Dad [55M] Refuses to Pay for My [27M] Wedding and Turns My Fiancé Against Me.

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a tight-knit community buzzing with wedding talk, a young man’s dreams of a grand celebration unravel as his father’s bold promises crumble. For a year, the father bragged to hundreds about funding an extravagant wedding, only to pull the rug out, leaving his son scrambling and his fiancé’s family frustrated. Worse, he sows discord, pitting the couple against each other while tightening his financial grip, turning love’s joy into a battle for freedom.

This saga of broken pledges and family control tugs at the heart, pulling readers into a storm of betrayal and resilience. The man’s struggle, caught between cultural expectations and his father’s manipulations, mirrors the quiet fights many face in family dynamics. As tensions flare and truths surface, this story invites us to explore the cost of chasing independence when love and loyalty collide.

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‘Dad [55M] Refuses to Pay for My [27M] Wedding and Turns My Fiancé Against Me.‘

I’m not complaining because my dad doesn’t wanna pay for the wedding. It’s more that in our culture the father usually pays and he explicitly and many many times has told everyone including my fiances family that he is going to do a crazy wedding for us.

He regularly sends them pictures and videos of the crazy stuff he is going to pay for at the wedding. When me and him argue about what he pays me ($600 weekly) working for him, he pretty much tells me shut up I’m paying for your stupid wedding. Most of the time that has won the argument.

He knows on my salary I could never pay my own wedding. My car insurance is $400 a month and my health insurance is $300 a month. The truck I drive to do work for him costs in gas $240 a month. I obviously go on dates with my fiancé and I eat out because most of the time I’m on the road so I’m lucky if I’m able to save $1000 a month.

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An average wedding here is 30-40k. It would take me 3 years to save that. I have saved 20k which is enough for me to move out buy furniture and put a security deposit but I can’t pay for a wedding and move out. He kept saying we will see I’ll talk to the venue I’ll leave a deposit but he never does anything about it.

The guy at the venue gave us a deadline till today or he gives his last date to someone else. My fiances family is getting annoyed and is now insisting we do the wedding overseas for around 3-5k. When I told my dad he got mad and said it would cost the family way more to buy tickets to go there.

My fiancé decided to go sit down and talk to him herself. He spent the whole time trying to turn her on me. First he told her I take a lot of “medications and order a lot of pills on amazon”. To which she responded yes he does he orders vitamins he takes daily we share an amazon account.

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Then he said he carries them around in a pill container. She said yes I ordered that for him because he used to take them on an empty stomach this allows him to take them to work and take them after lunch. Then he said well you know a few years ago my son made me put a $10,000 deposit for a girl he was engaged to for a wedding so I’m a little hesitant this time.

He put $4,000 down (even my siblings who were there vouched for this) and he knows we broke it off because she was cheating on me. Then she asked him if he ever plans on giving me a raise because $600 a week for someone living on their own is realistically not enough.

He walked around the question and said well he is still learning and not doing enough work around here (there’s not enough work business has been dead). She asked if he could help me find another job to which he said he needs me to help him. I’ve been “helping” him the past 10 years.

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I went from $400 , $500 , $600 weekly and haven’t had a raise in 5 years. I once got a job for 70k a year and he got so mad he all of a sudden wanted me to pay rent 2k a month to him. Help with taxes $500 monthly. My own car insurance. He also wanted the truck back that be bought me.

He knew I had no savings to move out (because of my low pay). And no savings to buy a car. What bothers me the most is all this time he has been going around telling all our friends and family of this extravagant wedding he has planned for me and my fiancé. Only to now tell me he can no longer pay for it.

He says he has no money. He just bought my sister a car for 50k and regularly has bought garbage he says he needs from auctions around 60k this year all just rotting away in his warehouse. Even my mom is telling me she knows he has money.

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My fiancé was thinking maybe he doesn’t like her but I’ve caught him so many times telling his friends how amazing she and her family are. I don’t know how to feel about my father. Would I be messed up to just throw a small ceremony and cut him off?

A father’s empty wedding vows and manipulative tactics reveal a toxic grip on his son’s life. By boasting about funding a grand wedding only to back out, while controlling his son’s finances and sowing discord with his fiancé, he’s wielding financial abuse, not fatherly care. The son’s low pay and inability to break free underscore a deliberate power play.

Financial abuse is insidious. A 2023 National Domestic Violence Hotline report notes that 99% of domestic abuse cases involve financial control, often through restricting income or imposing unreasonable demands, like the father’s threats when his son sought a better job.

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Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, in a 2022 Psychology Today article, states, “Financial control is a tool to trap victims, eroding autonomy.” The father’s lies about past deposits and his son’s “medications” aim to destabilize the couple’s trust.

The son should secure a new job discreetly, use his $20,000 savings to move out, and plan a modest wedding, perhaps overseas as his fiancé’s family suggests. Consulting a lawyer to protect his assets and seeking therapy to navigate this betrayal can pave the way for independence and a stronger marriage.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit gang charged in like a wedding crashers’ brigade, unloading fiery support and no-nonsense advice. From calling out the father’s abuse to urging a swift exit, their takes are a spicy mix of outrage and empowerment. Here’s the raw scoop:

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Fit_Squirrel_4604 − It has nothing to do with liking your fiancé or not. He doesn't want his slave to leave. Yes, that's right, slave. He's financially abusing you. Take your soon to be inlaws advice and do your wedding cheaper and get out of there. Also start looking for a new job asap. Once you have one set up, tell Daddio to go pound sand. 

WildlyUninteresting − Why don't you have the 70K job? Why would you not take it?. Why do you need your dad to get another job?

vaderssaber2024 − You need to find another job first. You are meekly letting your father financially control you. S**ew him. I don’t even know why you’d trust anything form him at this point. Why not just elope like her family suggested overseas. You need to cut the cord from your selfish dad. Say it with me “So long Dad. I’m my own man”

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PanickedPoodle − You should be independent *before* you get married. . Get your own job and place. Then discuss how you and your fiance want to plan/fund your wedding. . My guess is that your dad is saving face, but that his business is failing. 

redriverrally − An honest answer, can you handle it and follow through.? Have your wedding overseas as your future in-laws suggest. Either your dad pulls the money out of his ass and attends or not.. Me personally would elope and everyone can attend a nice reception afterwards.

ale473 − You allow your father to financially control you, time to find your backbone, and forge your own path in life. You see the pattern in his behaviour and know he isn't going to change, so only you can change the relationship dynamics.

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Get your own job, use some of the money you have saved to get a banger car for the first few months, then begin to build your fully independent life, while being low contact with your father. I would also suggest therapy so you stop playing into his hands.. Does you fiancée want a big wedding? If not then elope and have a party on your return.

phishydawg − Wow. There are some brutal answers here. One thing is right though; your father is financially controlling you. It’s actually a form of abuse. That must be really hard to think about and hear. It would be a good idea to speak to your fiancé and decide what you want to do.

It could be that you use your savings somehow to get you free of the control of your childhood home. If you could plan a job and the start of renting somewhere cheap, you could save with your fiancé, put together your finances and decide the kind of wedding you want.

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It could be a smaller one for now and a larger celebration at a later date.. I hope you post an update and I can read how it all turns out. Just be prepared for some tricky moments with your dad. He will not be happy and is likely to show some fireworks.

Western_Hunt485 − And a kind warning. Do not tell him your plan until everything is firm and in place. There is no telling what he would do if he knew about it before he needs to

Old-Ninja-113 − You are acting like a teenager. You need to get your own job away from your family. Smarten up - get a backbone. Weddings are only for a few hours - not worth the $. He’s trying to keep you under his thumb. Break away. You’re 27 - not a child! You’ve got to do it though or stick in his world

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Overall-Scholar-4676 − If you can’t stand up and say enough to your dad how do you think this marriage will go.. it’s time to cut the cord with dad and stop making the excuses.. he won’t change until you put your foot down..

These Redditors rally behind the son’s fight for freedom, but do their bold plans cut through the chaos or just stir the family pot? One thing’s clear: this tale of broken promises and control has everyone shouting for justice and independence.

This story weaves a raw tale of a wedding dream crushed by a father’s lies and financial chains, pushing a young man to reclaim his future. His courage to face this betrayal, backed by his fiancé’s loyalty, sparks hope, but the path to independence demands tough choices. Cutting ties or scaling back the wedding could redefine his life. Have you ever had to break free from a family member’s control to pursue your dreams? Share your stories below!

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