For telling my MIL she’s not welcome in our home anymore?

How far would you go to protect your home and recovery when a family member’s addiction keeps pushing boundaries? One couple, both in recovery themselves, faced repeated break-ins from a homeless mother-in-law struggling with severe substance use.

Initial empathy gave way to firm action after escalating incidents threatened their safety, pets, and sobriety. This tough decision sparked accusations of hypocrisy and heartbreak. The situation underscores the painful reality of balancing compassion with self-preservation in families affected by addiction.

‘For telling my MIL she’s not welcome in our home anymore?’

The challenges began with small signs of unauthorized entry into the home.

So a few weeks ago I noticed when I would come home that stuff would be out of place. One time our stove was left on. Another time our cat...

Then there was the time our front door was unlocked and our front window was wide open. So I decided to get some security cameras.

Camera footage soon revealed the source of the intrusions.

A few days later I got an alert that someone was outside our home, the camera is facing right at our front door. So I pulled up the video feed...

She was trying to open the door, then she was looking under the mat for a key and didn’t find one so she went out of view for a couple...

and walked up to the front window and used the stick to pry the board out of the window that we use to hold it open just enough for the...

Now I was pissed for sure, but my MIL is homeless (she tried living with us for about a year but we had to kick her out because she kept...

so I tried to be empathetic and let it slide since she just went inside and made herself something to eat. Next time I saw her I asked her to...

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I held back because I didn’t want to upset my wife. However I reached my breaking point when I checked the cameras one day and she had got inside through...

Meanwhile our dog who has seizures is sitting right next to her in a cloud of smoke. I was extremely mad. And the next time I saw her I told...

She told me I was an a__hole because she’s homeless and a h__ocrite because I used to get high too. That made me even more mad and I didn’t budge....

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That’s a big reason I let it slide so many times too. I don’t want her to hurt but I also don’t want someone in our home who disrespects literally...

In a positive update, the couple took steps to secure their space and set clearer protections.

Update: I had a talk with my wife. We agreed that if she ever shows up without one of us there we will call the cops. We also got a...

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We also are having a security system installed next week. If it’s tripped it will contact the local PD. I also talked to a cop friend of mine (he used...

and he said he will keep an eye on our place when he’s in the area, so that’s cool. He knows my MIL and he knows the person she brought...

And we also are putting up a 7ft steel privacy fence all the way around our property in the near future complete with a gate, but that’s not going to...

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All that being said, I think we will be ok. This show isn’t completely over and if anything else happens I will do another update. Thanks everyone.

The central issue involves repeated boundary violations through break-ins, escalating to drug use in the home. The poster, protecting their recovery and household, banned the mother-in-law after warnings failed. Guilt arose from her homelessness and the wife’s emotional pain, while accusations highlighted past shared addiction struggles.

The poster showed patience rooted in empathy and fear of hurting their spouse. The mother-in-law’s actions stemmed from desperation and denial common in active addiction. Communication broke down as requests were ignored, eroding trust and safety for everyone involved.

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As noted in resources from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, “setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.” This rings true here—allowing continued access risked relapse, pet harm, and legal issues, showing how unchecked enabling prolongs harmful cycles without aiding recovery.

Practical steps include documenting incidents and involving authorities calmly when boundaries are crossed. Couples can discuss plans unitedly in advance. Support groups like Nar-Anon offer tools for detachment with love. Consistent enforcement, paired with self-care, rebuilds security over time.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Social media reactions poured in with near-universal support for the poster’s firm stance. Users emphasized the dangers of ongoing access and urged stronger protections without delay.

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Many commenters agreed the poster was not at fault and stressed the need for immediate police involvement next time.

jjwax − NTA, but I fear if locked doors and security cameras don’t tell her she’s not welcome, your words will fall on deaf ears

ProfessionSanity − She's k__ling your pets! Next time she breaks in please call the police.

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jjjjjjj30 − NTA- But I would go ahead and have a conversation with your wife about what the next step is going to be bc it's likely your MIL isn't...

I suspect you're going to have to eventually involve the police and I know you don't want to upset your wife. Hopefully together you can come up with a solution...

JobobTexan − NTA, You did what you had to do after giving MIL many chances.

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Cannabis_CatSlave − NTA Next time she does it, call the cops and turn over the video footage. Then MiL won't have to worry about being homeless anymore.

[Reddit User] − NTA- tell her next time you’ll call the Police to report a break in.

MNConcerto − NTA, call the police. Stop enabling her.

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Others highlighted risks to pets, property, and sobriety, warning that tolerance could worsen the situation.

TarzanKitty − Keep your cat indoors full time and completely secure your house. Indoor cats have significantly longer lifespans so it is the best for your cat anyway.

catsandplants424 − She will bring more meth friends and they will start to stealing from you. My sister is a meth addict.

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You need to have a good long talk with your wife and then make it clear to MIL if you see her go into your house again your calling the...

Beautiful-Report58 − You are inviting meth addicts to break into your home. Like, you have a welcome mat and tour guide too. Think more of yourself.

Stop degrading yourself by saying you used to be just like her. You’re not now. Reinforce the window locks. Call the police the next time she attempts to break in....

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A few focused on enabling dynamics and practical reinforcements to prevent future incidents.

[Reddit User] − There are so many negatives to this it is scary. Besides damage to your home, threats to you and your pets safety, and theft, you need to...

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You have to report it to the police to cover your own b__t. Just file a report. And notify them next time you see her on security cameras. Let them...

bippboppboo − It’s hard for your wife but remind her a part of loving someone is not enabling their behaviour and putting boundaries in place

MrsMurphysCow − You will only be an AH if you don't report MIL's continuous break-ins at your home to the police. By letting her break into your home to smoke...

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Right now, you and your wife are enabling her to remain a criminal. She will eventually begin stealing from you, and then your neighbors. You and your wife could very...

Witty_Collection9134 − Get a wedge lock for your window. This will stop the window from opening further.

GrannyB1970 − Call the cops next time. I mean it's not only her, but other people she's allowing to break into your house. Who knows what they might steal. NTA...

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This account illustrates the harsh necessity of strict boundaries when addiction leads to dangerous intrusions. Prioritizing safety and sobriety over endless second chances protects recovery and prevents further harm. Tough love, backed by security measures, can create space for everyone to face consequences.

Would you call authorities immediately on a family member breaking in, even if it meant potential arrest? How do you support a partner grieving a parent’s addiction while enforcing no-contact rules?

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