I (37f) received a text from husbands (36m) work colleague- he’s cheating?

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In a quiet suburban home, where the hum of recovery should bring peace, a 37-year-old woman stared at her phone, her heart sinking. An anonymous text pierced her fragile world, accusing her husband of 11 years of cheating with a coworker named Claire. After a year of battling leukemia, enduring chemotherapy, and clinging to hope, this betrayal felt like a cruel twist of fate. Her husband, her rock through hospital stays and sleepless nights, now stood in the shadow of doubt.

The sting of past infidelity, buried after counseling and tears, resurfaced with a vengeance. She’s not just fighting for her health but for clarity in a marriage tested by lies. Readers feel her exhaustion, her fear of facing this alone while prioritizing her children. Can trust be rebuilt, or is this the final crack in a fragile foundation? Her story unfolds with raw emotion, pulling us into her impossible choice.

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‘I (37f) received a text from husbands (36m) work colleague- he’s cheating?’

A year ago this week I (37f) was diagnosed with leukaemia. It’s been a really horrible year for all of us. I’ve had a gruelling chemo regiment and spent many months in hospital very poorly in protective isolation. I got sepsis and it’s just been very scary. I’ve been home for 5 months in remission and recovering. I have been so so grateful for my husband of 11 years (36m).

He has looked after our children, home and animals so well in my absence. Tonight I received a text message from an unknown number telling me my husband is sleeping with a woman he works with called Claire. From the nick name used in the message I know it is someone who knows him at work as that is the only place he goes by this name.

A few months ago I was very paranoid about his relationship with Claire as the way he was talking about her was odd. It was so similar to how he spoke when he was cheating 2 years into our marriage. I asked him. He said absolutely nothing was happening and we moved on.

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After receiving the message and asking him about it tonight he has admitted that he has been flirting over messages and in person with Claire but realised he was crossing a line and put a stop to it “about a month ago”. I am recovering, I have to prioritise my children and I don’t think I can do it on my own. It would be difficult but I know if I was well I could be alone just fine.

But I’m poorly/recovering and I just don’t think I can do it. I’m so tired. For context he cheated on me 2 years into our relationship- he left me for a few months and continued a relationship with a girl he worked with called Katie. He kept it hidden from me even after he left. When I found out and he knew it he begged for me to take him back.

We went to marriage counselling and it’s not been easy but we have, or so I thought worked through it. I am heart broken and do not know what to do. I know I absolutely do not deserve this. I fear this is just the person he is, I didn’t choose a loyal one. I guess sometimes good people do bad things but how do you react? What do I do?.

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UPDATE. Thank you for all the kind comments!! Well it’s been a horrid few days of processing and trying to get some idea of what has been going on. My husband admitted that he was not honest. It didn’t end a “month or so” ago. It ended the very night I received the anonymous text message.

My husband is absolutely adamant that it wouldn’t have gone anywhere it was “harmless”. I pointed out that if it was harmless and not an issue he wouldn’t have worked so hard at hiding it from me. He has cried and begged for me to not leave him. I’m not able to process this at the moment. I’m just so sad and tired.

Discovering a partner’s infidelity during a health crisis is like pouring salt on an open wound. This woman’s story highlights the devastating intersection of personal betrayal and physical recovery. Her husband’s flirtation with Claire, echoing a past affair, raises questions about trust and loyalty. While he insists it was “harmless,” his secrecy suggests otherwise, leaving her to navigate heartbreak while prioritizing her remission.

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Infidelity often stems from emotional disconnect, but context matters. Dr. Shirley Glass, a renowned psychologist, noted in Not Just Friends, “Secrecy is the key ingredient that turns a platonic friendship into an emotional affair” (source: Psychology Today). Here, the husband’s hidden texts betray a breach of boundaries, undermining the marriage’s foundation, especially during his wife’s vulnerability.

This situation reflects a broader issue: 20% of marriages face infidelity, with men more likely to engage in workplace flirtations (source: Institute for Family Studies). The wife’s hesitation to leave stems from her health and dependency, a common dilemma for those in recovery. Her focus on her children and healing is pragmatic but emotionally taxing.

Advice: She should seek individual counseling to process her grief and rebuild self-worth. Couples therapy, as suggested by Dr. Glass, could help if her husband commits to transparency. For now, leaning on family or friends for support can ease her burden.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s hot takes are as candid as a late-night chat with friends—brimming with empathy and a dash of spice. Here’s what the community had to say:

Bleacherblonde − I would focus on your health and your kids, and deal with this when you’re better. It’s awful, and you don’t deserve a cheating ahole for a husband- but there’s no shame in dealing with it later. I’m so sorry.

throwRAchocolateXxxx − He’s an a**hole and you deserve better. He may be a good father but he’s not a loyal man and he absolutely does not respect you. the fact that you stayed with him even after he left to date another woman behind your back is bananas. lawyer up, your kids and your health are your priority, not some man child who can’t control himself. is there any family close by you can stay with for a while? You need to get out of this negative environment.

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Quiet_Plenty_8328 − Life is giving you a second chance… are you sure you want to waste your life on this man????

SnooWords4839 − Finish healing and get your ducks in a row!

SwimmingChef-1 − Good fathers don’t cheat. Good fathers set an exemplary example for their children. They are loyal, supportive, caring, and a faithful husband.. As others have said, life is giving you a second chance please make the most of it.

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YellowLantana − Your husband has porous boundaries. He should have been in individual counseling the last time, if he doesn't get a better on maintaining emotional boundaries, it will happen again. Get him a copy of *Not Just Friends* and ask him what he's going to do about his inability to be exclusive. Tell him that you aren't as strong as you were the first time around and you are not going to go through the charade of 'marriage' counseling. It's on him to fix what he is or get out.

pickensgirl − Is being in this situation more stressful than managing all the logistics of leaving? If it’s not just be still for a bit longer and heal. You don’t have to do anything right this second. However, if staying there is an impediment to healing, by all means, go. There’s no right or wrong decision here. Choose the thing that best fits your current health needs.

That is the most important factor on the table at the moment. If you feel up to it respond to the person and ask how far he’s went in his cheating with Claire. Compare their story to his story. For that matter, contact Claire. Get her version as well. If you’re going to get a divorce then it might be good to know the full facts. 

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emccm − When you stay with a cheater you tell them you are ok with being cheated on. Find an attorney and get a divorce. He’ll still be able to look after the kids and you’ll have a massive source of stress lifted.. Please check out the Chump Lady website.

ScaryButterscotch474 − OP let it go for now. Pretend that you buy his story. You don’t think that you are in a position yet to look after yourself so don’t cause unnecessary drama. Deal with it when you feel better. Call it postponing the drama.

Frishan5 − He is not a good husband. You are suffering and in recovery/remission and the entire time he’s been cheating. You are obviously in a tough situation right now. Do you have family you can stay with? I feel that he just keeps on cheating without any consequence.

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These opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full weight of her reality? Some urge her to leave, others to wait—each voice reflecting a slice of truth.

This woman’s story is a gut-punch, blending courage with heartbreak. Facing betrayal while recovering from leukemia, she’s caught between her health, her kids, and a marriage on shaky ground. Her husband’s tears and pleas can’t erase the sting of his lies, leaving her to wonder if love can survive repeated cracks. What would you do in her shoes—stay and rebuild or walk away for peace? Share your thoughts and experiences below; let’s keep this conversation going.

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