I’m (M33) thinking about calling off my wedding (which is 3 weeks from now) due to my fiancee’s (F30) comments about bringing my son to live with me.

Three weeks before his wedding, a man’s world tilts as his fiancée drops a bombshell: she doesn’t want his son to live with them. For years, he’s been clear—his boy, now 11, would move from Guyana to New York to start middle school. She met the kid, nodded along, but now admits she’s not ready to be a stepmom.

Her words sting, unraveling trust built over two and a half years. With a dream home and a new life on the horizon, he’s torn between love and fatherhood. Should he call off the wedding? Reddit’s rallying, and we’re unpacking this gut-wrenching dilemma.

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‘I’m (M33) thinking about calling off my wedding (which is 3 weeks from now) due to my fiancee’s (F30) comments about bringing my son to live with me.’

I lived in America up until I was 15, and then my mom sent me to live with my dad in Guyana. I was originally supposed to live there up until I was 18, but I ended up coming back to New York when I was 24. During my time in Guyana, I had a son with an ex-girlfriend. I moved back to NY when he was 2, and his mom and I decided it’d be best for him to stay with her in Guyana.

Better for him to know his culture and stay grounded. I have been back there many times to see him and he’s come to stay with me here as well. In the end, he was always supposed to come here to live with me.. ​ And this is where my fiancee comes in. We’ve been together for 2 ½ years and she has met my son.

I’ve always been very vocal about the fact that he’s going to come live with me, and this year is the year where he will permanently be moving here. He’s going to come in the summer, and then start his first year of middle school.. ​ I started to notice her not being on board with the whole idea last year when I was looking for houses.

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I was thinking about moving somewhere nearby in Jersey due to a better school system, but my fiancee disagreed. There have been other pretty minimal things here and there since, but she’s never outright said that he shouldn’t come here, but has said things that have heavily implied it.

However, each time I asked her to further explain, it would end with the fact that she wants him here.. Well, our wedding is literally 3 Saturdays from now and yesterday she explicitly said the words that she does not want him to move in with us. We started arguing about something else that was pretty minimal, but it escalated to a bigger discussion about our future.

That’s when she said that she prefers if he remains with his mom. Her main reasonings were that she didn’t want to fill a step-mom with no mom present, she’d feel so odd with having him around pretty early on in our marriage, and she just feels like we should wait until he’s older, or he “not come at all and just comes for vacations”.. ​

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From day 1, I have said that my son is going to live with me, even giving her a time frame. I always said that I want him here right before he starts middle school. I’ve said this for 2 ½ years. If she felt like this the whole time, then why not say something earlier. Why wait until only weeks before our wedding? I’m genuinely thinking about calling it off and I need advice on my options here.

This man’s fiancée blindsided him with a dealbreaker: rejecting his son’s move-in just weeks before their wedding. His clear plan—voiced for two and a half years—made her silence until now feel like a betrayal. Her reasoning, from avoiding the stepmom role to wanting a “later” timeline, shows she hoped he’d prioritize her over his child. That’s a red flag in any partnership.

Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham says, “Children thrive when parents prioritize their emotional security.” Blending families is tough—40% of step-parents report challenges, per family studies—but her outright refusal risks harming the son, who’s already facing a major move. Her timing suggests manipulation, banking on wedding pressure to sway him. That’s not partnership; it’s control.

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The broader issue is trust in relationships. Her delay in honesty undermines their foundation, especially since she’s met the boy and feigned support. Canceling the wedding, though painful, protects his son from a resentful home. He could pause the marriage, seek couples therapy to explore her fears, or end it if she’s immovable. A frank talk—“My son’s my priority; can you fully embrace him?”—is crucial.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s community didn’t mince words, urging this dad to put his son first with fierce support. Here’s their unfiltered take:

Aussiealterego − The whole time, she was hoping she could make you change your mind. She is not on board to be a stepmother. This IS worth calling off the wedding, you will have to choose between your fiancée and your son.

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murphy2345678 − It’s good that you found this out now before you got married. She will never treat your son the way she should. Please don’t let her be around him ever again.

Plus_Data_1099 − So the weddings is now off ??? she is using the wedding as a power move to get what she wants.

l3ex_G − Call off the wedding. Your son should be a nonnegotiable. Sounds like she’s been avoiding if not out right lying to you for a while. Do you want that in a partner. You honestly can’t trust if she is going to treat your son right.

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If you don’t want to fully break up at least pause getting married, get therapy, move the son in and re-evaluate the relationship. Maybe she’s getting jitters about being a step mom and parent but you need to figure that out. You can marry her not knowing or seeing it put into practice.

Embarrassed_Advice59 − Wow she sucks. Waited 2 years to say she didn’t want to be a step mom. What does she expect you to do? Not take in your son…she’s very wild for even suggesting that-selfish even. I’m sorry Op but yeah you should call off the wedding

lecorbeauamelasse − I always said that I want him here right before he starts middle school. I’ve said this for 2 ½ years. If she felt like this the whole time, then why not say something earlier. Why wait until only weeks before our wedding? Because she thought she'd have you locked down by then and would choose her over your son. Prove her wrong. Protect your kid and call off the wedding.

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bucktoothedhazelnut − Absolute deal breaker. Call it off.  I’m a stepmother… if you aren’t 100% committed to how difficult it is to being a stepmother and having the role of mediator between the father and kids (because sometimes an outsider view on a situation helps) while understanding you might not have any authority over the kids because they’re too old when you meet…

while also realizing that you’re 100% a parental figure, while also realizing the best you can hope for is a friendship with the kids… . All of this is tough to juggle. . If she isn’t on board from the start, do your son a favor and end it now.

He’s already going to be in a new country with new customs, living with a different parent that he is going to get to know and missing his mother and all that he’s known… . This woman isn’t the person to go through this with you. . It’s fantastic that she told you this now before you found yourself married to her. . Good luck 

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ConfusedAt63 − It appears that she thought she could change your mind and now that the wedding is near she has run out of time to convince you. You are not wrong to be upset with her about this. I do understand that the first year of marriage would be very different starting out with a new person in the relationship at the same time the marriage starts.

If you have been living with your fiancé then the change of having your son come live with you shouldn’t be such a big change, but if you have not been living together before marriage, it is understandable that she wouldn’t want a new marriage

and role of step mom all on the same day. It is wrong of her to wait until three weeks before the wedding to make her true feelings known. This might be the time to rethink marrying this woman. Two and a half years to keep her mouth shut is deceitful.

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barbarawho − Always choose your children.  If you marry her and then your son comes over he will completely pick up on that she doesn't want him there. Do not put this child through that. Kick her to the curb. Your son comes first. 

lizzyote − If she doesn't want to be a stepmom, she shouldn't be marrying a father. She waited until it was 'too late' to bring this up for a reason. This was always the plan. The whole goal was to make it too difficult for you to leave her in an attempt to get you to ditch your child entirely. 'When hes older' will never come. It's a shockingly common tactic, don't fall for it. Choose your kid every time.

These Reddit voices are loud and clear, but do they hit the mark? Is calling off the wedding the only path?

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This tale of a wedding on the brink shows that love must include loyalty to family. The man’s fiancée hid her true feelings, threatening his son’s place in their future. Reddit’s call to choose his kid resonates, but the choice cuts deep. So, readers, what’s your verdict? Would you cancel the wedding or try to salvage it? How do you handle conflicts between partners and kids? Drop your insights below and let’s keep the conversation going!

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