I (21F) am thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend (22M) after meeting his family. I can’t tell if i’m being overdramatic?

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Picture a sprawling mansion aglow with chandeliers, buzzing with the chatter of dozens of relatives, and a young woman clutching her boyfriend’s hand, her heart pounding. For this 21-year-old, her first proper relationship with Andy felt like a fairy tale—until his dad’s birthday dinner turned into a social gauntlet. Expecting a cozy family meal, she was blindsided by a crowd of unfamiliar faces, her anxiety flaring like a warning siren.

Thrust into the spotlight, she faced a stinging jab from Andy’s mother, who labeled her “clingy” in front of everyone, with Andy failing to defend her. The humiliation stung, leaving her questioning if love could survive a family that felt more like foes. This Reddit saga, raw with emotion, pulls us into her struggle: can she trust Andy to stand by her side, or is this a sign to walk away?

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‘I (21F) am thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend (22M) after meeting his family. I can’t tell if i’m being overdramatic?’

I have been with my boyfriend, we'll call Andy, for just over a year. Although i have been on lots of dates before him he is my first ever proper relationship. 3 days ago he took me his familys house for his dads birthday family dinner. I was under the assumption that the only people that would be there would be Andys siblings and parents.

I was wrong. His whole family was there. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents, Great grandparents even distant relatives he hadnt seen in years (his family is very rich and have a huge house able to accommodate everyone). I get very anxious around large groups of people especially when im not expecting it and i don'y know anyone so I was sticking by Andys side the whole night engaging in polite conversation with everyone.

When everyone was seated for dinner Andys mum spoke up and asked me if Andy was my first boyfriend. I confirmed and she said 'I guess i can excuse it then'. When I asked her about it she just said I was being so c**ngy to Andy the whole night and not letting him see his family. I explained my situation about my anxiety to her and all she said was 'He's a man, he needs his freedom, he doesn't need you stuck at his side'.

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I have always been taught to defend myself so i started to say how i was sure Andy didn't mind and ask her to not bring this up around 30 people but Andy interrupted me and told me not to disrespect his mother like that. I asked him how it was ok for his mother to call me c**ngy but not ok for me to defend myself and he just told me to be quiet and let his dad enjoy his birthday.

I didn't want to create more of a scene so I did that. The only thing that made me feel better was when his older sister said, 'It's ok I feel that way sometimes as well' but still, I kept getting dirty looks from everyone around the table. I was close to tears so before desert came out i told Andy that I didn't feel comfortable or welcome here so I was going to go home.

I stood up claimed to be feeling sick and that i was going to go home. No one stopped me but Andy got up followed me out and asked me to stay. At this point I started crying and tolf him i felt so attacked in that room and i was really upset that he didn't stand up for me or even mention that he initiated some of the hand holding and sticking together throughout the night.

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He apologised but I told him I didnt know if i could be with someone like that. That made him start crying asking me not to leave him and that he loved me. I just told him i needed to think and got into my car and drove home. Its been 3 days and he has sent me a few messages before saying he'd leave me alone.

I really like him but I don't know if i can trust him to stand up for me around his family or even others. I also can't help but feel i'm blowing this way out of proportion which is making me feel worse. I really love Andy and I don't want to lose him. Can someone please give me some advice on what i should do.

EDIT: I just want to make it clear to everyone that 1. I'm not usually this bad in social settings. I just wasn't expecting the 30-40 people that were there and my anxiety can get the better of me. 2. I am not that upset about his mum calling me c**ngy, I'm upset that Andy didn't say anything and allowed me to feel humiliated in front of everyone. It was a truly isolating feeling.

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3. I didnt mention this earlier because i didn't think it was relevant but Andys sister (25F) reached out to me and apologised on behalf of the family saying she regrets not saying more.. I am planning on talking to him soon and will leave an update later.

UPDATE: I listened to some of the advice you guys have given me and I messaged Andy last night and we met up this morning at a park near my house. I asked him to let me say my piece and then he can come in and say hat he wants to say. I told him how the whole situation made me feel (basically what i mentioned in this post) and how i felt disrespected by him and that i don't really care about his excuses as to why he did what he did.

I also asked him to give his dad an apology for my behaviour and causing a scene at his party as some of the comments made me realise that i maybe didn't handle the situation in the best way possible. Once I was done Andy then told me I had nothing to apologise for and that it was not only his mum that was out of order but him.

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He told me after all the guests had left his sister gave him and his mum an earful about their behaviour and that he was truly sorry about how he treated me. Apparently his mum just meant to make me uncomfortable and not break us up but i'm not so sure i believe that.

I made the decision to show Andy the post I made as to one suggestion made by a commenter and some of the responses especially about the comments made about parental enmeshment. When he saw that it really did make him think and agree. He told me he knows i don't care about this but he said as the youngest of his family his brother and cousins used to bully him relentlessly, doing stuff i won't repeat.

And the only person who stood up for him was his mother so he has quite a close relationship with her and when the whole situation at dinner went down he freaked out and took his mothers side. He asked for another chance to prove himself to me because he really did love me and he didnt want to lose me.

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I love Andy and I didn't want this to completely ruin our relationship when this was really the first major thing to happen so I agreed to give him another chance, only if he proved to me that he was willing to stand up for me against his family and that if anything like this happens again, I'm gone.

Right now me and Andy are friendly but we are not jumping straight back into our relationship as we were before just for the time being. I'm not asking him to choose between me or his family, I'm not that kind of person, but i did ask to meet his family again, maybe in a quieter setting and try start over.

If his mum is still cold to me/ making me upset then I'll figure out what to do next from there. Fortunately me and Andys sister have been messaging a lot so I know that she is in my corner. As for people talking about managing my anxiety I already see someone for that. thanks for suggesting that to me though.. Sorry if this is worded weirdly i'm just trying to get it all out.

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This dinner debacle lays bare the clash of family expectations and personal boundaries. The young woman’s anxiety, amplified by an unexpected crowd, was met with a public shaming from Andy’s mother, revealing a deeper issue: enmeshment, where family loyalty overshadows partnership. Andy’s failure to defend her left her isolated, a wound many in relationships fear.

Dr. Kenneth Adams, an expert on enmeshment, states, “When a partner prioritizes their family’s approval over their spouse, it undermines trust and intimacy” (Overcoming Enmeshment). Here, Andy’s reflex to side with his mother reflects a learned deference, likely rooted in his history of relying on her protection. His apology and willingness to change suggest potential for growth, but the mother’s behavior hints at future challenges.

A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found 65% of young couples face family-related stress in early relationships (APA). This story underscores the need for open communication about boundaries. Couples can benefit from discussing family dynamics early, setting clear expectations. For this pair, counseling or boundary-setting exercises could rebuild trust.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crew didn’t hold back, serving up spicy takes with a side of sympathy! Here’s the scoop from the online peanut gallery, dishing out advice as bold as a dinner table showdown.

[Reddit User] − You don’t want to be a part of that family. Trust me. If this is how they’re going to treat you the first time you meet, it’s only going to get worse. You’re young. Find someone else who respects you and with a family who aren’t cunts.

[Reddit User] − Nah. The matriarch has laid down the law as to how you are to be treated by the family.. Your boyfriend has basically said “I agree with my mother now shut up”. I wouldn’t stay with him.

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AlcoholYouLater97 − Your boyfriend had the perfect opportunity to stick up for you, and he sided with his mom. The fact that he viewed you defending yourself as 'disrespecting' his mom is absolutely ridiculous, he didn't care she was disrespecting you. You can do so much better.

sanguinepsychologist − It isn’t worth it. If this is her polite way of addressing you in front of a group of people, during an event that isn’t even hers, I can assure you the way she will treat you in private will be beyond the pale. If your boyfriend cannot stand up for you when his family member has a MINOR issue with you, he will never have your back in any REAL dispute..

And believe me: there will be *so many* disputes. You’ve just been told in front of that whole family that you aren’t good enough, and you will *never* be good enough even if you spend years trying to be perfect. Unless you will be willing to surrender *entirely* to this family’s (mother’s) authority, you will NEVER have a say in when you marry, where you marry, how many kids you have, how your kids will be raised, what kind of home you’ll buy …

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The list goes on. He had every opportunity to go back in there and tell them all they were being impolite and leave with you. He didn’t. He left it at crying and emotional manipulation. This is not partner material.. You are wiser than you think to consider this a dealbreaker and refuse to accept this kind of situation.

Candid-Quail-9927 − First time meeting his family you meet the whole extended family. He did not prepare you and clearly did not prepare his family either. More importantly first rule as a hostess is to make your guest feel comfortable and welcomed. His mother and family did not. Move on as his family will always tell him you were the issue.

wotsname123 − This was them on their best behaviour.

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Watertribe_Girl − Honestly? I’m mortified she would call you out like this and ask if this was your first relationship. It’s really overwhelming being in that kind of environment with a big family, and that’s even for extroverted people. They should have cut you some slack and tried to engage with you and welcome you… The fact your bf is ok with his mother behaving like that, well that’s the icing on the cake.

Cause it’s one thing to have a rude MIL and another to have your bf not be on your side or defending you etc. My parent was bullied by their MIL, I won’t go into it but it was a whole s**t storm for years and years - 37 to be precise. My other parent didn’t defend or help once.

And that’s caused a whole lot of resentment and bitterness, when objectively the bullying MIL and her family were damn right not ok. Trust your gut, you don’t just marry the guy - you marry his family. And if he doesn’t see any wrong in that family, you’ll be on your own in many situations like this to come

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NoxWild − Andy's mother was *incredibly* rude to you. *She* disrupted the gathering by waiting until the entire family was seated at the table, then asking her sly question designed to insult you and wrong-foot you. She was probably *delighted* you responded as you did, so she could say her n**ty statement about how you were 'preventing' him from seeing his family.

If Andy had a backbone, he would have said, 'I'm happy to have Jane by my side and to introduce her to everyone. She hasn't kept me from seeing anyone I want to see.'. But he did not. He apologised but I told him I didnt know if i could be with someone like that. That made him start crying asking me not to leave him and that he loved me.

I just told him i needed to think and got into my car and drove home. Its been 3 days and he has sent me a few messages before saying he'd leave me alone.. His mom got what she wanted. She orchestrated the event to make you into the villain; she's told Andy you ruined the family party and not to bring you around; and she gets her precious baby boy all to herself again.

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Andy probably realizes he fucked up and got played by his mother, but she's a formidable opponent and he doesn't have the guts or the spine to stand up to her manipulation. I'm sorry this happened to you, but it is better that you found out Andy's weakness now, rather than later.

[Reddit User] − The fact that she spoke to you like during dinner and it was your first meeting with his family AND he didn't defend you...red flag, red flag, red flag. You're young and deserve better than this. Tell Andy maybe he should tell his mommy to quit ruining any chances he has at love and tell him good luck with the next one.

bcope84 − Do you want to spend the next 30 years having dinner with these people? I would not. They should have welcomed you but they did not. I’m sorry that you went through this. It was probably overwhelming expecting a few people and then showing up to many and then it went kinda downhill from there.

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These Reddit roasts raise a cheeky question: are they spitting facts or just fanning the drama flames?

From a mortifying family dinner to a tentative second chance, this young woman’s story shows love can be a battlefield, especially when family ties tangle with trust. Her courage to confront Andy and demand respect proves that even a shaky start can lead to growth—if both partners show up. With Andy’s apology and a supportive sister in her corner, there’s hope, but the road ahead depends on actions, not just words. Have you ever faced a partner’s family firing squad? What would you do in her shoes? Spill your thoughts!

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