I (F24) think my husband (M30) is cheating on me/meeting up with somebody under the guise of getting me coffee.

In a sunlit apartment, the aroma of fresh coffee usually signals a cozy Sunday morning. But for one young wife, those coffee runs by her husband have brewed a storm of doubt. Each week, he slips out early, returning hours later with breakfast and a smile—but her gut churns with suspicion. Is he lingering too long at the coffee shop, or is something darker hiding behind his routine? Her paranoia spikes when he bristles at her joining him, leaving her torn between trust and fear.

This isn’t just about coffee; it’s a raw tale of love tested by uncertainty. As she grapples with accusing her husband or staying silent, Reddit users dive into the drama, offering hot takes and clever plans. Readers will feel her heart-pounding dilemma: confront him and risk the marriage, or ignore the nagging feeling that something’s off? Let’s spill the beans on this one.

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‘I (F24) think my husband (M30) is cheating on me/meeting up with somebody under the guise of getting me coffee.’

literally never posted on Reddit before, but I feel like I have no one to talk to. I don’t wanna accuse him without being 100% confident but I don’t want to tell anyone without asking him first. Please help. Basically, my husband and I have fallen into an accidental schedule on Sunday mornings.

Basically I like to sleep in lol and I will sleep until sometimes 10-11 am. My husband is a morning person and every week I feel like get up at 7 am, go on a run, I hear him return at 7:30 ish, get in the shower, do whatever he does for a few hours and then he goes to a local coffee place and gets us breakfast.

He wakes me up every Sunday at 11 with coffee and breakfast. It’s been going on for like over a year now. A few weeks ago though, I happened to wake around 9. My husband was literally already gone. I checked his location (he has mine too) and saw he was at the coffee shop.

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I figured he just went early. Expect he did not return until 11, like usual. When he got home I asked him if the shop was busy/ did he stay and do some work and he was just like no? not really. That was weird but I didn’t say anything more. Until the next week.

I heard my husband doing his routine and I stayed awake until I heard him leave, this time around 9:45. The coffee shop is 10 mins away. He didn’t come home until 11:10. I asked him again and this time, he did have his work laptop. He said he worked for like an hour.

I was so paranoid now that I asked to go with him this past Sunday. He said no, just stay in bed at first, he wasn’t nervous just more being thoughtful. When I was persistent, he got mad. I said idc I wanna come and he eventually groaned and said fine.

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On the way there he sent several texts with his phone turned away from me. Am I being crazy? Or does that sound like cheating to you? I don’t wanna accuse him, but I just cant shake that horrible gut feeling. How do I even approach this?

update So because of these comments, I waited two weeks and then asked my sister so spy on my husband (Ik how that sounds). She was down for it though. Also some context I should’ve added is that my husband and I live a big city where there is apartments above places, like this coffee place for instance.

Anyway my sis went and she said he definitely didn’t notice her, but he definitely wasn’t doing anything suspicious. She said he got coffee and sat down and was scrolling on his phone for a while. Then one of the baristas girls talked to him for a while but she said he seemed more annoyed than anything. He sat there for about an hour and then left. So yeah, that’s literally it. I think I was overreacting. Sorry for the underwhelming post!.

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This couple’s clash over housework and finances exposes the tricky balance of modern family roles. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that “fairness in household chores is a key predictor of marital satisfaction” (Family Psychology). Let’s unpack this.

The OP’s wife wants to be a SAHM, prioritizing time with their daughter. He agrees but expects her to take on all housework, citing his longer work hours. She sees this as sexist, feeling reduced to a housekeeper. Both have valid points: he’s shouldering financial stress, while she’s tackling childcare, which 24% of parents report as a full-time job’s equivalent (Pew Research Center). Yet, his all-or-nothing stance risks resentment.

This wife’s coffee-shop suspicions reveal the fragile dance of trust in marriage. Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted psychologist, wrote in Not “Just Friends” that “secrecy is the breeding ground for infidelity” (Psychology Today). Let’s break it down.

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The OP suspects her husband’s prolonged coffee runs mask cheating, fueled by his vague answers and defensiveness when she joins him. He claims it’s just routine, and her sister’s spying finds no foul play. Yet, her gut persists. Glass’s research shows 82% of infidelity begins with seemingly innocent interactions, often in public spaces like cafes. The husband’s texting and irritation could signal secrecy—or simply a need for solo time.

The broader issue? Trust erodes without open communication. Couples face this daily: 60% report suspicion of infidelity at some point (Journal of Marriage and Family). The OP’s fear reflects a universal struggle to balance intuition with evidence.  Dr. Glass suggests “transparent conversations” to rebuild trust. The OP should calmly share her feelings, focusing on specific behaviors, not accusations. He should clarify his routine openly. Checking phones covertly risks escalation, so mutual honesty is key.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit rolled up with a caffeine-fueled mix of sleuthing tips and reality checks for this wife’s suspicions. It’s like a detective show where everyone’s got a theory. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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efra75 − Let him go the next two weeks like he was, let the routine seem back to normal then, go spy on the 3rd Sunday, follow 10 minutes after he leaves, and see what's up.

lsnor45 − On the way there he sent several texts with his phone turned away from me.. You were crazy until I read this. That's strange.

GypsyWisp − No, you’re not being crazy! My ex-husband would always get up around 5 am, even on weekends cuz he couldn’t sleep later than that. On most weekends, he would do all of our errands early in the morning, and return about the time I was up and starting the day. Since I was asleep, I didn’t know what time he actually left the house.

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It sounds funny to say, but what really made me suspicious, was his willingness to do all of the grocery shopping and errands before I was even awake, considering that he did jack s**t around the house but make a mess and expect me to do everything.

I unpacked all the groceries one Saturday— cuz of course he bought them, so why would he help put them away? —and looked at the receipt for the time stamp, it said 7:30 am, but it was noon by then and he said he went nowhere else…

ladies (and gents) if you take anything away from this story.. take this..if your partner has unexplained missing time, and unexplained missing money..those will be the biggest clues that they are cheating. Because cheating takes time and money.

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[Reddit User] − Yeah sounds really odd. We get these gut feelings for a reason. Don’t go with him next time. Act normal the entire week. Pretend you’re sleeping. Let him go alone, then check his location and take an Uber to the coffee shop and stake out lol. Go through his phone and find the evidence for yourself. Or if you really trust him and don’t want to do all that, just ask him flat out.

Then-Fix9130 − As a married man myself, it could just be his time to get away from everything and everyone. I love my wife to death but sometimes I like to get away from the house and just be by myself. It could be all he's doing.

UsuallyWrite2 − Maybe he just enjoys his Sunday mornings alone? Time to do what he wants, maybe text or call friends, just have some time alone? I run errands on Sat when my partner takes a nap. I sometimes even park in a lot and talk to friends and have a coffee before or after going into the grocery.

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Once in awhile, he wants to go with me and I’d just rather he not. I want to have my time. And if I had planned to have some calls with friends because it’s our routine each week but he insisted on coming along, I’d want to reach out to them to tell them I’m not available. If you really think he’s cheating, don’t ask to go.

Let him go and then do a drive by covertly and get proof. But you’re in quite a situation here. If you really suspect he’s cheating then how is he doing it at a coffee shop since you have his location and know he’s there? Making an accusation like that could be a relationship ender. If my partner accused me, I’m not sure I’d get over it. And finding out he was stalking me would be any better.. Edit for typos.

LolaDeWinter − What you need to do is leave it a few weeks, then once he leaves, give him a while, (accidently leave your phone at home so no tracking) get ready, look pretty, and confidently walk in, not hiding, if he's sitting with an affair partner they will get flustered as you walk confidently up to them, kiss him, say....

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'Hi darling, lovely day isn't it, thought I'd join you today, get me a coffee will you sweetheart' turn smiling to AP, 'Hi I'm OP, his wife, nice to meet you, who are you?' IF he's not with an AP and he's just having some downtime, no harm, no foul, you can sit down and enjoy your breakfast together chatting.

PixieOnAcid − It could just be that he's using that time to relax and have some time for himself. It doesn't sound to me like he's cheating, but if you're really that concerned you could always wake up after he leaves and follow him. But keep in mind if he's really not doing anything bad you might cause some damage to your relationship.

Appropriate-Nerve-57 − If you’re really paranoid then have someone follow him and tell you what happened.🤷‍♀️

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not-my-turn − Some of his behavior does seem odd, but I would think that if he was having an affair that they would tend to meet up at the same time each Sunday morning just because people tend to be creatures of habit. Looks like he was there at or before 9 one Sunday and not until 10 the following Sunday.

If he knows that he can safely meet up at 9, it doesn't seem like he would want to limit their time together (assuming he is cheating) to an hour. Maybe instead of spying on him, just pop in when you see that he's there and assuming he's there alone say, something like 'I'm so glad I caught you here, I meant to get up in time to accompany you this morning.'. Although if he's with someone, that could get awkward.

These Redditors range from urging covert stakeouts to suggesting the husband just craves alone time. Some see red flags in his texting, while others think she’s brewing trouble where none exists. But do these spicy takes capture the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot? One thing’s certain: this coffee-shop mystery has tongues wagging.

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This tale of coffee runs and creeping doubts brews a potent question: when does a gut feeling warrant action? The wife’s fears, tempered by her sister’s findings, highlight the tightrope of trust in love. Reddit’s split on whether she’s paranoid or onto something, but the real fix lies in honest talk. Whether it’s a harmless routine or a hidden secret, communication is the only way to clear the air. What would you do if suspicion crept into your relationship? Drop your thoughts below!

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