Husband (26M) told me (26F) that we’re in major credit card debt. Is this salvageable?

The living room was quiet, save for the soft hum of a baby monitor, when her husband’s tears broke the silence. What started as a moment of raw vulnerability turned into a gut-punch revelation: $27,000 in credit card debt, racked up behind her back. For this stay-at-home mom, the news wasn’t just numbers—it was a betrayal that shattered her trust and upended her family’s future. Her Reddit post lays bare the pain of feeling stuck, sparking a firestorm of advice and empathy.

This story dives into the messy intersection of love, lies, and money, where one partner’s secrecy leaves the other scrambling for solutions. With two young kids and no easy way out, the OP’s struggle resonates with anyone who’s faced a financial curveball in a marriage. It’s a raw, relatable tale that begs the question: can trust be rebuilt when the bank account’s in the red?

‘Husband (26M) told me (26F) that we’re in major credit card debt. Is this salvageable?’

Last night my husband was sitting on the couch randomly burst into tears and announced we’re in major credit card debt ($27,000). We’ve been married for 6 years, for 4 of those I’ve been a stay at home mom for our 2 kids (4M, 2M).

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At first I laughed because I thought he was gonna tell me something worse when I saw him crying like that, but then it began to really sink in, I began to realize how helpless I am in this situation and I wanted to throw up. I can’t get a job, my husbands work schedule is insanely random, daycare is way too expensive and his MIL refuses to watch the kids despite not having a job. I already was frugal.

I already only went out on girls nights maybe once a month. And I’m insanely depressed that my last bit of being able to socialize was stripped away from me along with the small comforts I have (being able to buy a coffee or snack 2-3 times a week while I’m out with the kids)

He was really surprised I didn’t divorce him, but I don’t think he realizes I am literally stuck with him at this point. I have zero options outside of just sitting and suffering for the next 2 years while we pay this off. I love him, he’s the only man for me quite honestly, but the idea of not getting to celebrate my kids birthdays or Christmas for the next two years has made me really resentful towards him.

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I’m trying my best to pick up side gigs and just getting so f**king upset at the thought that every dollar I make no matter how hard I work is going towards fixing his problems while I have to be isolated at home pinching pennies.

I’m especially upset because I’ve literally asked him how we were financially several times over the past few months (he has all the apps on his phone and we don’t get physical mail for the bills) and he always assured me we were okay. He let me lie to our 4 year old and get him excited to go camping for the past 2 months.

I think he just completely ruined my perception of him and I no longer trust him to take care of our family, but I’m also firmly stuck in this position. I really really want to stay married to him but I don’t know how I can’t truly love someone who I have this little faith in.. (P.S, the debt is just accumulated stupid purchases he made, nothing n**arious

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This debt bombshell isn’t just a financial hit—it’s a trust earthquake rocking the OP’s marriage. The husband’s secrecy, despite her repeated check-ins, turned their partnership into a one-sided ledger. According to Psychology Today, financial infidelity—hiding spending or debt—can be as damaging as other betrayals, eroding trust. Here, his “stupid purchases” and lies about their stability left the OP blindsided and powerless.

The OP’s resentment stems from her limited options as a stay-at-home mom. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Financial transparency is non-negotiable in relationships; secrecy creates a power imbalance” . A 2023 National Foundation for Credit Counseling survey found 43% of couples argue over hidden debt, with 65% citing lack of communication as the root. The husband’s control over financial apps, excluding the OP, amplified this disconnect.

To move forward, experts urge immediate transparency. The OP should access all accounts, review statements, and categorize spending to understand the debt’s scope. Transferring balances to lower-interest cards and creating a strict budget can chip away at the $27,000. Couples counseling, paired with financial literacy courses, could rebuild trust. The OP might explore remote side gigs, like freelance writing, to ease the burden without childcare costs. Open dialogue and shared responsibility are key to salvaging both the marriage and their finances.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out practical tips and righteous indignation like a potluck of wisdom. From demanding account access to slamming the husband’s lies, the comments are a fiery mix of support and strategy. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

MediumSizedMedia − If I were you, I would want to see the last 2 years of statements so you can see how it got that bad. The actual purchases. Then, I would cut up the cards and make sure you have access to the accounts online so you can check on future putchases. On a more serious note, to get this all paid off, you will need to take up a job.

It's likely a night job if he works during the day so someone can be home with the kids. The next thing you need to do is see if the credit card is one of those high interest credit cards and if you can take one balance and move it over to a smaller interest card. You need to pay more than the monthly payment in order to actually pay it off.

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If you have no interest in helping to pay off those purchases and your name is not on the card the night time job will be money that you can save for yourself to possibly leave him or you can use your money on the kids happiness. I personally think this is salvageable if you both fix your spending habits drastically. If he is the one causing all of this, he needs way more oversight.

OkIntroduction389 − Agree with the other commenters that you need access to every account. You need to do a full review of your finances. What income comes in, what are your bills, then create a budget around what you have and plan to payoff the debt.

His hiding this from you is big, but you need to understand exactly what that $27k was spent on. The debt is bad enough but if it has been spent on frivolous things for himself without regard for your family’s well being then that’s another issue all together.

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kittenmask − Stupid purchases he made, nothing n**arious. Friend the lying is n**arious! He got you into this but he still controls the finances? No ma’am. Push him to take this more seriously. What of his stupid purchases is he going to return or sell? What changes is he making in his life to ensure it doesn’t happen again? What is his plan to rebuild your trust? Paper bills? Back in play. Credit cards? On ice.. I’m so sorry that you’ve been stuck in this position

HatsAndTopcoats − Here's what you need to do: * Go to the Credit Karma website and run his report, then your own. Make a list of all the accounts. * Access every account, as well as all bank accounts, and export the past six months of transactions as spreadsheets. * Make a Google sheet with columns for transaction date, description, and amount. Copy in that data from each account so you're making one giant sheet that covers the last six months.

(This will require a little finagling of the different sheets, because they'll all be in different formats; you may just need to copy the whole 'date' column and paste that in, then copy the 'description' column and paste that in, etc. And be on the watch for sheets that use positive amounts for charges where every other sheet uses negative, you have to switch those charges to match.)

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* Add another column for category (rent, car payment, groceries, vacations, Starbucks, electricity, cash withdrawals, etc) and categorize every transaction as best you can. You can make this easier by sorting the sheet by description, so that for example all the mortgage payments will be listed together and you can just fill those in all at once. * Use the spreadsheet to add up all the charges in each category.

Then divide each one by six. **Now you have a list that shows your family's average spending by category over the last six months.** * Go to /r/personalfinance and make a post titled something like 'We have $27k in credit card debt and I don't know what to do.'

Describe your situation and include your monthly income and your average spending information. They will advise you on your best way forward. This will be more helpful to you than giving up coffee and muffins for the next ten years. Good luck.

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Fantastic-Demand-688 − I’m curious about where the 27k went, what was so frivolous? From an outside perspective, it seems more like he was using the credit to supplement his income to support a family of 4 on one income. Like, he just doesn’t make enough money and the credit picked up the extra. He absolutely fucked up and the lying about the debt would be a dealbreaker for me personally. However. Living on one income for 4 is not realistic for most of us.

Also, for those saying OP should take over finances immediately. She has been completely uninvolved for quite a while (it sounds like). They BOTH need financial counseling moving forward. And to any woman reading this, you need to have equal access to every single account from day 1. Check it regularly. Meet with your partner monthly to review financials. I know it’s easier to let him do it, but it makes you extremely vulnerable.

SnooRecipes9891 − As the spouse and an adult in the relationship, always have access to the financial apps and information. You have equal say as a SAHM which is a more than full time job in where the money goes and how things are spent. He sounds like he needs to take some classes on financial literacy and work with a debt counselor. Be present with those conversations, get on all the apps, and take an active role in being a financial team.

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Interesting_Toe_2818 − Your MIL has every right to not want to babysit your children. You stated she refuses. I would to. You chose to have children, she didn't. All the other advice is very good about getting your finances in order.

PNulli − You need to actively take part in the financial handling of your family. The creditcard debt is going to be tough to pay off - but it’s doable. That he lied to you about it is a major, major problem, and that you allow yourself to be completely left on the sideline when it comes to your family’s financial situation is stupid. You are leaving yourself unnecessarily vulnerable…

West-Kaleidoscope129 − What did he spend it on?. Also, grandparents don't have to babysit even when unemployed.

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FinnFinnFinnegan − Get financial counseling. Demand access to all accounts. Can he find a job with more stable hours, so you can get a job? Get your own account and start putting money away. Never rely on a man for money.

These Redditors rallied behind the OP’s pain, but do their hot takes cover all angles?

This tale of hidden debt and fractured trust is a stark reminder that love doesn’t pay the bills—honesty does. The OP’s struggle highlights the cost of financial secrecy, leaving her to navigate resentment and isolation. With hard work and transparency, the couple might dig out of this hole, but the scars of betrayal linger. What would you do if your partner dropped a $27,000 debt bomb on your life? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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