I want to leave my girlfriend, not her daughter.

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A late-night discovery of infidelity shattered a 39-year-old man’s six-year relationship, leaving him reeling not just from betrayal but from the thought of losing his bond with his girlfriend’s teenage daughter. The sting of her cheating, mocked behind his back, was sharp, yet his love for 14-year-old Olivia, a bright girl he’s guided like a father, weighed heavier.

As the main provider, he faced a dilemma: walk away from the woman who used him, but stay true to the girl who calls him friend. His drunken Reddit plea for advice evolved into a plan to part ways while ensuring Olivia’s education, a testament to love that outlasts a broken romance.

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‘I want to leave my girlfriend, not her daughter.’

I’ve (39m) been with my girlfriend (31f) for 6 years. The first 4 were good, the last two have been on a steady decline leading up to the discovery that she’s been cheating on me with her coworker for a year. Long story short, I suspected, snooped, found out. So it goes. The thing is I pay for everything.

I have a great job that affords me the ability to not care about the cost of anything. She quit her job to be a SAHM and I pay for her daughters private school, hobbies etc. It was honestly not a big deal until I found out she was cheating on me and ridiculing me behind my back. I’m done, it’s over. The problem is what to do about her daughter.

I’ve grown really close to her daughter (Olivia). She’s 14, she’s brilliant, and honestly we’re like best friends. We talk about everything, I guide her as best I can and she’s so f**king smart it’s almost ridiculous. I want to continue to support her financially but I know her mother would throw a s**t fit if she knew I wanted to pay for Olivia’s education etc and not for the perks that come from being rich.

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Her mother has grown complacent with a lifestyle she wont be able to afford when I leave. I fear she will try to use Olivia to manipulate me into funding her extravagant b**lshit. I don’t want Olivia to go through that. I do want to continue to give Olivia everything she needs to grow into the woman I know she can be.

I love her very much, and she astounds me with everything she does. I want to support that. My worry is that if I continue to support her, then her mother will try to extort me for additional funds for herself. She might even use Olivia as a barging chip. Sorry if this is a rambling mess, I’m kind of a mess right now. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m scared..

UPDATE: Basically I wanted to say to say thank you to everyone who responded. It got more attention than I thought it ever would and people have been so supportive and kind. After much thought I decided to appeal to my GFs better nature and have an honest conversation with her, it went surprisingly well.

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We agreed the relationship had run it’s course, she apologized for cheating on me and not ending it when she knew she should. It was about money...fine I knew it, I don’t have the energy to hold a grudge right now. We’ve agreed that it was a good idea for me to fund Olivia’s schooling. I’m happy to do it and my GF is ok with a clean break.

We had “the talk” with Olivia. Her mother and I both agreed that we keep things vague, the truth isn’t pretty and won’t do anyone any good. She was angry with me and that’s ok. I’m not going to be around anymore so she needs her mom and the idea of who her mom is more than she needs me.

That’s it. I hope Olivia and I can have a relationship sometime in the future, but for now I’m removing myself from the equation. Thanks again to everyone who gave me advice and support. It really meant the world to me to know that so many people really cared..

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EDIT: So ok wow, I didn't expect this response at all. Thank you to the majority of the people here. I've done my best to respond to the private messages etc.. There are a few things I want to address in terms of misconceptions/FAQs:

1. It's 100% my decision to pay for Olivia's schooling. I pay the school directly as I have always done and her mother doesn't control that. I'm looking at this as doing something for someone I love. Her mom might benefit from it, but she isn't any part of the reason I'm doing this.

2. I think the way we decided to tell Olivia about the break up was the right way. I've let her know that I'll always be around if she wants to see me, but things happen and it just didn't work between her mother and I. I disagree with people saying I should air the dirty laundry.

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It's between her mother and I and I want to keep it that way. Her dad died before she could know him, her mom has been the only parent she's ever known and i'm not willing to destroy their relationship for the sake of this truth. It's on her mom to improve herself in the future otherwise she'll just expose herself later on.

3. I'm doing alright. I meant it when I said that the response to these posts has been more than I could have ever imagined. I feel really blessed that a bunch of internet strangers take time out of their day to write me words of encouragement, support, send PMs etc.

I even had a lady offer to fly out to me, make me a steak and blow me. It was probably definitely 97% a catfish, but the ego boost was nice. Point being, I really appreciate you all, thank you..

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EDIT #2:. OK folks, I think I'm gonna take my bow now, it's time for me to leave and focus on the future. Again, I really appreciate all of you taking the time to write such motivational, heartfelt, inspiring things to a complete stranger.

What started as a drunken rant really turned into something special that has helped me immeasurably, I'll always be grateful for you all. Im bookmarking this so I can look at it when Im feeling down (mods please don't delete again...)

I wish the best for all of you. I might make an update in the future, but for now I'm done. I'm content in knowing I did right by myself and what I believe in. I have no regrets with how I handled things.. Goodbye for now, and thanks again!

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Ending a relationship marred by infidelity is tough, but this man’s commitment to his girlfriend’s daughter adds a layer of complexity. His choice to fund Olivia’s education despite the betrayal reflects a selfless love, though shielding her from the truth risks future resentment. The amicable split and direct payment plan show maturity, but the mother’s history of manipulation raises concerns about long-term dynamics.

Blended families often face such challenges, with 16% of U.S. children living in stepfamilies, per the U.S. Census Bureau. His fear of the mother using Olivia as leverage is valid, given her past reliance on his wealth. Direct payments to the school minimize this risk, a smart boundary.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Heitler notes, “In breakups involving stepchildren, maintaining support while setting clear boundaries is key to preserving trust”. Heitler’s insight supports his approach, though transparency with Olivia, adjusted for her age, might strengthen their bond. A trust fund could further secure her future, ensuring funds stay out of her mother’s reach.

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He could maintain contact with Olivia through occasional messages or outings, reinforcing his role as a mentor. Consulting a lawyer to formalize the financial arrangement would protect his intentions. This balance of support and distance honors his love for Olivia while safeguarding his peace, a model for navigating stepfamily breakups with grace.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users rallied around the man’s heartfelt dilemma, praising his dedication to Olivia despite her mother’s betrayal. Many admired his decision to fund her schooling directly, seeing it as a noble act of love, though some worried the mother’s influence could complicate things.

Others debated shielding Olivia from the truth, with opinions split between protecting her now and risking her trust later. The community’s support underscored his integrity and the emotional weight of his choice.

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HygorBohmHubner − It sucks that your ex was the unfaithful one, and now, her daughter is angry at you over the whole thing. I understand why, because both of you don't want her to see her mother as a cheater, but it doesn't make this situation any less unfair.

gettinglooseaf − I (23) started dating a woman (19) with a 6 month old daughter in 1999. We were together for 2 years until we broke it off when I had to move city for a job offer. The break up was devastating, not only because I was lonely in a new city, but also because her daughter had been a part of my life every day for 2 years.

I’ve always tried to remain friends with all of my exes, and can honestly say that has worked most of the time. I think there’s only 2 or 3 that ended so badly that one of us simply don’t wanna be near the other. So with this in mind, I decided that I wanted to remain as a father figure to her daughter, and asked the mother if that would be okay. She said of course.

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It was still extremely difficult for me for a long time living apart, but it grew easier with time. I would drive back to my hometown to see them (& my parents and other friends) at least once a month. And she would bring her to my town occasionally too, often leaving her with me for the weekend while she visited local friends.

Many years of birthdays and other moments throughout her life, including teaching her to swim in the ocean, walking her to and from school, teaching her to ride a bike, driving her to her first concert (Bieber),

taking her with me to her first metal & alternative music festival at 14, having “the talk”, her first break up, taught her to drive, high school graduation, her first legal drink, her first day of uni, paid for her first tattoo, and so many more.

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Unfortunately I missed out on her 16th birthday, but was there for her 18th & 21st birthdays. I also took her to Mexico with me for a month, where we both got matching travel tattoos in Spanish.

Her mother and i are still very close after all of these years. She’s included me in so many aspects of their lives, asking my opinions on parenting, coming to me for help with other issues. Not only is she one of my best friends, but I think of her like family.

My stepdaughter ended up moving to my city for university, and moved back in with me just over a year ago. In fact, I’m actually writing this on our balcony, and she’s not 4 meters away sitting at her desk in her bedroom working from home. And while we’ve always been close, the current social distancing measures here in Australia have brought us even closer together.

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I remember being worried at the time of staying in her life was the right choice for me, for her, and for her mother. But looking back over the last 21 years, I can tell you that it’s easily one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. That girl is my whole world.

So yeah..., I hope that my experience gives you ideas for how things could be. It’s not always easy, and it’s not always understood by others (“but... she’s not your kid? I don’t get it?”), but it’s all worth it in the end.. Good luck with it, man. I hope it works out for you too.. Edit: Thanks for the awards. I’m so glad people like my story.

Maleficent- − SET. UP. A. TRUST. It's not that expensive to do so, you can contribute to the trust, have it be exclusively for Olivia's schooling, and then the ex can't manipulate bupkis.

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wtfthecanuck − Do not give the woman money to pay for the schooling but pay it directly yourself. Do this for all funds you wish to spend on the little darling.. And if the child asks, tell the truth. Maybe not now but in a couple of years.. Edit - The girl will benefit from having an involved adult who is a truthteller.

[Reddit User] − You're a good person.

[Reddit User] − Sucks bro but you took it like a champ and you’re a stand up dude. You did what you could.. maybe once Olivia is an adult you guys can hang out more.

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[Reddit User] − Set up a trust fund for her, for educational purposes only, and for her only.

Bowsermama − She may be angry with you right now but please please please don't walk away as you are probably the only father figure she has ever know. As painful and hard as it may be, keep reaching out!

Send her texts, a treat in the mail, offer to take her to the movies, out to breakfast, practice driving in a few years. Please just be there for her and let her know that no matter what happened between you and her mother you still love her and want to be there in her life.

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SerbLing − You got manipulated till the very end. You end up paying for everything AND end up as the bad guy. Olivia is old enough to know the truth. This will only destroy her in the long run. She will hate her mother and she will dislike you. She needs and deserves to know the truth she aint 4 year old shes 14.

Smiley-Canadian − I think you and her Mom should have told her the truth. She deserves to know. It will do more damage to her when she finds out she’s been lied to for years.

It also seems weird that the Mom cheated on you, treated you awfully, and used you for money, and yet she still gets your money ongoing and makes you take the blame for everything. The Mom is very selfish and entitled.

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This man’s journey from betrayal to a bittersweet farewell highlights the strength of chosen family ties. His resolve to support Olivia, even as he steps back, speaks to a love deeper than romance. It’s a reminder that endings can still hold hope when guided by compassion. How would you balance love for a child with the pain of a partner’s betrayal? Share your thoughts below!

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