How do I tell my 28f bf 32m I don’t want to go to our baby shower?
At 33 weeks pregnant, a woman should be nesting, not navigating family drama. Yet, her mother-in-law’s steamrolling—planning a baby shower she didn’t want, excluding her family, and dismissing her son’s commitments—has left her drained. After a grueling day at the hospital for her mother’s surgery, the thought of attending this Saturday event, packed with her MIL’s coworkers and church friends, feels unbearable. Her boyfriend, torn by his mother’s tantrums, supports her but struggles to confront the issue, leaving her to weigh skipping the party entirely.
This isn’t just about a party; it’s a battle for autonomy amid pregnancy and grief. Her exhaustion and desire to prioritize her family resonate with anyone facing overbearing in-laws. Readers may feel her strain, wondering how to assert boundaries when family expectations clash with personal limits.
‘How do I tell my 28f bf 32m I don’t want to go to our baby shower?’
The MIL’s behavior—planning a baby shower without the mother’s input, claiming the baby as “hers,” and dismissing the couple’s commitments—crosses into controlling territory. Her insensitivity, like scheduling over the woman’s son’s competition and her mother’s surgery, prioritizes her ego over the family’s needs. The woman’s reluctance to attend, compounded by physical and emotional exhaustion, is a natural response to boundary violations. Her boyfriend’s distress signals a need for him to step up, but his mother’s manipulation stifles his resolve.
Overbearing in-laws strain 30% of new parents’ relationships, often requiring firm boundaries to restore balance (Journal of Family Issues). Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, notes, “Clear, united boundaries from both partners are crucial to curb in-law overreach, especially during pregnancy” (The Love Doctor). The MIL’s exclusion of the woman’s family and comments about throwing a separate party reveal a power play, not celebration.
The woman can skip the shower, citing her mother’s recovery or exhaustion, but her boyfriend must deliver the message to avoid framing her as the villain. A text like, “We’re prioritizing family needs post-surgery,” keeps it factual. Long-term, the couple needs a united front: low contact with the MIL, clear rules for future events, and therapy to navigate her influence. The woman’s plan for a separate shower with her family is a smart reclaiming of agency. Joining communities like r/JustNoMIL, as suggested, can offer coping strategies.
Check out how the community responded:
The Reddit crew charged in like a protective village, slamming the MIL’s selfishness and urging the woman to prioritize her well-being. It was a mix of outrage and practical advice, with users sharing tales of boundary-setting with in-laws. Here’s their unfiltered take:
![[Reddit User] − Send your bf since the party is for his family and you are just the vessel, and clearly not a person anyone cares about or respects. The party is for them. The party is for your boyfriend. The party is for their family.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/183017cm-21.png)
Redditors rallied for the woman to skip the shower, emphasizing her right to say “no” and her boyfriend’s role in handling his mother. Their support validates her stress, but does it fully address the fallout risk, or just fuel her resolve? One thing’s clear: this baby shower saga’s sparked a call for empowerment.
This pregnant woman’s struggle to escape her MIL’s unwanted baby shower highlights the toll of overbearing family during a vulnerable time. Skipping the event could reclaim her peace, but it demands her boyfriend’s backbone to shield her from backlash. Boundaries now will shape her family’s future. Have you faced an in-law who hijacked a milestone? How did you reclaim control without burning bridges? Share your thoughts below.
