I 43f regret telling my husband 44m our neighbor 33f could stay over while I’m gone.

The glow of a laptop screen lit up Sarah’s hotel room, miles from home, as news of a raging wildfire near her neighborhood flickered across it. Her husband, Tom, called with a practical idea: let their 33-year-old neighbor, Lisa, stay at their house after her street was evacuated. Sarah, 43, agreed without hesitation, picturing Lisa’s kids and pets safe in their familiar backyard. It felt like the neighborly thing to do, a small act of kindness in a crisis.

But as days passed, a knot tightened in Sarah’s chest. Lisa’s presence in her home, with Tom alone, stirred unease, especially given his past infidelity. Shared on Reddit, Sarah’s story unveils the tug-of-war between generosity and trust, where a good deed collides with the ghosts of old wounds, leaving her torn between compassion and doubt.

‘I 43f regret telling my husband 44m our neighbor 33f could stay over while I’m gone.’

I’m in a strange situation. I (43f) have been married to my husband (44m) for 11 years. Right now I’m on a two week long business trip. A few days ago a wild f ire broke out near our house. It grew huge and is still thousands of acres. We were not evacuated but our neighbor (33f) was.

Her house is on a different street, but our backyards join. My husband asked me if he could volunteer our house to have her stay over and I said yes. It made sense, she could stay close by to her house, our animals are friendly with each other, etc. She accepted the offer and she’s been staying at our house. 

But now I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with it. It made so much sense at first. Now I’m thinking about it more and more and it makes me feel strange having another woman at my house when I’m not. But I’ve already agreed to it.

By all accounts it seems like the situation is getting under control and this will no longer be necessary by the time the weekend is over. Do I talk to my husband and make him have an awkward conversation with her about how she needs to find different shelter for herself her pets and her kids? Or do I just deal with it for a few more days? 

Sarah’s regret over Lisa’s stay reveals a clash between her generous impulse and lingering trust issues. Her quick agreement to help a neighbor in a wildfire crisis shows compassion, but Tom’s past cheating fuels her unease about another woman in their home. Lisa, focused on her kids and pets, likely sees the stay as a lifeline, not a threat, yet Sarah’s doubts persist.

This reflects a broader issue: rebuilding trust after infidelity. A 2023 study by the Institute for Family Studies found that 68% of couples struggle with trust years after cheating . Sarah’s initial trust in Tom suggests progress, but her anxiety signals unresolved wounds.

Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted infidelity expert, wrote, “Trust is rebuilt through consistent transparency and empathy”. Sarah could call Tom to share her feelings calmly, asking for reassurance like daily updates. Waiting a few days, as the crisis may end, avoids disrupting Lisa’s family. Therapy could help Sarah address her fears, ensuring trust, not fear, guides her marriage.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s take on Sarah’s dilemma brims with empathy and practical advice. Commenters praise her kindness but urge her to prioritize compassion, noting Lisa’s dire situation with kids and pets.

Many point to Tom’s past cheating as the root of her unease, suggesting therapy to heal old wounds. Others warn against abruptly ending the arrangement, as it could strain neighborly ties. The crowd sees Sarah’s trust in Tom as a positive sign but encourages open talks to ease her fears.

frauleinsteve − I vote for letting it go for another couple days. You offered shelter to someone who needed it. You either trust your husband or don't. Have a talk with your husband when you get back about your fears.

MelbsGal − Having read through the comments, I know that there’s a history of cheating but you immediately said yes initially without any hesitation. You must trust him now, right? It didn’t pop straight into your head that he would cheat again. That’s a good sign.. Are you friendly with this woman?

Kicking her out now may ruin your relationship with her. I mean….if he was attracted to her, surely he could have been getting it on with her before this anyway. They could have been having s** at her house all along.

Takeabreak128 − You are aiding a woman, her kids and her animals during a crisis. Reign yourself in if you can. Your husband is the cause of your anxiety, which you will have to address by seeking a therapist or dumping him, because you clearly aren’t over the cheating. Believe me, this neighbor is not partying at your house she’s worried about literally losing everything. Don’t add to her misery right now.

moderatelymeticulous − Is there any history here or are you paranoid?

DullQuestion666 − I think you need to make sure that she has a safe place to stay when she leaves this weekend. You and your husband invited her into your home. It sounds like your husband thought it up, and you agreed, before inviting her in. Kicking her out now, without reason, especially if she and her children will be gone in a few days, is just a fucked up move - and will ruin your relationship with your neighbor. 

mimic-man77 − You don't have to trust her. You have to trust your husband.. If you don't trust him what did he do for this to happen?. What I'm getting at is that if he's going to cheat he's likely already cheating or has already cheated. If he has cheated and you're still not over it, you may need to see someone for that. You also shouldn't have let her stay over.

You were the one who ok'd her to stay over, then you need to be the one who tells her to go. Making your husband be the 'bad guy' isn't fair. **I understand why you're not comfortable if he did something wrong.

I just don't understand why you said yes,** unless your husband was pushy about it. In that case he should be the one to tell her to get leave. He should have respected you not wanting her to stay over.

Scared_Connection695 − You are a complete savage if you kick the woman out.

LoudMouthVet − Since you only have a few more days to go at the most, I would just deal with it especially since you kindly offered your home. This woman has children and pets and she is most likely very grateful to you and your husband for your kindness.

You’re right as both your houses are in close proximity to each other, the living situation is ideal. I’m sure this woman is very anxious to get back into her home and get their lives back to normal and on track again after this traumatic experience.

I would hope that you would choose to continue your kind offer rather than take it back due to what seems to be unfounded suspicions. There are many times in my life where I don’t know what I would have done if it were not for the kindness of others.

Advice2Anyone − If they were going to do something it would happen regardless her house isn't that far a walk

BurdyBurdyBurdy − I’m sure it will be ok. Be a kind neighbour and help her out. She may return the favour for you one day.

Sarah’s story is a heartfelt tangle of kindness and doubt, where a neighborly gesture unearths buried fears. Her willingness to help Lisa shines, but Tom’s past betrayal casts a shadow, making trust a fragile thread.

With the wildfire crisis nearing its end, her choice to wait or speak up hinges on balancing compassion with self-assurance. Have you faced a moment where trust clashed with kindness? Share your experiences below—how did you navigate the tension or find peace? Let’s keep the conversation rolling!

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