I know this is a redflag but.. how red? My (34f) husband (37m) knowingly did something that would cause my medical condition to flare up

Jonathan May 9, 2025May 9, 2025

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In a quiet home where showers should bring relief, a 34-year-old woman steps out feeling the familiar sting of itchiness—a sign her eczema is flaring. For years, she battled this condition, finally taming it by unplugging the water softener that aggravated her skin. But twice now, it’s been mysteriously turned on, and her husband’s shaky explanations leave her heart heavy with doubt. Did he knowingly risk her comfort for his preference, or is there another culprit?

This Reddit story simmers with tension, blending medical struggles with questions of trust and respect. As the woman wrestles with whether her husband’s actions signal a red flag or a misunderstanding, we’re drawn into a tale of boundaries and betrayal. Let’s unpack her plight, the Reddit community’s takes, and expert insights on navigating this prickly situation.

‘I know this is a redflag but.. how red? My (34f) husband (37m) knowingly did something that would cause my medical condition to flare up’

This woman’s ordeal underscores how seemingly small actions can erode trust in a marriage, especially when health is at stake. Her husband’s past “test” of her eczema and current denial of tampering with the water softener raise serious questions about respect and accountability.

Analyzing the Situation: The wife’s anger stems from her husband’s apparent disregard for her medical condition, confirmed by her experiments linking soft water to flare-ups. His initial admission of turning on the softener to “test” her—coupled with a joking dismissal—suggests a lack of empathy, while his current denial feels like gaslighting, especially given the low likelihood of others (like his father or a gas inspector) meddling. Her gut instinct, pegging a 75% chance he’s lying, reflects eroded trust, though their otherwise “mostly good” relationship complicates her judgment. He prioritizes his preference for soft water, while she seeks basic respect for her health.

Expert Insight: Psychologist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Trust is built when partners prioritize each other’s well-being over personal convenience” (Gottman Institute). Gottman’s perspective highlights the husband’s misstep: by prioritizing soft water, he undermines her health, intentional or not. His denial, if false, risks gaslighting, which Gottman identifies as a trust-killer. The wife’s clear boundary—divorce if it happens again—shows her resolve, but the incident’s severity depends on whether it’s a one-off or a pattern.

Advice and Solutions: A serious conversation, ideally with a couples therapist, is crucial to rebuild trust. She should calmly reiterate how his actions (or lies) harm her, using evidence like her note on the cord. Installing a motion camera, as a Reddit user suggested, could confirm the culprit without confrontation. She should also document flare-ups and check the softener regularly to establish patterns. Exploring his motivations—selfishness or skepticism about her condition—could clarify intent.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s crew rolled up with a mix of outrage and clever hacks, serving advice as sharp as a dermatologist’s scalpel. Here’s what they had to say, straight from the online trenches.

These takes cut deep, but do they fully capture the weight of this trust breach, or is there more to consider?

This wife’s story is a raw reminder that love should never itch like a flare-up—especially when trust is on the line. Her husband’s actions, whether careless or cruel, have left her questioning his respect for her health. Is this a red flag bright enough to warrant drastic steps, or a fixable fumble in an otherwise solid marriage? Readers, what would you do if your partner risked your well-being for their own comfort? Drop your thoughts below—let’s scratch the surface of this one together!