I (26F) am newly dating a guy (30M) who is pretty upset with me… any advice on what I should do or if I should try to fix this?

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A spark-filled first date, a cozy coffee walk, and a candlelit dinner—three dates that promised a budding romance. But for one woman, a new relationship unraveled faster than a swipe left when her date assumed exclusivity without a word. His cryptic hints and sudden cold shoulder left her reeling, caught between confusion and hurt in the whirlwind of modern dating.

Can a relationship survive unspoken expectations? This Reddit tale dives into the tricky dance of early dating, where one misstep can end the music. Was she wrong to keep her options open, or did his assumptions doom their connection? Let’s unpack this digital-age drama and explore the lessons learned.

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‘I (26F) am newly dating a guy (30M) who is pretty upset with me… any advice on what I should do or if I should try to fix this?’

I (26F) am newly dating a guy (30M) and he is pretty upset with me… any advice on what I should do or if I should try to fix it? I’ve been dating a guy I met on a dating app for about two weeks. We got a drink on a Thursday, went for coffee and a walk the following Sunday, and then to dinner this past Saturday.

The night after our very first date, he told me “he did a thing.” When I asked what it was, he sent a screenshot of deleting his dating apps. I asked why he did that and he responded “I’m over it.” I didn’t think much into this besides that he was frustrated with dating apps and was hopeful towards our next date.

When I told him I went to a bar for a drink one night last week, he texted back to ask “are these other dates you’re going on?” to which I responded “nope, just catching up with a friend tonight.” I was abroad the week before our first date, and when I showed him some photos, he said “Just don’t post all the ones of you looking so good…you’ll have to beat the guys off with a stick lol” which now I am looking back and finding to be a weird thing to say.

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He also mentioned a concern with how much I love to travel as he would “always be worried about me.” After dinner on Saturday, he asked if I had been going on dates with other people and I told him that I had declined a few recently. Fast forward to today, he asked where I went last night and I told him I was on a date. We didn’t have any plans yet for a fourth date and so I had been feeling uncertain about where we stood.

He responded back saying “Yeah I knew something was up tbh. Well it was nice spending the time I did with you. You were the only one I was talking to and respected you enough to not entertain anyone else. I’m not going to deal with trying to keep your attention on me when I had all mine on you.”

He also said “I’ve seen what “going out with friends” looks like in many different way courtesy of my past relationships and my gut feeling has never been wrong.” I asked him if he would be willing to talk through this in person to which he declined. Although this was only three dates, I am feeling pretty hurt and confused as I never intended to make him feel disrespected.

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I wish he would have more explicitly spoken to me about wanting to become exclusive. I asked him if he would give me a few minutes on the phone and he said “Not tonight. I’m not making conversation when I’m upset like this.” He also said “I don’t need an apology or a dinner. After going out a few times I told you how I felt and deleting my app. I didn’t expect the same but at least the respect of not entertaining other guys.”. Any advice?

UPDATE: thank you everyone for the insight. I read through all the comments and I can empathize with him in how he feels hurt from the situation. I think this was a situation was bit too rushed for me and I will over-communicate down the line in dating to avoid misunderstandings.

While I can empathize on our different approaches, I do feel this was a bit too possessive so early on and I only tried to meet his expectations of me with honesty. i think my best course of action is to move on and be even more transparent about expectations in my future!

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Early dating is a delicate balance of hope and clarity, and this woman’s story shows what happens when signals cross. Her date’s unilateral decision to delete his apps and expect exclusivity after one date set a trap of unspoken assumptions. His passive-aggressive texts and refusal to talk reveal insecurity, while her honesty about another date was fair given no clear commitment. Both stumbled over mismatched expectations in a fledgling romance.

A 2023 survey by Pew Research found 59% of daters feel confused by unclear relationship expectations in app-based dating. This case mirrors that, with his “I did a thing” hint failing to convey his desire for exclusivity, leaving her blindsided by his reaction.

Dr. Logan Levkoff, a relationship expert, says, “Clear communication is the cornerstone of healthy dating; assumptions breed resentment.” Levkoff’s insight highlights his error in not stating his needs, and her reflection shows growth in prioritizing transparency.

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She’s wise to move on, focusing on partners who communicate directly. Future dates should include early chats about exclusivity to avoid repeats.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit served up a feast of opinions, from fiery clapbacks to thoughtful takes, all seasoned with a pinch of humor. Was the guy’s reaction a red flag, or did she miss a cue? Here’s what the community tossed into the mix:

00Lisa00 − Just let him go. 2 weeks is not worth this drama.

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BitterAd9906 − He never explicitly, proactively addressed that he was ready to stop seeing other people and would prefer if you would do the same- this is not someone I would want to continue seeing after the way he handled this situation. Directness is fundamental- this guy plays passive aggressive games so not worth a single second more of your energy, frankly.

Prioritize people who can directly express their needs and desires to you and, understanding that even the best of us suck to say how we feel in some regards, the people who can have a mature conversation about hurt feelings. Wish I'd learned this earlier in my life, to be frank. Communication is everything!!. You only spent 5 minutes with this guy- let it go, you can do so much better 💜

Rogue5454 − Any advice? Ya, you should have said 'oh well okay then have a nice life' instead of pursuing him to speak about it any further. Him asking where you are all the time after a date or two is a HUGE red flag. This guy is insecure AF & is incapable of a relationship with anyone.

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He also expected you to 'magically know' he was only seeing you & expected you to do the same. Which is highly rare after a few dates anyway! Do not chase this guy to get some answers or appease him. Move on & save yourself from likely going through hell to keep his ego up. No one wants that one-sided emotional labor either. It's not fair.

Live-Maize6410 − Eh. I don’t know if you did anything wrong per se but if I slept with a woman and told her I was deleting dating apps and was only focused on her, and she still dated other men, I’d probably move on. It just kinda says she wants to find better. Which is fine. Many people agree in these comments. Date around, etc. But I understand where he’s coming from, you’re just not compatible

foragingdruid − You only went on three dates with the guy, so while I understand you are hurt, you did not spend a lot of time with him. It sounds like he had expectations that things would be exclusive right off the bat, but didn’t communicate that. If you feel like the connection was worth it, you could totally try to work this out, but he might need some time. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to move on though.

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SaltyLilSelkie − “I did a thing” is such childish language to use. Telling you after one date is also really weird - like it’s putting pressure on you. He also objects to you spending time with friends and feels like he’s got a right to question how you spend your time. Yuck. He is jealous, insecure and controlling. He’s waving a ton of red flags at you - and you should run far and fast in the other direction.

FizzixMan − So here is my take: The way he handled everything was incredibly immature, but came from a place I understand. He should have been upfront and told you what he expected in terms of only dating on person at a time, not snide about anything, then you could have decided what to do knowing his position.

I’m also somebody who only gives his attention to one woman at a time when dating, and if she sees anybody else it’s over from after the first date. But I’m respectful and explain this to women, and have no issue if they tell me that it’s not something they are comfortable with.

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RareWolf34 − I mean, if I went on a few dates with a guy and it went really well and we slept over (s**ual or not) and then he tells me that he went out on a date, I’d feel pretty disrespected. Even if I haven’t had talked about being exclusive, it still sucks.

LifeRound2 − Multi dating is an instant no-go for a lot of people, mostly men it seems.

designgrl − Honestly if I was getting to know someone and they were still going on dates I would lose interest and not bother bc this doesn’t look like someone with intentions to date me.

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These Reddit gems are bold, but do they crack the code of this dating debacle, or just fan the flames?

This dating misadventure proves that love in the app era needs more than chemistry—it demands clear words. The woman’s honesty clashed with her date’s silent expectations, leaving both bruised but wiser. Her choice to move on dodges a bullet, but it begs the question: how do you set the rules in early romance? Have you faced a dating app disconnect like this? Drop your stories in the comments and let’s keep this heart-to-heart rolling!

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