I (30f) have pneumonia and my fiance (28m) is refusing to help.

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In a haze of fever and fear, a 30-year-old mother with pneumonia stumbles through motherhood alone, her fiancé refusing to pick up her kids or grab groceries, cursing at her pleas. Her young children offer crackers and water, but her strength wanes, and his hostility deepens her isolation. Now, she’s questioning their engagement, vowing to leave once she recovers.

This isn’t just about illness; it’s a stark revelation of neglect and broken trust. Readers will feel her desperation, cheering her resolve to break free while wondering how to navigate love when a partner fails at the worst moment.

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‘I (30f) have pneumonia and my fiance (28m) is refusing to help.’

We've been together for four years. I'd like to start off by saying that this is embarrassing. It's embarrassing that I can't feed myself. The most I can do is stumble to the bathroom. I feel so useless. My kids are helping me with bare necessities, like water or crackers. But that's about as much as they can do, as they're little.

Yesterday I had to pick up my kids, drive to the doctor, and pick up my prescriptions. By the time I got back I was shaking and almost didn't make it up the stairs. I had asked my fiance to at least pick up my kids. He responded 'I'm not picking up your f**king kids!'

I asked him to pick me something up from the store again, and I was met with the same response. Maybe I'm being emotional. I don't know. I've never been this sick in my life. It's actually quite terrifying not being able to breathe. I just wish he would be a little more understanding, instead he just sighs, scoffs, and cusses at me.

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And on top of everything, I'm getting kind of scared that I'm going to waste away into nothing because I don't have the energy to get out of bed for more than a minute. TLDR - Fiance is refusing to help me with even basic care when I'm sick with pneumonia. I don't know what to do. Or even if I have a right to be upset.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your comments. I just want to let you know that I am not going to marry this man! I do, however, have to get a bit healthier before I kick his ass to the curb.

This woman’s harrowing experience with pneumonia, coupled with her fiancé’s refusal to help and hostile outbursts, exposes a profound betrayal. His dismissal of her basic needs—cursing about “her f**king kids”—not only endangers her health but models toxic behavior for her children. Her resolve to end the engagement, despite her weakened state, signals strength, but her embarrassment and fear reflect the emotional toll of neglect.

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This situation underscores a broader issue: unsupportive partners in times of crisis often signal deeper relational flaws. A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that lack of partner support during illness triples stress and erodes relationship trust. His behavior, far from a one-off, suggests a pattern of disregard, as Redditors noted, especially if he’s typically dismissive, a question her past experiences with family dynamics might clarify.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, emphasizes, “Partnership demands care in vulnerability; refusal to show up breaks the bond.” She’s right to plan an exit but should prioritize recovery first. Enlisting trusted friends or family, as suggested online, to deliver meals or care for her kids can ease the burden. A call to her doctor for home care options, like telehealth check-ins, could ensure her health stabilizes.

Once stronger, she should consult a lawyer to secure her and her children’s financial and legal protections before confronting her fiancé. Therapy can help process her embarrassment and fear, building confidence for single parenthood, a path others in similar crises have navigated with support networks.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit erupted with outrage and support—here’s the community’s take:

Eaglepoint123 − Call up parents/girlfriends and pawn your kids off for two days to recover. Ask them to pick up a couple of quarts of chicken noodle or won ton soup at the local Chinese place (if you add some hot mustard it will help with the congestion).

Do nothing but rest for the next two days. When you are recovered, end this useless relationship. Frankly, I wouldn't even talk to him anymore. Get a help chain going that doesn't include him and then get rid of his selfish ass.

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jolie178923-15423435 − I had asked my fiance to at least pick up my kids. He responded 'I'm not picking up your f**king kids!' Why in the name of *god* is this a**hole still bearing the title of 'fiance'? Is this how he speaks to you normally? Why do you put up with that? Why do you put up with letting your kids see someone treat you like this?

Floweringpooops − DON'T MARRY THIS MAN - YOU WILL REGRET IT

ChopsNZ − Christ even my flatmates and I take better care of each other for much less than serious illnesses than this. Hot lemon drinks, chicken noodle soup and a comfy blanket in front of the tv is what you need. The subs rules prevent me from saying what your ex needs.

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easy916 − My back went out and I couldn’t move. My bf of 2 years cared for me and my 3 kids as well as his own kid. He took me to er and went to the pharmacy and got my meds, set them up for me at my bedside with a water bottle, he called out for pizza and fed the kids, did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. That’s what a good man does. Drop your fiancé and have some self respect.

tossout7878 − You're about to marry an abusive man.

sayknee − I think the pneumonia is affecting you more than you think. You're calling your abusive ex your fiance. In all seriousness I hope you get better soon. Already the great people in your life (like your kids). D**p the fiance. You deserve better.

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teresajs − He's showing you who he is... someone you can't rely on.

squadparty − He responded 'I'm not picking up your f**king kids!' Uh... is this how he normally responds to things? This is a far larger issue than just not helping when you're sick.

loveforllamas − Of course you have the right to be upset. You shouldn't even be leaving the house, let alone be running errands and getting scoffed at. How does he usually act when you're sick or need him to do something? Is it possible that he's scared of the fact that you're quite sick and is trying to push that away? I think you need to have a serious conversation about why he's treating you like this at a time when you need him the most.

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These fierce responses rally behind her, but do they pave her way forward? Reddit’s passion fuels resolve, yet her next steps need practical support.

This mother’s fight through pneumonia, abandoned by her fiancé’s cruelty, reveals a resilience that outshines her fear. Her vow to leave him sparks hope for a stronger future. Readers, have you faced a partner’s neglect in your darkest hour? How did you rebuild? Share your wisdom below—let’s bolster her path to freedom!

This is the latest update from the author of the article:

First and foremost, I'm alive! I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You guys really helped me see just how cruel and unreasonable he was being. It took four months but I finally worked up the courage to break it off. He has moved out and my children and I are moving on with our lives.. Again, thank you all so much for opening my eyes.

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TL;DR: My ex-fiance treated me cruelly when I had pneumonia. Turned to r/relationships for advice. Got great advice. Broke it off. Feeling better about life. :)

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