I [29F] feel like I’m wasting my life by staying with my husband [29M]?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet suburban home, a woman stares out the window, her dreams tethered to the rhythm of her husband’s car keys jangling out the door. For nine years, she’s poured her heart into her marriage and motherhood, but at 29, she feels her life slipping into a monotonous loop of dishes and daycare. Her husband’s insistence on a one-car household and his dismissal of her desire to work or see friends has left her isolated, yearning for purpose beyond the four walls she’s confined to.

This story, shared on Reddit, captures the slow erosion of identity under routine and restriction. It resonates with anyone who’s felt their spark dimmed by unshared burdens. Her struggle to balance love for her husband with frustration at her stagnant life pulls readers into her quiet rebellion: a fight to reclaim herself without shattering her family.

‘I [29F] feel like I’m wasting my life by staying with my husband [29M]?’

My husband and I have been together 9 years, married 7. We have a 5 year old. For the past few years or so, he's been against me really doing much of anything. I stayed home with our child, because financially it was the best choice. When they got a few years older, I wanted to work part time because I was *desperate* to do anything even mildly productive.

He was against it because then his days off work would be totally shot. And on his off days, he's off f**king around doing whatever he wants (99% of the time it pertains to a hobby of his), so I'm again stuck at home, doing absolutely nothing.

He insists on being a one car family (which I can agree with to an extent, it doesn't make sense to pay double the expenses if I'm not working and don't *need* a car), but he doesn't even make an effort to carpool, or some other kind of arrangement, so the car can be available to me once and a while and I can do *something*.

So now I feel like this loser, who sits home all f**king day, every single day, with no car. I haven't seen friends in forever because it's too much work to figure out a day to meet up where I'll have a car and my husband will be off work AND at home to watch our child.

My siblings are always meeting up for concerts and dinners, and I've never been to a single one for the same reason. I'm doing absolutely nothing with my life, all because my husband thinks it makes his life easier, and I'm sick of it.

I've told him it bothers me, and his response is always 'well, I don't know what to tell you'. I love him, and I don't think I should jump on the divorce ship quite yet, but I am *so* sick of wasting my life.. Tell me what to do Reddit, because I have not a damn clue..

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

This woman’s story reveals a partnership tilted heavily in one spouse’s favor. Her husband’s control over the car and dismissal of her ambitions—work, socializing—signal a lack of mutual respect. As relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman observes, “A relationship thrives when both partners feel seen and valued”. The wife’s isolation, contrasted with her husband’s hobby-driven freedom, underscores an inequitable dynamic where her needs are sidelined.

Her experience reflects a broader issue: 60% of stay-at-home mothers report isolation, with limited autonomy often worsening mental health. The husband’s curt “I don’t know what to tell you” dodges accountability, leaving her to bear the emotional weight alone. Small, intentional acts—like sharing the car or prioritizing her interests—could rebuild balance, per Gottman’s emphasis on “bids for connection.”

Couples counseling with a focus on egalitarian partnerships could help them communicate better. Alternatively, she might pursue part-time work or online courses to regain confidence, even if it requires negotiating carpooling.

Asserting her needs calmly, without ultimatums, invites her husband to meet her halfway. If he resists, Oscillator, she’ll need to consider whether this marriage aligns with her long-term happiness.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s responses were candid and passionate, offering a mix of empathy and tough love. Many felt the husband’s behavior borders on controlling, treating her more like a caretaker than a partner.

Others praised her restraint and urged her to prioritize her happiness, suggesting practical steps like counseling or asserting her right to personal time. These comments reflect a community rallying behind her, though some wonder if her husband fully grasps the depth of her frustration.

readyforsomething − Just want to be honest, your post makes you sound like a live-in maid/baby sitter/?. And. 'well, I don't know what to tell you'. is not an acceptable response from someone you love and that should love you.

And on his off days, he's off f**king around doing whatever he wants (99% of the time it pertains to a hobby of his) and what do you get to do on your days off from your full time job? Oh right, you don't get any.. You're his wife and should be his equal. Do you feel that way?

[Reddit User] − Don't ask his permission to do things. Say 'I am doing [x], this is how I think we might handle it'. Listen to what he says. Maybe [x] is a class you take on Tuesday nights. You need him to be home on childcare duty by 6:30 pm.

Maybe [x] is you need the car one day a week, and will drive him to work and pick him up that day. Maybe it's one afternoon every weekend where you get the car and can go out on your own and do whatever you want. He is treating you like a servant.

Well, professional domestic staff get days off and the opportunity to develop their other interests, so you should too. If he is a reasonable person he will probably not be nuts about having to take on more responsibility and having less freedom, but he'll come around. If he is not a reasonable person...well, that gives you more information to make choices about your life with.

alfshsdh − I agree that you are wasting your life. You shouldn't have to wait for someone else to live. I think you should trust your gut on this one.

whatsnewpussykat − I'm an enthusiastic stay at home mum - like, this is my dream job - and I would go berserk if my husband behaved the way yours is. Your time is exactly as valuable as his. Your happiness and fulfillment is exactly as important as his. If it were me I would insist on counseling so you can have a third party help with communication.

He absolutely needs to recognize that you are his wife and his partner, not his kid's nanny. It sounds like you've expressed your displeasure multiple times and offered solutions (getting a job, getting another vehicle) and he shoots them down because it would make his life slightly harder. That's pretty fucked up, to be honest.

[Reddit User] − Have you told him that you are so unhappy that you have started to think about divorce as an option? Regardless of how clear you believe you have been with him, he might not really understand.

Also, he deserves to know what the stakes are. Note that I don't think issuing an ultimatum is healthy, but that's not the same thing as sharing what your real thoughts are.

ohhessahhdee − First and foremost, you need a car. Not only will it give you a sense of freedom but you'll have the flexibility to take your child to dr and dentist appts, play dates, sports, lunches, birthday parties without having to rely on your husbands schedule. See how he reacts to that proposal and then take your next step.

If it's a matter of finances then you'll just need to be more assertive on the days he's off. If it's a matter of control and he just says no, then you need to get yourself together and propose counseling for yourself at the least.

Cracklermac − I think you should talk to him and tell him it isn't fair that he treats you like that and that you're not a machine to stand by to his b**lshit. You've been together for that long I think you should be able to talk to him properly if he still insists on being a d**k then.. people of reddit will give you other ways to deal with him.

[Reddit User] − Think about what the solution is. Figure out what the ideal situation looks like and what your minimum viable solution looks like.. Then figure out what each one would take. After that sit down and talk to your husband.

Propose some changes. Start with your ideal situation. Be willing to compromise. But don't dip below what your minimum requirements are.. You tell him it bothers you, instead tell him what needs changing.

ExosEU − There is a huge communication issue between the two of you, and at the moment anything you might say doesn't seem to go through. Sorry to say this, but to me it seems like he views you as a pet and certainly not a partner.

Here is my advice. I believe he himself is unhappy about his life, professionnaly if he has a low income men usually equate this to a failure on their part. This could explain why hes so into his hobbies to avoid thinking about it.. You are unhappy because he isn't giving you the attention you deserve.

My guess is that a house wife makes her pride and self accomplishment on the success of her husband (behind every strong man a strong woman stands behind her) and this is probably what he is expecting from you while sucking real bad at conveying that.

You won't get anything just by sitting down and showering him with accusations. You'll only distance him more by acting as a bother. Instead, a good way to install the dialog is by admitting your part into what lead to this situation.

If you can't think of anything you've done wrong then you arr not ready to sit down and talk with him, and will result in further failure. I'm not saying its easy, but if you want things to change you must be the first to instigate it.

Edit : i'm not saying you are in the wrong. Both of you are. But the first priority is for both of you to admit their own mistakes, abd the best wat for him to open up is for you to make the first move.

If you can tell him what you think you have done wrong, he will be more open to you criticism of his behavior. You should see an improvement of the communication there.

This woman’s story serves as a stark reminder that love alone cannot sustain a marriage when one partner’s dreams are consistently overlooked. Her path forward—whether through negotiating for a car, seeking therapy, or setting firm boundaries—could reshape her future.

Readers are invited to share their thoughts and experiences below to keep this vital conversation alive.

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