I (28M) have chased my fiance (27F) all my life. Became a doctor only because she wanted to marry a doctor. Found her cheating. What am I supposed to do???

Shirley Stafford Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a bustling Indian hospital, a young doctor’s world collapses as he uncovers a betrayal that cuts deeper than any scalpel. For 13 years, he chased his fiancée, molding his life to her dream of marrying a doctor. From grueling medical school exams to long hospital shifts, every step was for her—until he found her cheating with a colleague. The sting of her infidelity, discovered through a chance clue about bed bug bites, shatters the future he built around her.

Now, he wrestles with heartbreak and self-doubt, questioning why his sacrifices weren’t enough. Her charm and care once felt like love, but her actions reveal a different truth. As he faces a life without his anchor, this doctor’s journey from devotion to disillusionment unfolds, a poignant reminder that love can blind even the sharpest minds.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘I (28M) have chased my fiance (27F) all my life. Became a doctor only because she wanted to marry a doctor. Found her cheating. What am I supposed to do???’

Chased my fiance all my life. Tried hard to be successful because she wanted a doctor. She is still cheating. I know if people are going to see this they're going to call me a stalker or a simp or whatnot. But it is what it is. I (M28) have loved my fiance (F27) since the day I have known what love is. We met when I was 15 and she was 14.

She was beautiful, like someone you'll see once once in a mall and remember her even after 10 years. I'm sure everyone has at least seen once seen such a girl. She was also sweet and fun. She had many issues at her home which affected a lot of her life choices but you'll never see her in a bad mood. But she was materialistic, and she never denied that.

She always wanted good things and she accepted it. I liked her for it because she wasn't pretentious or fake. When I first interacted with her she made it clear she will only marry a doctor. She also had good reasons and a story for it and I do acknowledge that. I accepted it. See I wasn't very good at studies but not an absolute d**bass either.

ADVERTISEMENT

So I gave it my everything. We live in India, so if you are a middle class kid you have to pass a crazy hard competitive exam to get into a good government run medical school, because frankly we didn't have enough money to get into a private one. I had to try 2 years after graduating high school to finally get into a medical school.

All while I was stuck at home trying to study and she was doing a degree in arts after high school. When I was preparing for the entrance she was just a friend, not too friendly but not too distant either. She made it clear it was nothing more than friendship though.

I also heard about her dating other people but I didn't care because in my mind I always thought of marrying her eventually. I know this sounds creepy but it is how my mind worked. So when I finally got into medical school she changed. She got more friendly to me. She broke up with her boyfriend and then we started dating after a while.

ADVERTISEMENT

Medical school is long, so when I was in school she had already graduated and was teaching in a secondary school, which was not very stable or high paying. But she stuck with me all through the medical school. After I graduated, I joined a hospital. Pretty good pay. Although I had long shifts the pay was pretty good.

During this period she told her parents about me. Her parents were pretty happy too, because in India everyone wants a doctor son in law. We have been engaged for a year now. We would have married already but I'm doing post graduation in dermatology(which is how I found about her cheating actually) and it is quite hectic to even attend someone else's marriage let alone be mine.

2 weeks ago I saw my fiance had red spots on her body, mostly on her back. I checked everything and I diagnosed it's possibly due to bed bug bites. She panicked but I just told her there are no issues because we'll just clean our houses and it won't happen again.

ADVERTISEMENT

So we checked both our places (she has rented a house near to her school and I have a hostel room in the hospital premises which the hospital provides to PG traines, although I mostly live at her place). We didn't find anything much. So I told I must have diagnosed wrong and I told her we should get her blood tested.

She was very hesitant because she is very afraid of needles but I said it's necessary. So I told her to come to the hospital the day after when she gets free from her school. The next day she came to the hospital from her school with a male colleague. I had met him earlier so I was cordial to him.

We got her blood sample to pathology lab and I started to talk with this colleague of her. I asked him where does he leave and he told me where. That just rang a huge f**king bell in my head. Because you see in OPD we see hundreds of patients in a day of the surrounding areas.

ADVERTISEMENT

We see many people from the same area having papular urticaria, which is a fancy way of saying insect bites. The bites can be of any insects or even bed bugs, but that particular area has a swamp area which gets dried out in summers and the whole area gets papular urticaria symptoms.

It's a common regular thing and everyone in our dermatology department knows it. So I just blurted out do you have any red swellings on your body or anything. He said yeah yeah a little. Just after he said it he went back on his words and said nothing much though, just like mosquitos and all.

But it had already registered in my mind. After he left I took my fiance back home. But I had this feeling that didn't go. The next day I saw her reports and she had no issues. So I just called her and told her I found no issues. I just took insect bite meds for her and gave her. In 2-3 days she was alright.

ADVERTISEMENT

But I couldn't get this feeling out of me. So one night I checked her phone when she slept I went through her phone, I had never done it all my life. I found nothing. But I couldn't get through this nagging feeling. The next day I took a break from my shift and went near her school and followed her when she left.

She went straight to home. When I saw this I just scolded myself for being such an a**hole and being so suspicious. But for the next 3 days I kept doing the same. On the 3rd day I saw her leave with that colleague and I saw them go to his house. Here my world shattered.

I have loved her all my life. I changed my life for her. She wanted to marry a doctor so I became a doctor. Didn't she say she will be with someone who is more successful than her?? Then what the hell was she doing with this b**??? I have nothing against teachers but he literally earns in 4 months what I can earn in one.

ADVERTISEMENT

Why the hell did I work this hard??? Why the hell did love her so much. Since that day I have said nothing to her. Because I don't know what to do. I have built my whole life around her. I just keep saying to myself what I didn't have that she had to go someone else??? I know I'm not super handsome but I'm not that bad looking either.

She is way out of my league I know, but I have worked all my life so that I could be able to be someone she can remain with. If this is what she wants why has she stayed with me all these years?? You know I have had no issues with her ever. She has been the perfect girlfriend. She cares for me, she supports me.

I have literally slept on her laps for hours while she sat there stroking my hair. So what is this now??? Where did this go wrong that she has to go to someone else?? What were the last 8 years???? I know this is getting quite long but I have nowhere to go to. I don't have many close friends because she was my everything, because my life revolves around her.

ADVERTISEMENT

I can't tell this to my family because I don't want anyone else to find out. What do I do??? I know it might be that no one sees this, but what am I supposed to do???. UPDATE:. I'm updating this to address to all the people who have commented or PMed me.

People who have given genuine advice I thank you. I will try to keep in mind everything you have said. I have also offended people by disrespecting teachers. I'm sorry for that. I was feeling very low and the negativity just came out.

I didnt think a man feeling low or having low self esteem and saying that honestly here will bring so much negative emotions in people. Some people have been outright hostile and abusive. I do understand that people don't like a man being weak. I'll try to strengthen that about me.

ADVERTISEMENT

Yes I do accept I'm coming off as naive, obsessed and what not. Emotional attachment of 13 years does not go in a single day, if it does for you then maybe I'm not as strong as you. But all this negativity has at least numbed me. I do think this will help me to confront her and face up my life.

I didn't think I was emotionally strong enough to do that, so I guess it has helped me a little. Also people who have texted me saying this seems fake and everything, I wish that was true. I wouldn't be in such condition right now. If it comes off as too flowery or seems like written by AI then I have to say I'm sorry I can't write in bad English purposefully.

Our Indian education system has crammed into us the power to write in correct English with slaps, sticks, sandals and what not. If there are grammatical mistakes and anything else I will accept that.

ADVERTISEMENT

And no I'm not abusive. I have never been. I come off as a stalker, following her and everything. I know. I missed some of my medical duties for that which I never thought I will. So I think I can't go any lower than that.

Love can inspire extraordinary feats, but when it’s one-sided, it risks becoming a trap. This doctor’s 13-year pursuit of his fiancée, driven by her desire for a doctor husband, reflects a deep devotion that blinded him to her true character. Her infidelity with a less successful colleague—despite his sacrifices—reveals a relationship built on her exploiting his dedication rather than mutual love. His heartbreak stems from losing not just her but the identity he crafted around her.

Unhealthy attachment, often rooted in idealization, can distort relationship dynamics. A 2023 study in Frontiers in Psychology notes that obsessive love increases vulnerability to betrayal, as it prioritizes the partner’s desires over one’s own well-being. His fiancée’s shift to friendliness only after his medical school acceptance suggests she valued his status over his heart. Her infidelity, paired with her history of dating others, points to a pattern of prioritizing her own needs.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Amir Levine, co-author of Attached, writes, “Healthy relationships require mutual emotional investment, not one partner reshaping their life to meet the other’s demands”. Here, the doctor’s life revolved around her, leaving little room for self-discovery or equal partnership. The broader issue is how cultural pressures in India—where professional status like “doctor” elevates marriage prospects—can fuel transactional relationships, sidelining emotional compatibility. A 2024 survey by the Indian Journal of Sociology found 62% of young adults felt family pressure to prioritize career prestige in partner selection.

He should end the engagement, prioritizing therapy to rebuild self-esteem and unpack his fixation. Confronting her calmly about the cheating can provide closure, but he must avoid her manipulation. Reconnecting with family or new friends can fill the void she left, while exploring hobbies outside medicine can rediscover his identity. Resources like Attached by Levine offer insights into healthier attachments. As a young doctor, his future is bright—finding someone who values him, not his title, is the next step.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s community was blunt, urging the doctor to end the engagement and reclaim his self-respect. Many labeled his fiancée manipulative, noting her interest spiked only after his medical school success, suggesting she valued his status over love.

ADVERTISEMENT

Commenters encouraged therapy to address his obsession and low self-esteem, warning that staying risks lifelong pain. Some highlighted his appeal in the dating market as a young doctor, urging him to find a partner who reciprocates his devotion. Despite harsh critiques of his “weakness,” supportive voices praised his honesty and pushed him toward healing and independence.

Power_and_Science − Go back on the dating market. As a young doctor, you will have an abundance of choices. The best revenge is your happiness and success.. She has no respect for you now, and that won’t change.

Evitrii − She never actually liked you in this way, she just liked your devotion to her and the prospects you offered. This is obvious from her not being interested in you until you got to med school.

ADVERTISEMENT

She was using you to arrange her life in a way she wanted, but her heart wasn’t there so was free to find others to be interested in. You deserve better, but before you try dating again please consider therapy to address this whole mess and this obsession with her

LuckyFey − She attracted to your job bruh not you

jumbopopsicle − Have some self respect for yourself dude, get married and you'll be in long term suffering. You're a doctor, you're gonna have a great time in the dating market! All the best!

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − D**p her. She doesn’t love or respect you.

Cat_o_meter − You are shallow, loving someone because they are beautiful. . This is what happens when that's your criteria for a partner.. I think you need to figure out what you want out of life before dating anyone 

relaxative_666 − You've been chasing her. Your life revolves around her. So she thinks you will never break up with her. I think it is time for you to surprise her and tell her you love her and you want to be happy and so you're breaking up with her so she can marry her big love, her colleague!

ADVERTISEMENT

Break up. cancel the wedding and find someone who chases you as much as you will chase that person. Oh you might want therapy because the way your life revolves around a woman isn't healthy.

[Reddit User] − Dude. You need serious help with your mental health.

No-Communication9979 − Until you get help to fix what caused you to chase after someone so superficial this WILL happen again. Learn to be a better judge of character.

ADVERTISEMENT

TR6er − This post cannot be real. Nobody is this weak. If it is real, why is he even here? He won't leave and won't listen. Stay with her and let bang other dudes the rest of your life.

This doctor’s journey from lifelong devotion to crushing betrayal is a stark lesson in self-worth. His fiancée’s cheating exposed a love that was more about her ambitions than mutual care, leaving him to rebuild a life he shaped for her. Therapy, new connections, and time can help him rediscover who he is beyond her shadow.

As he steps into his future, he has a chance to find love that lifts him up, not tears him down. Share your thoughts or experiences below—how do you heal from a love that reshapes your life? Let’s keep the conversation flowing.

ADVERTISEMENT

[UPDATE]

I'm giving this update because I have been bombarded with a lot of DMs. I have talked to her. She accepted cheating. We talked. She didn't object to anything I told her. She has told me she will respect whatever I decided.

It's was a messy thing. I am not in a state of mind to describe anything more. I think this will be my last post here. So I'm making some things clear. I have already missed a lot of hospital duties. We are not allowed to do that. I'm surely going to face the consequences. But I want to take a short break.

I know people are going to blast me for it. But I'm not going to dump her right now. This is not how it works here in India. If I do that, even if nobody else knows why everyone is going to point fingers at her and brand her all sorts of names. Societal pressure is a big thing in India. I don't wish it on anyone, even if they were my enemy.

ADVERTISEMENT

People who have given me genuine advice, thank you from my core. I haven't been able to reply to you all. I'll when I'm okay. A lot of you have pointed out my flaws, that I'm obsessive, spineless, a stalker and many things more. I acknowledge my flaws. I'll go to therapy and try to work on it. I accept I shouldn't base my whole life on a single person.

Most of the DMs and comments I have recieved have been outright hostile and abusive. Sorry I elicited such negative emotions. I didn't mean to. Also I have painted her way too negatively in my previous post. I was low and I shouldn't have done that, I accept it.

She is materialistic I don't deny that. But she has never been a gold digger. She has never demanded anything expensive. Furthermore whenever I want to buy something expensive she shouts at me not to. She is materialistic in the sense she wants to good assets in our life which we can both use for long time. I was sorry if I mislead everyone and didn't make it clear.

ADVERTISEMENT

Her wanting to marry a doctor has a good reason, which I had pointed out in that post. I know it and accept it. No, I'm not going to share it, because it's very personal. She has never been exploitative or manipulative before. She has always been very devoted and has always put me first. That's why this incident was so heartbreaking.

I'm not defending her mistakes. Because even she didn't. She accepted. I'm also looking to accept all the mistakes I have made. No, she didn't blame me. I'm doing this on my own because I received so much feedback here. And no, neither me nor she has ever been abusive in our relationship. Everyone has small fights, that's all we had ever too.

I'm looking forward to improving myself mentally, emotionally and physically. I have not been emotionally strong as many of you have pointed out. I hope to work on that. Thank you.

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *