Husband (27M) told me (31F) he got an arranged marriage with me because his family threatened to disown him

The glow of a dream wedding faded fast when a woman discovered her husband’s charming smile was a mask. Smitten by his wit and kindness, she entered their arranged marriage with hope, only to learn he wed her to dodge his wealthy family’s threats of disownment. Now, his personality swings like a pendulum—one moment clingy, the next icy—leaving her lost in a maze of mixed signals.

This Reddit tale grips readers with its raw clash of love, duty, and deception. Is she wrong to falter under his unpredictable behavior, or is it time to rewrite the script of their marriage? With a touch of humor and a nod to her quiet strength, let’s dive into the drama of a union built on shaky ground.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘Husband (27M) told me (31F) he got an arranged marriage with me because his family threatened to disown him

I am an only child. I went to an all girls school and then a women’s university, so I’ve never interacted with many men besides family members.. Although I am not unattractive, I have never dated. I had been trying to get an arranged marriage without much success.

Finally, I met my husband and I was smitten. He was very handsome and charming and funny and kind. We’ve been married for a year and he confessed recently that he can’t keep up the act anymore. His personality is different. He told me that he had to get an arranged marriage with me because his family threatened to disown him.

His family is wealthy. He had a girlfriend and they found out and he had to break up with her.. I felt really bad because we had come into this marriage for different reasons.. We agreed to stop acting like husband and wife at home since it was too much for my husband.

ADVERTISEMENT

But the way he behaves makes me confused. One moment he is extremely c**ngy and close and the next moment he will be cold. I don’t know what to expect. He makes a lot of plans to go out and then he is over the top with our married act.

He complains that I am very quiet now and we’re not close anymore. I don’t know how I am supposed to behave. He complains a lot about things. How do I interact with my husband when his personality is so mercurial and I don’t know what he wants?

Marriages thrive on trust, but this story reveals the chaos of a union rooted in coercion. The OP, an only child with limited dating experience, entered an arranged marriage with high hopes, only to learn her husband married her to secure his family’s wealth. His hot-and-cold behavior—affectionate one moment, distant the next—stems from the strain of maintaining a facade, leaving her confused and disconnected.

ADVERTISEMENT

This reflects broader challenges in arranged marriages under pressure. A 2023 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found that 55% of coerced arranged marriages face emotional disconnection due to mismatched intentions. The husband’s swings suggest guilt or fear of exposure, while the OP’s quiet withdrawal reflects her struggle to navigate an unequal dynamic.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Emotional safety is the bedrock of any partnership” (Hold Me Tight). The husband’s inconsistent behavior undermines this, as his complaints about the OP’s silence mask his own avoidance of authenticity. Johnson advises clear communication to rebuild trust. The OP could calmly ask what he wants from their marriage, setting boundaries to protect her emotional well-being.

Moving forward, the couple should define their marriage’s terms—whether as partners or respectful roommates—using tools like couples therapy, as suggested by The Gottman Institute. The OP might also explore her own goals, perhaps through journaling or support groups, to reclaim her voice.

ADVERTISEMENT

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew charged in like a squad with no chill, serving up blunt advice and sharp insights with a side of empathy. It’s like a virtual coffee shop where everyone’s got an opinion and a megaphone. Here’s the raw buzz:

trilliumsummer − His personality isn’t mercurial - he’s putting on the good husband act so he doesn’t get disowned. That isn’t him, it’s an act. The real him is whoever he is when there’s no one to tell his parents how he’s acting towards you.

Jainuinelydone − Look, as someone who comes from a culture where I’ve seen marriages like this I have a different perspective- you guys dont have to be a couple. You just have to be good enough friends. I know people who sleep in different bedrooms, have open marriages and just keep up pretences for their family.

ADVERTISEMENT

But only you can decide what works for you. If he’s complaining too much it’s a good time to ask him what exactly he wants. Make a solid plan. Tell him his behaviour is confusing you, and you’ve tried to agree with him in every form, but you don’t get what exactly he wants. Make it as clinical as you can.. Good luck.

Balasong-Bazongas − If you two really want to figure out how to move forward on this current path then establish set boundaries and discuss exactly what that means for you and set up an exit strategy for yourself if this becomes too much.

matchamagpie − I don't know about you, but I couldn't live like this -- in either of your shoes. Do you really want to stay married to a man who doesn't actually love you and only married you so his parents won't disown him? Life's too short to spend this much of it living a lie.

ADVERTISEMENT

Angel-4077 − I presume he is back to seeing his girlfriend , you need to confirm that and decide if you wish to stay married.

Sheshcoco − He doesn’t want a “real marriage” but he still wants the “benefits” of the marriage. That’s why he is hot and cold. Sit him down and tell him that if he wants this marriage to be on paper only then he doesn’t get to have the benefits of a marriage ie s**, affection, emotional support.

The best he can get is mutual respect and maybe friendship. Set some boundaries of what is acceptable and what isn’t. Don’t allow him to disrespect you, he can’t have his cake and eat too

ADVERTISEMENT

Signal_Historian_456 − So you’re in an one sided open marriage, he’s having his gf on the side, and you have to play the act because?! What’s your gain from staying with a man who gives a damn, who openly says he can’t and won’t love you, who does not want to be with you and is only around because he wants his inheritance? He acts so loving and c**ngy because he’s scared you blow his show up.

Which is what you should do. Sit down with his parents and simply ask them what you did to them to deserve this. Go into detail and everything. And then ask them again, what did you do to deserve this life, this being your husband? You don’t care about their money. You want a loving husband who’s truly with you, and not playing an act and f**king around behind your back.

Dry_Ask5493 − Stop giving him power over you. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to go f**k around while you are confused and controlled at home for him. You should leave this marriage if you can safely do it. Get a plan to get out.

ADVERTISEMENT

jamicam − I think I saw this exact story on Netflix ... Malaysian drama, maybe

NotAnotherFNG − I’d be concerned he puts on the act at home, does whatever he wants with whoever he wants away from you, then ditches you when his parents are gone and he doesn’t have to keep up the act. 

Redditors called out the husband’s manipulative act, urging the OP to set firm boundaries or consider leaving. Some suggested pragmatic friendship, others a clean break. But do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just stoking the drama? One thing’s clear: this marriage mess has everyone talking.

ADVERTISEMENT

This tale of a marriage born from family pressure lays bare the cost of living a lie. The OP’s struggle with her husband’s erratic behavior highlights the need for clarity and self-respect in any partnership. Whether they forge a new path or part ways, her quiet resilience shines through. Readers, what’s your verdict? Have you faced a relationship where love felt like an act? What would you do in this tangled marriage? Share below!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *