look like romantic flowers and just some flowers with a few leaves that I plucked from somewhere, how I should have given her a gift that she was actually waiting to recieve instead of a vibrator, etc.

At the end I just said that I will do better. To be honest, I didn't even know valentines day was so complicated, I didn't know there were so many specific rules and restrictions about what to do and what to gift. I have to ask her to be my valentine, but only if it's before valentines day and only if it's in person.

I have to give her flowers, but only if they are red and only if they look like a romantic flower arrangement. I have to give her a gift, but only if it's a gift that she had previously mentiontioned that she wanted such gift and only if it can be showed to her mom.

Man... what the f**k. I'm just trying to be a good boyfriend. Where does she get all of these specific rules and restrictions? Is this like a normal thing that women expect? where do they even learn all this?from rom cons and instagram reels? I'm not trying to be sexist, I just want to know where I can read the rules of this f**king game.

This might sound like I don't love her. I do love her and she makes super happy, I'm just tired of being told that I'm doing things the wrong way. I really thought that being romantic was about the intention, not the action within a list of parameters. So today I made a Word Document in which I wrote every detail that I remembered.

I know, kinda weird, but I really needed to have all of these valentines day rules written somewhere. I don't want her to call me crying again because I forgot to wear the appropiate shoes or because the flowers didn't have the correct number of petals.

I sent her the word document so she can verify that all the rules are written clearly, and she just got more upset because 'this doesn't feel right : ( '. I don't understand how to do better. Edit: Thank you all for your kind responses. I needed some outside perspectice because I didn't feel like it was fair to ask her to 'lower her standards', you know?

Also, I genuenly wasn't trying to be sexist, I too see some instagram reels where boyfriends go absolutely romantic with their partners and I wanted to know if women make real expectations out of those. Again, thank you for your kindness.

Edit2: Okay a lot of people are asking what did she do for me on V day. She gave me a small lego set as a gift, which I liked. But the rest of the day, I was the 'lead' on the V day date.

I took her to a park with little boats that you can ride and I took her to a restaurant. I never thought she had to do something too, she always says I have to be the one who plans stuff so she doesn't have to make 'stresful decisions' thinking about dates.

This couple’s Valentine’s Day drama highlights a disconnect in communication rather than a failure of romance. The boyfriend’s efforts—flowers, gifts, in-person gestures—collide with his girlfriend’s rigid, unspoken expectations. It’s a classic mismatch of love languages, where one partner craves specific actions while the other is left guessing.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, renowned for his work on couple dynamics, notes, “Successful relationships require partners to express needs clearly and respond with empathy”. The girlfriend’s tears point to unmet desires, but her silence on them leaves her partner scrambling. His Word document, though unconventional, reflects a genuine attempt to bridge that gap, even if it misses the mark.

This situation ties into a broader trend fueled by media like rom-coms and Instagram reels, which glorify specific, often extravagant gestures. A 2023 YouGov study found 68% of young adults feel pressure to deliver “perfect” romantic acts on Valentine’s Day, heightening relationship stress. For this couple, open dialogue is key. The girlfriend could share her preferences clearly, like suggesting red roses, while the boyfriend might propose planning the day together to align their visions.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community weighed in with a lively mix of empathy, humor, and blunt advice. Many felt the girlfriend’s “rules” were unfair, pointing out that Valentine’s Day lacks universal guidelines and her expectations seemed overly specific.

Others saw her behavior as immature, urging the boyfriend to seek clearer communication or reconsider the relationship’s dynamic. Some highlighted his thoughtful efforts, arguing he deserved appreciation rather than criticism. The consensus leaned toward encouraging mutual understanding over rigid demands.

throwawtphone − Woman here.. There are no rules, that is all her hot crazy mess.. Good luck with all that, you will need it.

BeltalowdaOPA22 − Is this the same girl that hid your relationship from her family for 10 months?. Why are you tolerating such insane behavior?

kaldaka16 − Woman here - even the most romantically inclined women I know don't do this level of 'rules' around Valentines.

Unusual-Reply7799 − She's 23 and acts like she's in middle school so I think that you need to run because middle school girls are some of the most dangerous creatures on Earth!

popzelda − This behavior is not okay. She is using covert contracts. That means she's setting you up to fail, whether consciously or unconsciously is irrelevant because the result is the same. Here's the response to that: 'I understand you think I can read your mind but I want you to understand that I cannot read your mind and I never will be able to.

If you want something, you need to use words and tell me what you want beforehand. It's not acceptable to get upset with me about something I didn't know. I am not a mind-reader, and neither are other human beings. Words are how to communicate things that are important.'

VegetableHorror9805 − There are no rules to Valentine’s Day. These are her rules. IMO, I think she’s too old to be acting this way. You made an effort, you’re not a mind reader.

Fonnmhar − Errr…. Is she ok? Genuinely. Is she actually ok?. This sounds like something a 14yr old girl might expect from her 14 yr old boyfriend. I’m a 36 yr old woman who has been in a happy relationship for 17yrs and we have never celebrated Valentine’s Day so maybe take this with a pinch of salt - she is going wayyyy overboard here.

Firstly, you are not psychic. How are you supposed to know all of these requirements that only she has if she hasn’t laid them out before?. Secondly, what does she do FOR YOU for Valentine’s Day if it’s such a big deal for her?

Thirdly, and I mean this with the greatest respect, why are you allowing this woman to treat you like a walkover? If she has expectations she needs to be clear. If you agree to them and need to write them down, do that. She needs to accept your terms too.. This whole thing is wild to me.

ThingsWithString − She has set you up so that you will always be in the wrong. Last year, you didn't ask her right. This year, you got her thoughtful presents, but magically they were the wrong presents.. She's going to keep doing this. It's a fun game for her. It is absolutely NOT 'a woman thing'.

If the relationship is in good shape, and you're not being given a gift that's obviously for the giver's benefit or for the household, you say 'Thank you, I love you so much.' I speak as a cis woman, married for 42 years. We're not much on holidays other than birthdays or Christmas, and I certainly don't have rules about either of them.

RNKKNR − Start dating an adult. Your gf isn't it.

Sorry_I_Guess − Oh honey, no. This has nothing to do with 'what women expect' (and yeah, it's sexist to jump to the assumption that this is some weird thing specific to women just because your GF happens to be one . . . none of this has anything to do with the rest of us).

This is just what your exceptionally insecure, deeply immature, and frankly exhausting-sounding girlfriend expects. There are no rules to Valentine's Day. It's meant to be a romantic little holiday, not a contracted job that you can get fired from for 'not following the rules'.

I don't know what's going on with your GF, but this has NOTHING to do with her being a woman, and everything to do with either how she was raised (unrealistic expectations taught to her by family or friends) or some sort of inner turmoil of her own.

Either way, there is nothing romantic or fun about her demands, and she doesn't even sound like they make HER happy, she's so stressfully specific about 'how things have to be done'.

Honestly? If I were you I would tell her point blank that SHE'S ruining the holiday with her rules and demands, taking all of the romanticism and spontaneity out of it, and turning it into a miserable chore.

Harsh, yes, but also the truth. She turned Valentine's Day into some sort of weird transactional set of routines and nothing about it is healthy or okay. You aren't doing anything wrong; she needs therapy.

This boyfriend’s tale is a quirky reminder that love thrives on communication, not checklists. His Word document, born of frustration, shows a heart willing to learn—but it’s a two-way street.

As he navigates his girlfriend’s expectations, we’re left reflecting on the balance between romantic effort and emotional labor. What would you do if your partner handed you a rulebook for love? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this Valentine’s Day saga together!

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