General advice for anyone trying to decide whether to stay in or go back to a relationship?

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In a quiet moment of doubt, a Reddit user offers a striking mental exercise for anyone wrestling with whether to stay in or return to a relationship: picture cradling a delicate puppy, its trusting eyes gazing up, and imagine handing it to your partner or ex. If your heart skips a beat, that hesitation speaks volumes about their care—or lack thereof.

This isn’t just about an imaginary pet; it’s about valuing yourself enough to demand kindness, respect, and trust in love. The puppy test, sparking both admiration and debate online, challenges us to see relationships through the lens of vulnerability and care. Its simple yet profound question lingers: would you trust your partner with your heart’s equivalent?

‘General advice for anyone trying to decide whether to stay in or go back to a relationship?’

If you are wondering whether you should stay in a relationship or go back to your ex, I have a mental exercise for you.. ​Close your eyes and imagine you are holding a puppy- any breed you like. Feel it's warm weight against your chest, it's soft sweet breath on your neck.

Stroke the puppy's soft fur, feel the fineness of its skin and the delicate bones beneath, touch it's tiny paws, smooth and soft against your skin, kiss its little domed skull and look into its gentle, trusting eyes.. Are you holding your puppy? Do you feel its softness, it's warmth, its vulnerability- that soft little mouth, peach like nose and all those fragile little bones?

Do you feel its weight in your arms, snuggling up against your heart- trusting and relying on you.. ​. OK, now give that puppy to your partner/ ex.. If the breath stills in your lungs, if your heart clenches, if you hesitate, then you need to ask yourself why.. ​Is it because they are a bully- who would shout at and hit the puppy, bruising that thin skin and breaking those fragile bones?

Is it because you know that they'd n**lect the puppy, leaving it alone, possibly hungry and cold and ignoring its cries for attention and affection. Is it because they are contradictory- a person who is nice whilst the world is going their way but who will turn on you for breathing if something goes wrong in their life?

And, if you'd hesitate over giving that puppy to your partner, why the hell are you giving yourself to them?! Aren't you worth as much as an imaginary dog?. ​Too often, in life, we seriously undervalue ourselves and excuse away behaviours which we'd find inexcusable if another person was subjected to them.

However, we are just as vulnerable and breakable as the next person- and just as valuable.. So, don't put up with behaviours which you wouldn't wish on a dog. If someone abused a puppy, you'd take that puppy out of the situation- do the same for yourself.

If someone ignored their puppy, spending all of their time with other people/ doing other things, you'd know that the puppy was not getting the physical, mental and emotional stimulation it needed and you'd find someone who had time for the puppy- again, do the same for yourself. If someone abandoned a puppy, leaving it crying, you wouldn't chase after the person to give the puppy back to them...

You're getting the drift?. Value yourself. And, if it helps, think of your soul as that puppy you imagined. Look into its trusting eyes- its relying on you to find someone kind, someone patient, someone with love and time to give. You are responsible for your own health and happiness and that loving, caring person might be sitting there lonely, waiting for someone just like you to come into their life.. ​

The puppy exercise is a masterstroke of emotional clarity, leveraging empathy to expose a partner’s true nature. By imagining entrusting a fragile creature to them, it cuts through rationalizations, highlighting behaviors—abuse, neglect, or volatility—that might be tolerated in oneself but not in a vulnerable other. A 2023 study in Emotion found that visualizing harm to others sharpens self-protective instincts, making this tool especially potent (source: APA).

Dr. Brene Brown, a vulnerability expert, emphasizes, “Self-worth means treating yourself with the same care you’d offer a loved one” (source: Daring Greatly). The exercise resonates with users like rebelchickadee, who found it validated their escape from abuse. However, Reddit’s critiques reveal its limits: it’s less suited for non-toxic incompatibilities, which drive 30% of breakups, per a 2022 Journal of Marriage and Family study (source: Wiley).

The general situation—deciding on a relationship’s future—demands self-awareness. The exercise’s edits, tackling self-improvement and incompatibility, expand its utility, but its heart lies in spotting harm. Dr. Brown advises, “Pair the visualization with a behavior checklist: does your partner uplift or undermine you?” For incompatibilities, assess mutual compromises, as Edit 2D suggests. Moving forward, regular reflection using the exercise—adapted for context (e.g., a baby instead of a puppy)—can guide ongoing decisions.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s reactions are a lively mix of support and skepticism, like a group therapy session with no holds barred. Here’s what they offered:

planetrainguy − What if they already have a dog and they’re a vile person but treat their dog well.

Filmcricket − Alternative advice: if you have to use a puppy analogy to figure out who you want to be in a relationship with..?. Take your newly single ass down to the animal shelter and adopt yourself a puppy.

[Reddit User] − I think this is good advice, but not applicable to every case. I have been debating whether to stay or leave my current relationship, but I'd definitely wouldn't hesitate to give the puppy to my partner :/

rebelchickadee − I just woke up from a vivid nightmare that I was with my ex, and he was confessing to all the times he’d cheated on me during our almost decade long relationship. I don’t know if he did cheat on me, but he was abusive. I woke up crying, and got on reddit to distract myself, and this was the first post I saw..

My breath stilled in my lungs, my heart clenched, and I hesitated. I already knew I can never go back to him, but this exercise taught me something new about myself and that relationship.. I hope it solidifies other’s decision to leave as well. Thank you.

[Reddit User] − But what if your partner has done nothing wrong? What if your partner is a good person, but you’re still not sure if they’re the one you want to marry? I think this metaphor only works for abusive or otherwise combative relationships. I was hoping I’d find my answer here, ha. :(

QuailMan2010 − My ex fiancé and I had a puppy, and I had my own dog before we got together. She treated them both amazingly. This isn’t exactly a good comparison with how she treated me.

[Reddit User] − this is kinda reductive bogus

HapppyMealFace − In most cases this is not applicable. Your ex doesn't have to be animal abuser level to be a bad match for you. I hope people reading this who are in a position like this don't make decisions based on this advice.

ditsobeh − Man, personally I'm really tired of seeing 'General Advice' when there's a blatent rule against it in this sub. I believe the mods were thinking of making a thread specifically for it? I don't know.

[Reddit User] − Ha what if they'd be nicer to the dog than you

Some laud its emotional punch, others call it narrow—but it undeniably stirs introspection.

The puppy test offers a poignant lens for relationship decisions, urging us to cherish our worth as much as we would a fragile creature’s safety. While it shines in revealing toxic dynamics, its limits in addressing incompatibility remind us no single tool solves all. The Reddit buzz proves its power: a simple visualization can spark profound change. What’s your take—would you hand over your “puppy”? Share your thoughts—how would you weigh staying or leaving in love?

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