How do I (36M) make my wife (38F) tell me who is sending food to her at her workplace on an daily basis?

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A husband’s lovingly prepared meals go untouched, replaced by mysterious daily deliveries of gourmet food to his wife’s workplace. For a 36-year-old man, what began as a quirky client gesture morphed into a daily ritual shrouded in secrecy, with his wife dodging questions about the sender while flaunting the tailored treats. Her dismissive taunts and refusal to clarify, even knowing his past scars from infidelity, turn a minor annoyance into a gnawing betrayal, unraveling a decade of trust.

This Reddit tale dives into a chilling saga of suspicion, secrecy, and shattered vows. Was he wrong to demand answers, or did her evasiveness hide a darker truth? Let’s unravel this haunting story of doubt and discovery.

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‘How do I (36M) make my wife (38F) tell me who is sending food to her at her workplace on an daily basis?’

Details? This is a first, since in 10 years together there hasn't been a single 'jealously' induced fight since neither of us are of the jealous type. I was cheated pretty bad by another person, she knows this and knows I'm insecure about it, so we both are pretty open about our friends and families to avoid misunderstandings between us, till she started to get all secretive with this specific matter.

She stopped eating the food I cook for her because 'someone' pays for her food now. The catch? There aren't any co-workers in her office. She does consultation at her own little one-person place and everything else is managed off-site by the company she's working for. Now, why I'm making a big deal out of it?

It was not a big deal till it was; I was super happy for her because maybe some client were so satisfied with the service that they sent her food in grattitude. It was a bimonthly occurence at best and she used to tell me e.g. 'HEY! this client sent me some starbucks! NICE!' or 'wow other client's mother made me a sandwich and some jello!',

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but then it became bi-weekly and then she stopped 'knowing' who sent her the now expensive food, and nowadays it's daily; she always returns my food to me when she gets home, gone all bad because she didn't eat any. I don't make a big deal

but I stopped making jokes about it like 'hey tell them to send some for me too!' or things like that because it started to annoy me that she doesn't eat my food and let it go bad (i'm a pretty good cook and I HATE wasting food) and it got weird when she started to show off that the food 'someone' sent to her is better(costly and restaurant-made)

It started as an annoyance about wasting food, but what triggered my insecurity about this is that one day, after she sent me the ussual picture I told to her 'SURPRISE! I got ahead and sent you that from Y place!', and she replied, all annoyed 'HAHA, funny. I KNOW it wasn't you ;)'. Told her 'who is it then?' her answer? 'uhmmm i don't know'. So she doesn't believe it was me, but doesn't know who it was...

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The second catch? They always send her things pretty specific to her likings. I may be paranoid, but most items she gets are things that she HAS to tell someone she likes, since it is not 'generic' expensive food, but menu items catered to her palate or drinks prepared exactly how she likes them.

She could be ordering herself, but she denies it like it would kill her to tell me! She knows I don't mind, I just don't want wasting food. If she's ordering food for herself, why doesn't she tell me? I told her it wouldn't be a problem since that way I can save food at home and won't wake up as early, but she still denies and still 'doesn't know who it is'.

It's the first time I get this type of treatment from her. Why be so secretive about some food? She knows it gets worse if you hide this type of deals instead of being just open about it like 'it's some weird client obsessed with sending me food'

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or 'it's my mom/brother/friend/the company' like, she could've lied like that and it would be enough to stop me from asking her every time 'nice, but who is sending you this??', and instead decided being all misterious and mischievous about it..

TLDR; Wife started constantly showing off to me that 'someone' sends food to her at her workplace from expensive places, on an almost daily basis, and doesn't want to tell me who it is. She knows I wont mind if she tells me she's ordering for herself, but she denies it.

The daily food deliveries, tailored to the wife’s specific tastes and shrouded in secrecy, set off alarm bells for this husband, whose trust was already scarred by past infidelity. Her refusal to identify the sender, paired with provocative comments like “I KNOW it wasn’t you ;)”, suggests deliberate manipulation, possibly to provoke jealousy or maintain control. The escalation to verbal abuse when questioned—insulting him and his family—reveals a defensive guilt, later confirmed by her confession of multiple affairs, including with an ex who sent the food. This betrayal, uncovered after a decade of marriage, transforms a quirky mystery into a devastating breach of trust.

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A 2021 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that secretive behaviors in marriages, especially when paired with flaunting external attention, often signal emotional or physical infidelity, eroding trust irreparably. The wife’s choice to flaunt the deliveries while dismissing her husband’s cooking and concerns aligns with this pattern, exploiting his known insecurities.

Dr. Shirley Glass, an infidelity expert, notes, “Secrecy is the hallmark of betrayal; openness is the antidote.” Glass’s insight underscores the wife’s failure to maintain the transparency they’d agreed upon, making her abusive outburst a desperate deflection. The husband’s calm response and decision to leave show remarkable restraint, but the emotional toll—sadness, fatigue, and nausea—signals a grieving process for the marriage he thought he had.

The broader situation reflects a marriage undermined by hidden affairs, with the food deliveries as a symptom of deeper disloyalty. He should prioritize self-care, leaning on friends and family, as Reddit suggested, and seek therapy to process the trauma. Legal consultation is crucial to protect his assets and clarify next steps, whether divorce or separation. STD testing, as advised, is a prudent health precaution. Moving forward, rebuilding trust in future relationships will require partners who value transparency.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit users dove into this mystery with a mix of suspicion, outrage, and sitcom-worthy disbelief, their instincts proven right by the wife’s shocking confession. Was the food a harmless gift or a glaring red flag? Here’s what the community brought to the table:

stevencri − Nobody is sending food, especially expensive food, to their friend every single day. Whoever is doing it is romantically interested in her. And she fully knows who it is, don’t be naive. She won’t tell you who because she either likes the food, likes the attention, or both. Hopefully there’s nothing more going on than some free food.

EDIT: To all who keep replying speculating what happened — OP already updated in the comments. His wife cheated many times with many people over the years. The person sending food was her ex, who she’s hooked up with many times since their marriage. I suggest you read his comment his (hopefully ex) wife went mental

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Toelee08 − Dude this is so weird. She’s playing some kind of mind game with you. If she didn’t wanna tell you who why would she tell you about it at all?? It’s so childish. Like literally something we would do in high school. Hey I got flowers today!! From who?? I duuunnnnooooo ;) it’s always to provoke jealousy.

ThrowRA_Some_Food123 − so uhh this isnt worth its own post. it went begrudgingly? faster than i ancitipated. im with a friend right now, asked him for some space so i could write a little (or a ton), and tomorrow i'll be at my parents. believe it or not, im not angry or destroyed or all that shiz. im just sad and tired and want to puke, and want to write something to vent. excuse my spelling errors.

you are also not gonna believe this. to the person who told me this is almost like a sitcom... what the f**k THIS IS A F**KING SITCOM YOU WERE RIGHT. you'll see why soon. i told and asked her some of the things some of you told me i could say to her BEFORE starting my own 'investigation'.

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im a calm person so usually, doesn't matter the topic i talk about it never comes as rude. this is important because i dont want you to think that i screamed at her or something like that. i dont want you to picture me as a saint, but i'm as non violent as a person can be. her reaction was as bizarre as this whole s**t.

long story short, or short story long, i asked her with why is she accepting food from strangers and she started verbally abusing, and don't worry if you don't believe me, it started out of nowhere. it's lioke she exploded out of f**king nowhere. as i wrote in another comment; yeah we fight like any couple, but she never abused me or insulted me or my family. again, this was a first.

i guess i was not pressing enough or making the correct questions, because i never got this reaction from her before. one of the things she screamed at me was something like 'why the f**k are you pestering me? i bet you never knew a f**king surprise in your whole childhood!

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NO... scratch that, I KNOW you never had a f**king surprise in your whole childhood, so now whenever i get a gift you get all jealous. is that it, right?' then she started a tirade on how my parents where s**t at rising me and everything. i told her that was unprovoked, and that i just wanted her to be carefull when eating outside, even more so if she didn't know where te food comes from.

i'll repeat myself as many times as necessary: we never fought like this, in 10 years she never screamed at me or insulted me like this. i told her to please not insult me or my parents because i'm just trying to talk. she screamed 'THEN WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM MEEEEEEE' and, guys, i told her the stupidest thing ever.

'to please eat my food. or tell me whenever you are gonna eat outside so i wont cook'. her answer? 'THEN DONT F**KING COOK FOR FUCKS SAKE' i asked her to please stop screaming at me, and told her that it wasnt like that. i was concerned that she was receiving food without knowing the source and i didnt like wasting food (at this point i was still acting as if everything was about she not eating my food).

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that whole interchange lasted less than 15 minutes, but it was enough to trigger her like i've never seen before in 10 years. **i'll omit like 2 hours and a half of details because i don't want to write a f**king bible. i'll just go for the most important bits for me.**

ThrowRA_Some_Food123 − she here brb. see you whenever i can make an update but don't expect anything. i still hope the answer i may find is lame and uninteresting.

ThrowRA_Some_Food123 − Are update posts allowed here, right? As per rule 5 if I understand correctly. She's about to come home in an hour or so, so I'll try to talk to her seriously one last time before getting matters on my own hands; I don't like snooping but most of you recommend I will have to if I want some real answers, even if it means hiring a PI or following people around.

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I'll update whenever I can after the allowed time (rule 5 says 48 hours after first post). I hope the possible update is uninteresting, also it's probable I'll update with another throwaway account because I just made this one on impulse and the password is pure b**lshit I can't remember.

MadTownMich − Bizarre. Sit down with her and tell her that this has gone too far. It’s not funny. It’s not mysterious. It is causing a serious rift in your marriage that could lead to a break. She either tells you truthfully what is going on, or your marriage is in trouble.

JCMidwest − Randomly show up at her office during her lunch and see how she reacts, or if she is alone

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MokSea − Stop playing the game.. 1. Stop making her lunch. 2. Tell her to stop telling you about her gifted lunches. If she won’t, then don’t respond. It will possibly be difficult not to but, quit feeding her need to keep you guessing. It’s not cute or healthy behavior. Especially in marriage.

3. Sit her down and communicate how this behavior is affecting you and your marriage. If she refuses to explain this weird behavior about these lunches then tell her that you will need her to attend marriage counseling with you.. This is no way to live in a marriage partnership.

That_Buy110 − Obviously this is someone interested in her, that is the most likely explanation. And she clearly knows who it is, and does not want you to know who it is (which is what should concern you even more). Your next question is, 'is this only food'. She is not going to tell you, you are going to have to find out.

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And it is best you find out yourself before you confront her at this point anyhow. You have already confronted her, she (most likely) lied about it. So at this point any confrontation with her will only make her more secretive, send it deeper underground and more hidden. So you need to find out. You start out with your gut.

Has anything else been off? Do a general survey. Any odd expenses lately? How is she treating her phone (secretive with it, extra texting at home). How has her work schedule been lately? Has she started working extra hours, working late a bit more often, maybe having to do weekends. Think back when this all started.

Was there a name she mentioned (maybe started coming up) that maybe made you think a bit much, and then was never mentioned again (after the food became more regular). Her phone is the next place you go, (no warning you are doing this, do not let her know). You take a deep dive through that.

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You look at all messages, friends, everyone. There is no way to know what a 'bad' name may be saved as or who she may have mentioned something to. So do a deep dive. Look at pictures. Look at deleted. Look at all programs on the phone, other communication apps may be used. Do a search online on the subject. If you find anything, send yourself the evidence. Do not trust it will be there later.

For this, you may consider a private investigator. Someone who can take a look at her activities. I always think a PI is a bit much, but this may be one of the cases where it matters. I've always kind of felt that this sort of thing is for when you 'know' your spouse is cheating, but you want hard evidence that cannot be denied. Same for most of the other stuff like trackers in cars, sound recordings, that sort of thing.

You can do a generic search online 'how to tell if your wife is cheating' and 'how to catch your wife cheating' for ideas. With any luck your wife is not doing anything really wrong. Maybe flirting a bit with disaster, but not having crossed any lines. Your 'gut' (which is why you are here) is there to give you warning BEFORE those lines are crossed.

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So you can do some investigation, do a real confrontation, and stop things before they go to far. While in the investigation phase you do not want to change anything you are doing, so no warning is given. Keep sending her food, don't bring this up any more.

Give the impression that you have accepted her word. But, later, you need to think about making changes in your life. At the very least it sounds like your wife is taking you for granted, which means you need to start doing some self improvement.

[Reddit User] − Just ask her if the free food is worth destroying the trust and foundation of the marriage. I would first look through her phone. You're not crazy, this is a red flag. There are most likely other red flags you may have overlooked.

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These Reddit voices are raw and incisive, but do they fully capture the gravity of this marital collapse or merely spotlight the drama?

This husband’s quest to solve the mystery of his wife’s food deliveries unearthed a devastating truth: a decade-long marriage riddled with infidelity. Her secrecy, manipulative taunts, and abusive outburst were not quirks but symptoms of a deeper betrayal, leaving him to mourn a love that never fully existed.

As he steps away, his resilience offers hope for healing. The broader lesson? Trust thrives on openness, and secrecy is a poison that festers. Have you faced a partner’s hidden truths that upended your life? What would you do in his shoes? Drop your stories in the comments and let’s keep this vital conversation alive!

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