I (36F) found out that my husband (38M) has a Camilla (42F)?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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A 36-year-old woman’s world tilts when she stumbles upon her husband’s lingering ties to his ex-girlfriend, revealed through a teenage boy’s likes on his social media posts. Her unease peaks when he compares his ex to Camilla and her to Diana, hinting she’s the family-approved choice, not his heart’s desire.

This Reddit post lays bare her shattered trust, as she grapples with feeling like a placeholder in their two-year marriage.

‘I (36F) found out that my husband (38M) has a Camilla (42F)?’

I've been married to my husband for two years now. It's a first marriage for both of us. His family has been very good to me, they immediately accepted me, welcomed me in, started including me in family events, really made it not even a second thought to say yes when he proposed after a year of us being together.

I noticed on social media that there are always likes from a teenage boy on posts that he puts up about me. I thought it was a bit weird that he's friends with a teenager, so I looked through the photos I could see on his profile.

There are a few with my husband from about 8-10 years ago as well as another woman. When I asked my husband, he said that the boy is his ex-girlfriend's son. He explained that they were very serious but that she had ended up getting married to someone else.

This seemed odd to me, so I asked my MIL about her the next time I saw her. My MIL rolled her eyes and said, 'Don't even mention Val. I am so glad that you came along, because that girl was so bad for him. She was unemployed, a single mother, and just very trashy. We never would have accepted her.'

I am very successful career wise and well established, my family is very prominent in the community and well regarded. The more I thought about it, the more it really felt like my background had more to do with things than anything.

I asked my husband about Val again and asked if he would have married her if not for his family. He said that one of the biggest reasons she chose someone else was because his family refused to accept her. When I asked what was different about me, he responded, 'She was Camilla and you're Diana.'

I asked him if that meant he would marry her if anything happened to me. He shook his head, laughed, and said I was being ridiculous and that he didn't think like that. I told him I wanted him to remove and block his ex and her son from his social media immediately and to stop communicating with them.

He's told me that he has a cordial relationship with both of them and that he doesn't feel it's fair of me to ask him to cut them out. Is there a good way for me to deal with this knowledge? I'm losing sleep over the fact that I feel like a placeholder that is there to please his family and that he'll go back to her once his parents are gone.

I'm starting to doubt every interaction I ever had with him. When I bring it up to him, he gets upset and tells me to stop dwelling on his past. I wish that I'd never known this because I feel like all of my happiness has been drained.. Is there a good way to approach this?

Discovering a spouse’s unresolved feelings for an ex can unravel even the strongest marriage. For this woman, her husband’s “Camilla and Diana” analogy—evoking a famously loveless royal marriage—cuts deep, suggesting she’s a pragmatic choice, not his true love. His refusal to cut contact with his ex and her son further fuels her insecurity.

Marriage counselor Dr. John Gottman notes, “Trust is fragile and requires intentional repair when broken. Dismissive responses to a partner’s concerns can deepen emotional wounds”. The husband’s laughter and refusal to address her fears dismiss her valid concerns, risking a trust deficit. His cordial ties with his ex may be innocent, but the analogy and lack of reassurance amplify doubts.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating past relationships in marriage. A 2023 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 38% of couples face tension over ex-partner contact, often due to unclear boundaries. The wife’s demand to block the ex stems from fear of being second-best.

To rebuild trust, the couple needs open dialogue and possibly counseling. The husband should validate her feelings and clarify boundaries with his ex. The wife can express her need for reassurance, focusing on their shared future rather than his past. Transparency and empathy can mend the rift.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit community erupted over the husband’s “Camilla and Diana” analogy, with many slamming it as a cruel admission that his wife is a family-approved placeholder. Commenters urged her to reconsider the marriage, arguing that his refusal to cut contact with his ex and dismissive attitude reveal deeper issues.

Some suggested counseling to salvage trust, while others saw the analogy as a dealbreaker, reflecting a lack of true commitment. These reactions underscore the consensus that the husband’s words struck a devastating blow.

PandaEnthusiast89 − Considering Charles cheated on Diana with Camilla that was quite possibly the worst analogy he could've made 

[Reddit User] − Charles was in love with Camilla all through his marriage to Diana, cheated on Di with Camilla and Camilla is now the queen of bloody England. Bad analogy! Very bad!

Much-Vanilla-7261 − I thought you have been too sensitive until I read this:. When I asked what was different about me, he responded, 'She was Camilla and you're Diana.' Sorry, but is there something wrong with your husband? Like *actually* atypical about him?

Because I can’t accept that a sane man would call his ex Camilla and his wife Diana ☠️☠️☠️ like bruh, we all know how this story ended. said I was being ridiculous and that he didn't think like that.. He thinks you’re being ridiculous?

After *he* called YOU Diana in his life?. Is there a good way for me to deal with this knowledge? I can’t wrap my head around this comment loool. WHAT? Deal with what knowledge exactly?

That not only was this a close gf that didn’t work out (which would be understandable, we all have exes, doesn’t mean you’re a placeholder) but then he called you Diana knowing how her husband constantly pined over the other woman, cheated on her

And Diana was just about the unhappiest person from the looks of it? Not to get down to celebrity gossip but yh atleast they the public perception of it - and he thinks it’s you. If I were you I’d get an annulment if I could. You’ve been married what a year now? One year is still better than 20 years and 2 children

Remarkable_Sea_1062 − I couldn’t be married to someone who told me that. He basically told you that he wanted to be with her, but you’re acceptable to his family.

Kinonan_B − He actually said she is the love of my life, you are the one my family decided for me.. I would never accept that! I would never stay.

CapableAnteater351 − You are the placeholder. He told you everything you need to know, which is you are the second choice. The question is, can you live with it??

Careless_Welder_4048 − Girl you know the answer to that already, you feel it in your soul.

Emotional_Wedge − Tell him unless he gets rid of Camilla you aren’t going to be his Diana very much longer. Then his family will have some thing even bigger to harass him about.

One-Possibility1178 − Purely based on him making the Camilla reference that would be the end for me. Demanding that he unfriend and block them solves nothing. They still exist, he still said what he said and feels how he feels. The ball is now in your court. Are you willing to stay in a relationship with someone who is not all in with you?

Are you willing to stay with someone who has verbalized that he is with you because of obligation not romantic love? What do you want for yourself? If he can’t give you what you need and want and you’re not willing to settle you know what to do.

Knittingfairy09113 − Tell him that his analogy made things 1000x worse as Diana was obviously nothing to Charles but someone his family would accept, but who he personally didn't care about.

As a result of said atrocious analogy, you have lost a lot of faith in the strength of your relationship and if he wants this marriage to work he will at least remove them from his socials for now and attend marriage counseling with you.

This heart-wrenching tale reveals how a single analogy can shatter marital trust. The wife’s fear of being a “Diana” to her husband’s “Camilla” casts a shadow over their love, but honest communication and professional support could light the way forward.

Have you ever faced a moment that made you question your relationship’s foundation? Share your experiences—let’s keep the conversation going!

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