Im a 31 year old woman [31F] and I keep attracting guys who don’t find me physically attractive. It’s getting laughable at this point. How do I weed these guys out?
At 31, she’s polished her confidence like a well-worn gem, but the men she dates keep tossing it in the dirt. From a near-fiancé who called her an “alright” catch to a recent fling who praised his “beautiful” ex while downplaying looks, this Redditor’s love life feels like a comedy of errors—except the punchline stings. Each jab at her appearance drags her back to teenage struggles with eating disorders, threatening the self-esteem she’s fought to rebuild.
Her Reddit plea, raw and relatable, isn’t just about bad dates—it’s a cry to break a cycle of settling for partners who dim her shine. As she navigates a dating world skewed by superficial standards, she’s asking how to spot the ones who’ll see her as a goddess, not a consolation prize. The internet’s buzzing with advice, and it’s time to sift through the noise to find her path forward.
‘Im a 31 year old woman [31F] and I keep attracting guys who don’t find me physically attractive. It’s getting laughable at this point. How do I weed these guys out?’
Dating can feel like a funhouse mirror, distorting how we see ourselves, and for this woman, it’s reflecting a warped image. Men who imply she’s “not their type” physically—while sticking around—aren’t just clueless; they’re wielding subtle put-downs that erode her confidence. This pattern, as Redditors note, smells like negging, a tactic to keep her insecure and grateful for their attention.
Psychologist Dr. Terri Orbuch, in her book Finding Love Again, explains, “Partners who devalue your appearance often seek control, not connection.” A 2021 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (source) found that 65% of women in relationships with critical partners reported lower self-esteem, especially when comments targeted looks. Her exes’ behavior—comparing her to “hotter” women or dismissing her beauty—fits this mold, echoing your past concerns about partners who don’t respect boundaries.
To weed out these types, Dr. Orbuch suggests setting early boundaries: “If a date implies you’re less than stunning, call it out or walk away.” Therapy, as Redditors propose, can reinforce her self-worth, helping her spot red flags like backhanded compliments or lies about exes. She should seek men who celebrate her fully—enthusiastic compliments and consistent respect are non-negotiable.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
The Reddit crew swung in with a mix of tough love and sisterly support, ready to hype her up and roast the duds she’s dated. Here’s the juicy scoop from the crowd:
These Redditors laid it bare, urging her to raise her standards and ditch the negging losers. But do their spicy takes capture the full picture, or are they just cheering her on to the exit? One thing’s clear: her dating drama has the internet fired up.
This woman’s dating saga is a stark reminder that love should lift you up, not drag you back to old insecurities. At 31, she’s done battling self-doubt sparked by men who see her as “good enough” instead of gorgeous. Her journey to find partners who adore every inch of her starts with fiercely guarding her worth and ditching anyone who hints otherwise. As she rewrites her love story, she’s asking us to weigh in: how do you spot the ones who’ll cherish you, flaws and all? What would you do to break this cycle? Share your thoughts below!
