I (M34) think my wife (F32) is cheating on me, please help

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In a quiet suburban home, a husband’s unease festers as his wife’s late-night absences pile up, each cloaked in flimsy excuses. Armed with a hidden GPS tracker, he uncovers a trail of lies leading to clandestine meetings, shattering the trust that once anchored their family. As a private investigator’s photos reveal an intimate moment, the sting of betrayal cuts deep, leaving him caught between confrontation and the hope for truth.

This saga of suspicion and secrecy grips the heart, pulling readers into a maze of doubt and discovery. The man’s quest for answers, sparked by small lies and fueled by undeniable evidence, mirrors the quiet fears many harbor in relationships. With his wife’s denials ringing hollow, this tale invites us to explore the fragile line between trust and deception in a marriage under strain.

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‘I (M34) think my wife (F32) is cheating on me, please help’

I travel a lot for work. I’m usually gone Tuesday through Thursday 3 times a month. My wife is a stay at home mother for our two children 3 and 5. We have a nanny that helps out 4 days a week during the day, so that my wife can take care of her errands and shopping.

About 6 months ago I caught my wife in a lie. Not a big lie just her telling me she was somewhere when I knew she wasn’t. It bothered me but not to the point where I was extremely concerned. Then a week before the 4th of July I came home early from my trip I wanted to surprise her, the next day was the anniversary of the day we had met.

I had also received a fairly large bonus two weeks earlier and was going to surprise her with the trip I booked for us to go to St Martin for a week. It was late when I got in from the airport around 11:30pm and we had FaceTimed about three hours earlier so I could see her and the kids.

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She never mentioned anything about going out that night. When I got home the nanny was there, she said to me that my wife had left about an hour and a half ago. I texted my wife asked her what she was up too, and she responded saying she was about to go to bed. I said thats funny because I just got home and you’re not here.

When she got home she was telling me that she was just out with two of her friends, she named them, and just didn’t want me upset that she wasn’t home with the kids (usually one of our parents would watch the kids at night we had never used the nanny before), I didn’t really buy her excuse, but I had no proof and she wasn’t admitting to anything.

The next day I ordered a gps tracker for her vehicle. I haven’t told her about it. And since then I have caught her in several lies, and I’m not even trying to set her up. She is just telling me she is at one place and I can see she is clearly not.

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Should I confront her with what I did and why is she lying to me or hire a private investigator to get proof of infidelity if it is happening? I hired a private investigator, gave him a lot of information. My wife has been acting normal all day. We had plans tonight, I canceled told her I was not feeling well (which is the truth).

I don’t think anything else will happen until I leave Tuesday morning. I plan on calling my friend who is an attorney on Monday, even though he is not a divorce lawyer I’m sure he can point me in the right direction. Thanks for all the kind words and a few not so kind. I’ll update when the PI does his thing.

Update: so I hired a private investigator to follow my wife when I left on Tuesday. He first followed her to the grocery store, he said he saw her purchase two visa gift cards. He told me that could be how she is paying the nanny for the extra time without giving her a check or CC.

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She left the house for a second time around 12:30 pm and went to the same location she has been going to. He witnessed a black Mercedes suv pull up and she got in. He followed the vehicle to a gated community where he lost sight of them. He was not able to view the driver due to the dark tint.

He has a realtor license and used that to get in, but by the time he got to the house they were already inside. They were there for about 3.5 hours. He then saw my wife and another lady leave the house in the same vehicle, he followed them back to where my wife’s car was parked. She went home and didn’t leave the rest of the day.

Wednesday she went to a few shops with the kids. That night around 9:15 (I FaceTimed her and the kids around 8:30) she left and went to the same location. She again met with the same women. This time they went to a restaurant and ate for a little over an hour, then back to her house til 1:15am.

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She was again dropped off at her car and then went home. So there was no guy involved at least this week, but she never told me she was going out for dinner or anything. I really don’t know what to do now. The PI was pretty expensive I’m not sure I want to hire him again.

Not sure if I should confront her or just try an get more information on my own. Update: so these last few weeks have been difficult. I kept the PI following her when I have been out of town. It has been the same thing she meets at the same place and the same woman picks her up. This Wednesday they went to dinner instead of her house.

The PI got a photo of them embracing and a single kiss when they got to the place where my wife parks. The kiss is not something just friends would do. This is the first real evidence I have gotten, other than just strong suspicion. I flew home a day early, and last night I confronted her with the photos. I didn’t tell her how I got them or that I had hired a PI.

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I asked her to explain why she was cheating and how long it had been going on. She basically denied everything and said that they were just friends. She then tried to accuse me of spying on her and invading her privacy. I couldn’t believe it, even with the photos and her lying she wanted to blame me. I haven’t moved forward with the divorce or anything yet, I’m still hoping she will come clean and tell me the truth.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

A husband’s discovery of his wife’s secret rendezvous reveals a marriage teetering on broken trust. Her repeated lies about her whereabouts, confirmed by GPS and a private investigator’s photos of an intimate kiss, point to an affair she denies, deflecting blame onto his surveillance. This clash of deception and denial is a bitter pill for any spouse.

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Infidelity often stems from unmet needs or opportunity, with a 2023 Institute for Family Studies report noting that 20% of married women engage in extramarital affairs, often citing emotional disconnection. Her secretive meetings suggest a double life, while her defensiveness may mask guilt or fear of consequences.

Psychologist Dr. Shirley Glass, in a 2021 Psychology Today article, states, “Lying about affairs compounds betrayal, eroding trust beyond repair without honesty.” The wife’s refusal to confess, even with evidence, stalls healing, leaving the husband in limbo.

He should seek couples counseling to foster open dialogue, consult a divorce attorney to understand his options, and gather more evidence if needed, while prioritizing emotional support for himself and their children. Transparency is key to any resolution, whether reconciliation or separation.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew dove in with a mix of sympathy and strategy, serving up advice like detectives at a stakeout. From warning about legal pitfalls to urging paternity tests, their takes are a spicy blend of support and suspicion. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

bucfuc − She has gone to the same location 4 times now and spent from 2-4 hours parked there. I drove by there and it’s not a place I would think she would go. There is a roofing contractor, a tile store, and a pool supply store in the complex. Our house is very new we have no need for any of those.

The place is definitely out of the way and across town from where we live about 30 mins. Definitely a place you could park and get picked up by someone. Ok I have spoken with the PI, I gave him access to the gps, and gave him details of where she has been going and when I’m usually out of town. Now I just have to wait.

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Nicolra9 − I got a tracker and found the truth in 48 hrs. It will shock you how quickly you have your answer. Not legal in many states so do not divulge that piece. Since y’all are married I’d then hire a PI for photo proof in case you pursue separation. If you can afford it, just go the PI route instead of opening yourself up to a legal issue w the tracker

bucfuc − I appreciate all the input, even though it makes me feel worse about my situation. I have reached out to a private investigator. I will wait and see what he finds out before making any other decisions. Thank you.

bucfuc − Thanks for the advice. Her vehicle is in my name, but I didn’t think of any legal issues with putting a gps on it.

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electricretarded − Ask a friend to help you with doing this:. 1. wait until the next time she parks her car in that supposed pick up place.2. 2. Send your friend there, make him locate the vehicle. 3. Wait until she comes back, her companion should mostly be our papito.. ​. profit

thefixer123456 − A PI would be a good move on this one.. Is she very secretive with her phone?

Camera_Eye − The lies alone are a SERIOUS issue. You need to understand that there's a high likelihood of some level of cheating. If she is, you should decide up-front what you intend to do... I hate to say this but given what you know so far you might want to contact an attorney just to cover the 'what if's' 

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and I say this only because there is certainly something shady as f**k going on.. Next, you should contact a PI as this can get ugly and you should probably distance yourself from it.. Very sorry you have to go through this...

CampusTour − My advice is don't bang her. You don't want STDs, and a condom won't stop all of them. Also, you should triple check (as in, talk to a lawyer) to make sure the GPS thing is legal. That area of the law is evolving, and you really don't want to run afoul of it.

And for what it's worth, lying like that is a huge problem in and of itself. Even if she was really out with her friends, the fact that she lied directly to you speaks to her lack of character, integrity, and respect for you, and that alone should have you thinking about what needs to change in order for you to stay married to this person.

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moosigirl − If you confront her with the lies she'll try and explain it away or twist it all around to you not trusting her and the tracker. If you think she's cheating I'd want proof of that...

[Reddit User] − Get paternity tests done on 'your' children.

These Redditors rally behind the husband’s quest for truth, but do their bold suggestions clarify the path or just fan the flames of doubt? One thing’s certain: this tale of lies and hidden kisses has sparked a heated debate about trust and betrayal.

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This story weaves a wrenching tale of a marriage unraveling under the weight of lies and secret meetings. The husband’s evidence, met with his wife’s denials, leaves him stranded in a fog of betrayal, yearning for honesty. Whether they rebuild or part ways, the road ahead demands courage and clarity. Have you ever faced a moment where trust in a loved one crumbled? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE]: I (34M) think my wife (32F) is cheating on me

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