How weird would it be if I (F29) gave a new, solo baby my ex (M27) husband’s last name?

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A woman sits quietly, her hand resting on her growing belly, a blank birth certificate looming in her thoughts. After her ex-fiancé’s betrayal—claiming a vasectomy, pushing for an abortion, then vanishing—she’s chosen to raise her baby alone. Her last name, kept from her ex-husband, binds her to her older child but feels like a borrowed legacy. Should her new baby share it?

The decision weaves a tapestry of identity and family ties. A half-joking promise from her ex-husband years ago now feels eerily real. Is it odd to use a name that’s hers yet tethered to the past? Reddit weighs in, and we’re unraveling this heartfelt saga.

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‘How weird would it be if I (F29) gave a new, solo baby my ex (M27) husband’s last name?’

I posted a few days with a bunch of drama. My now ex fiancé got me pregnant and blocked me on everything. He had a vasectomy and I had my iud removed; we proceeded and I got pregnant. He tried to force me to have an a**rtion the last few days, but when I refused, he blocked me. Good riddance. — I don’t know the quality of his vasectomy. I only know what he told me.

I am going forward with the pregnancy on my own. I am divorced, have a child from a previous marriage, and I kept my ex husband’s last name. Our child had that name, so I just didn’t change it. Now, I’ve got this new baby coming, but the last name isn’t originally mine? The father is obviously not going to be involved.

Would it be crazy for me to give the baby another man’s last name? I don’t really want to go back to my maiden name because my dad was uninvolved too. Ages ago, I asked my ex husband if I could have a baby alone and give it his name and he said it was fine. I said it as a kind of joke but now it seems like some cruel irony.

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I don’t know how he would feel now. Thoughts? I also don’t know how my exes future spouses or girlfriends would feel about it. Please do not encourage me to get an a**rtion because I’ve already decided to keep the baby. I have no problems providing for the child, and I’m already emotionally attached.

This woman’s last-name quandary is less about logistics and more about reclaiming her narrative. Choosing her current last name—legally hers, shared with her older child—offers continuity and unity for her family. Her ex-fiancé’s abandonment and her ex-husband’s distant approval make this a deeply personal choice, not a legal tangle. Still, the emotional weight of using a name tied to a past marriage stirs doubt.

Naming a child shapes their identity. Psychologist Dr. Susan Bartell notes, “A shared family name can foster belonging, especially in single-parent homes.” Here, giving the baby her last name aligns her children, reinforcing stability. Yet, as some Reddit users shared, children may later question a name linked to a non-biological father, especially if family dynamics shift.

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The broader issue is autonomy in single motherhood. About 40% of U.S. births are to unmarried mothers, many navigating naming decisions alone. This woman’s choice reflects a stand for self-determination. She could consult her ex-husband to avoid future tension but isn’t obligated to, as the name is legally hers. A family therapist could help her process lingering doubts.

She might discuss her decision with her older child to gauge their feelings and consider a new family name for a fresh start, as one user suggested.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s crew rallied with empathy and practical advice, serving up a mix of support and cautionary tales. Here’s what they had to say, straight from the heart:

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Rude-Royal-5043 − It’s your last name. You never changed it back to your maiden so it is essentially your last name. Which means the baby would have the same last name as you. Just don’t go putting your ex husband on the birth certificate lol! jk

Comfortable-Ad-2223 − Many years ago, a guy told me he had a vasectomy and I got pregnant. He left me too because he had a girlfriend of two years and I didn't know, but later I found out he didn't even had the vasectomy and just lied to me because 'I want you to enjoy s** without worrying about anything'. Yeah those were his words.

HelloJunebug − It’s legally your last name, I don’t see why you wouldn’t use your legal last name for your child.

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SnooWords4839 − You are giving your baby, your current name.. Make sure to file for child support on the baby daddy.

JCMidwest −  I kept my ex husband’s last name.. To clarify, the question is this: Would it be weird for your baby to use your last name? Thats what is expected if you don't want to give the child its fathers last name, and no reason to involve your ex husband it doesn't impact him or have anything to do with him.

Blue-eagle-23 − It’s still your last name too, so if not your current last name what would you use? Certainly not the guy that walked away and blocked you. It actually seems logical to me to use your current last name.

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Specialist-Host-4707 − OK, let me be clear, he had a vasectomy? Like a real vasectomy or just a pretend one? It is possible for the vas to grow back, but that takes a long time and in the last 20 years, mine hasn’t. Regardless of who baby daddy is if there’s no father in the picture and you can give them whatever name you want.

Merriwomanx3 − I gave my middle son my married last name (NOT husband's bio child) instead of my maiden because I wanted him to match me and my oldest. My son wishes I'd not done this.

catlady_at_heart − I grew up with a last name from this exact situation. I was given the last name of my older brothers’ dad, my mother’s ex-husband, who was not my father. I always hated it and wished I had my mother’s maiden name as a last name. I also didn’t like my brother’s dad though,

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my brothers always got to go out to eat with him once a week and I wasn’t allowed, so I was jealous since I didn’t get to go out much, and my dad wasn’t in the picture. Now as an adult though, I can see why my mom kept the same last name as my brothers’.

cultoccult − Maybe you all just need a new last name

These Reddit takes are a mixed bag of wisdom and warnings. Is the last name a simple choice or a loaded legacy?

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This story of a name and a new beginning shows how deeply personal choices ripple through a family. Our solo mom’s leaning toward her current last name to unite her kids, but the shadow of her past lingers. With Reddit’s insights and her own heart guiding her, she’s carving a path forward. So, readers, what’s your take? Would you keep the name, reclaim your maiden name, or start fresh? How would you shape your family’s identity? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep the convo flowing!

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