I (34F) am the sole ride home for a coworker (55M) and I need to stop. How do I tell him?

Shirley Stafford May 9, 2025

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In a quiet office park, where the hum of late-night shifts fades into the night, a 34-year-old woman faces an unexpected burden. For two months, she’s been the sole ride home for her 55-year-old coworker, a favor that’s stretched far beyond its welcome. What began as a kind gesture now feels like a trap, her commute hijacked by his endless delays and family excuses.

This isn’t just about a carpool gone wrong; it’s a tale of boundaries tested and kindness stretched thin. Her frustration, simmering as she drives miles out of her way, echoes a universal struggle: how to reclaim your time without burning bridges, especially when workplace dynamics and personal guilt blur the lines.

‘I (34F) am the sole ride home for a coworker (55M) and I need to stop. How do I tell him?’

Offering a coworker a ride home can spark camaraderie, but when it becomes a long-term obligation, it breeds resentment. This woman’s two-month stint as her coworker’s chauffeur, meant to be temporary, has ballooned due to his stalled efforts to renew his license and fix his car. His gratitude doesn’t ease the strain on her time and patience, leaving her stuck.

The coworker’s delays, tied to family demands like funding his mother’s horses, highlight a lack of urgency. A 2022 study in Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that 40% of employees feel pressured to overextend personal favors at work, risking burnout. Her situation reflects this, as her kindness is exploited by his inaction.

Dr. Amy Gallo, a workplace dynamics expert, notes, “Setting boundaries at work requires clear communication and firmness, even when guilt creeps in”. This suggests the woman must prioritize her needs, delivering a direct but polite message to avoid further overreach.

To resolve this, she should give a firm one-week notice, stating she can no longer drive him after a set date, citing personal constraints. If he pushes back, repeating her stance without explanation prevents negotiation. Exploring workplace resources, like carpool programs, or suggesting rideshare apps could ease his transition, preserving civility while reclaiming her freedom.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit users rallied with practical advice, urging the woman to set a clear deadline for her coworker to find alternative transportation. Most recommend a one-to-two-week notice, emphasizing that his adult responsibility shouldn’t fall on her shoulders, especially after two months of generosity. They stress staying firm, warning that his delays suggest a lack of priority, potentially exploiting her kindness.

The community also highlights the importance of avoiding over-explanation, which could invite pushback or guilt-tripping. Some humorously question his reliance on family or suggest rideshare options, while others caution against letting workplace dynamics pressure her into continuing. These insights underline the need for boundaries and accountability in professional relationships.

This tale of a favor gone awry reveals how quickly kindness can become a burden without clear boundaries. The woman’s struggle to end her coworker’s reliance on her rides underscores the challenge of balancing empathy with self-care in the workplace. It’s a reminder that saying “no” is sometimes the kindest act of all. Readers, have you ever been trapped by a well-meaning favor? Share your experiences below.