Expecting dad here. After my wife and I babysat her niece I’ve realized that I’m not prepared AT ALL. How do I tell my wife just how terrified I am?

In a cozy living room, a young man stares at a tiny diaper, his hands trembling as if defusing a bomb. For this 26-year-old dad-to-be, babysitting his wife’s lively two-year-old niece was supposed to be a fun preview of parenthood. Instead, it became a chaotic wake-up call, leaving him drowning in self-doubt. His wife, a natural with kids from her big family, laughed off his struggles, but the weight of impending fatherhood hit him hard. How can he confess his terror without dimming her confidence in him?

This relatable tale of parenting panic resonates with anyone who’s ever felt unprepared for life’s big moments. With a baby due in February, he’s grappling with the fear of failing his child and his capable wife. Let’s dive into his story, explore expert insights, and see how the Reddit community weighs in on his heartfelt dilemma.

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‘Expecting dad here. After my wife and I babysat her niece I’ve realized that I’m not prepared AT ALL. How do I tell my wife just how terrified I am?’

I’m 26, my wife is 24, and we’ve been together for almost 10 years. Now we are expecting our first baby who’s due in February! I’ll try to keep this as brief as I can haha. So my wife grew up in a really big family (six children) and has been surrounded by babies and children all of her life.

Me on the other hand, I have just one brother (who’s only two years younger), and I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t know a lot of babies growing up? Haha. It's very obvious her experience level compared to mine. Anyway, a week or so ago we were babysitting her two year old niece for the night (she’s super involved in the lives of her nieces and nephews).

Her niece is two years old. At some point, I went to change her diaper, and it just shocked me how difficult it was. She was pooping WHILE I was trying to change it, I couldn’t even get the diaper on the right way, I don’t know, it was just a mess. And then my wife came to help me and she immediately was like ahhh what are you doing?!

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I guess I didn’t wipe her properly, or wipe her enough, and my wife was going on about how she could get infections, something that didn’t even cross my mind. I just felt so stupid and like I could do nothing right. After that, my wife started to laugh, and was like “just wait and see if we have a son and he pees on you while you’re changing him, or when our baby pukes all over you”.

It just hit me like a wall of bricks at that moment. Like, I am not ready. I’m not the father my baby deserves or the father my wife deserves. I know absolutely nothing about taking care of a baby, or more importantly, raising a whole human being. I normally tell my wife literally everything but I’ve been keeping this from her.

I don’t want her to start doubting my abilities from the get go. I feel like I’m already starting to get that guilt of being in the shadow of a supermom, if that makes sense. How have other dads coped with this feeling? How did you tell your wife/girlfriend without feeling like such a huge disappointment?

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**TL;DR:** after a few failed attempts while babysitting my wife’s two y/o niece, I’ve realized that I’m nowhere near ready to be a dad to our baby. Scared to tell my wife about how I feel because I don’t want her to feel like I’m a disappointment.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Parenthood can feel like stepping into a storm with no umbrella, especially for first-timers like this dad-to-be. His diaper-changing fiasco with his niece exposed a gap in experience, but it’s his fear of disappointing his wife that’s the real hurdle. He’s caught between admiration for her baby-whispering skills and his own sense of inadequacy, a dynamic that’s common in couples with differing backgrounds.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “The transition to parenthood is a critical time for couples. Open communication about fears and vulnerabilities strengthens the partnership” (Gottman Institute). This dad’s hesitation to share his fears risks creating distance, but his desire to be a great father shows promise. Gottman’s research emphasizes that couples who tackle challenges as a team—like learning parenting skills together—build stronger bonds.

The broader issue here is the societal pressure on men to appear confident, even when terrified. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association found that 63% of new fathers reported anxiety about parenting but felt reluctant to admit it (APA). This dad’s story reflects that struggle, amplified by his wife’s expertise. His willingness to learn, though, is a strength.

For solutions, he could start with small steps: watching YouTube tutorials on diaper changes or joining a prenatal class with his wife. Opening up to her, perhaps saying, “I’m scared I won’t measure up, but I want to learn with you,” could turn vulnerability into connection.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of humor and heart to soothe this dad’s nerves. From poop-filled horror stories to tear-jerking tales of daddy-daughter moments, their comments are a rollercoaster of real talk. Here’s a peek at what they had to say.

feasor − I have 4 kids. I’m 36. The last two came as a “buy one get one free” sale. This post made me laugh. I sold my paid off F150 got a f’ing Honda Odyssey. A minivan. You’re never prepared for a baby. Especially the first time, but same story each time around. “How can I have a baby? I can’t even take care of myself.

How do I talk to them? What do I do?!?” Yeah. Every time with slight variations. Just wait until the day you take him/her home. You spend 9 months reading, talking, prepping, going to classes, etc. You get to the hospital, out pops the little s**t machine, they make you watch a few videos and then BAM! Go get your truck.

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Load up the kid. You’re on your own and don’t kill it... what a wild feeling and day you have ahead of you. Stop trying to get ready for it. You can’t. Bring a dad is the most exhausting, stressful, busy time of my life. I’ve never been happier. Bring a dad IS F**KING AMAZING.

My first was a daughter. It was an eye opening experience for me- the first time I “knuckled poop out of a vagina”. I quickly came to realize that vaginas are like cars. They require regular maintenance and special care. They aren’t simply a magical happy place I always thought they were. Front to back. Always. No exceptions.

Then you hit this magic week / month between baby and toddler. It’s awesome. They sleep. They eat. The snuggle. They laugh and smile. You start talking with the wife about #2. So you make the call, pull the goalie and get to work. You’re so caught up in all the awesome s** you’re having that you don’t see your sweet little baby turning in to the demon spawn that is a two year old.

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You will finally realize what’s happening to your sweet little baby - one pregnancy test too late. I have some consolation prize for you... 3 year olds are worse. You should be scared. Nervous. Questioning your ability. That’s what makes the difference between a “dad” and a “father”. It means you care.

It means you understand the weight of what you have coming. Don’t try to figure it all out. Embrace the chaos. It will sooooo be worth it the first time your daughter or son says “I love you daddy”. Last little story - my daughter made me cry like a baby the day before her first day of kindergarten class.

I was snuggling and reading and said “stink bug (my nickname for her) you’re growing up. You’re not daddy’s little girl anymore. You’re a big elementary schooler”. She replied “daddy. No matter how big I get, I’ll always be your little girl”. I cried. Like I did the day she was born.

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Like I did the first day she asked to do “daddy daughter day” and get donuts together on a Saturday morning. Like I did when she hugged me tight after falling off her bike and crying from her first big crash. Like I will when i walk her down the aisle.. Embrace this.

Enjoy this. And take it seriously. Also  don’t fret about your niece. 2 year olds are assholes. I have two of them right now. I know what I’m talking about. Tell your wife you’re scared you’ll s**ew it up. That you don’t know what you’re doing. That you want to be a good husband and a better father.

F**KING COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER! You will have so many more things to discuss in the coming years that REQUIRE radical candor.. Most of all - have fun. Best decision of my life was saying yes to “let’s have a/more kids”

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[Reddit User] − .... you just ... tell her how terrified you are :) You can use those exact words if you like. Hell, show her your post. I bet if you go to the ‘askmen’ subreddit, you’ll find most human males have this experience. Tons of women too. You’re in this together - if she’s some sort of super mom, you’ve already got a great resource in your corner!

Your feelings are valid, but there’s no need to feel like a disappointment if she probably won’t actually be disappointed. You have time! Parenting is teamwork not a competition, and no one is prepared until there’s literally a baby in your house and you just gotta roll with it.. Good luck!

sectorfour − Dude NONE of us were ready. My wife and I are very goal-oriented people. We bought a home on schedule, conceived and had our kids on schedule...everything was very planned out. The night we brought our firstborn home, she projectile shat across my arm and hand while I was changing her.

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In my sleep deprived state, I f**king girl-shrieked like I just saw Freddy Krueger. The wife came running and it was a whole scene. I think I’m a pro now, but none of us, no matter how much planning we do, are ever *ready* until you’ve lived through and active shitter situation.

anotherday_liketoday − You'll be fine. Few people are ever fully ready. My DH had never held a baby, let alone changed a diaper before our kids were born and now he's a pro. Be honest with your wife and start watching some videos and just, trying. Find some online new dad groups or like take a look at IG pages like fatherly. You'll be okay. Just try and try again. Don't just give up.

untdfreak − You’ve got this my man. My son blew out his diaper 3 times in 7 minutes. The rule in our house is if the baby shits on you, you change it. I’ve never seen my wife laugh so hard. If you need to talk to your wife about the teasing aspect of it, do what you’ve got to do.

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The rest of it comes naturally. If you love that little girl you will do what you need to. Don’t beat yourself up, but learn from these mistakes. Ps. If you have a boy he will totally pee on you. Not that big of a deal. Good luck!

miasabine − My sister felt quite similar before she had my nephew and niece. She had barely ever held a baby, much less changed a nappy. Just be honest with your wife. “Hon, I’ve got to admit, since we babysat your niece I’ve been really worried about how unprepared I am.

Seeing everything it takes and how experienced you are really drove home how clueless I am and I’m feeling really insecure and nervous about becoming a father”. She has probably already worked out that you’re feeling that way and will be glad you’re opening up to her about it.

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I would advise you to read some books on the subject and maybe watch some instructional videos on specifics like swaddling and changing nappies etc? I think what you’re struggling with right now is partly not feeling in control, and reading up on these things is one way to change that.

But most of all, just know that it’s incredibly common to feel this way and it does NOT mean you won’t be a great dad to your little one! You’re already showing a willingness to learn, improve and just try, which honestly makes all the difference in the world. You’ll also be doing this together with your wife, who is your team mate, not your competitor! You’re going to be fine, I’m sure of it.

NotTodayPsycho − To be fair, 2 year olds are little devils in disguise, not like newborns who stay still when you change them like little potatoes. See if there are some prenatal parenting classes in your area, if not some books about the basics will help

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redmooncat15 − My husband and I are expecting our first baby in December. He, like you, does not have much experience with kids. At first I wanted him to read the parenting books like I was but he just wouldn’t pick them up. He LOVES YouTube videos though and after watching a bunch with him, they actually give really great advice.

There are plenty of videos by other first time dads that I’m sure would help you feel more confident for when your new baby arrives. I do think you should just be honest with your wife about how your feeling. It sounds like she’s already somewhat aware but being honest about your feelings will really open up that door for communication when you (or her) might need it most. Best of luck!

Mindtaker − Talk to your wife dummy, we are all terrified of the first kid and not a single one of us had any f**king clue what we were doing. You take the classes to be kinda prepared, then the kid pops out, you get that new baby smell off the top of their head and then get ready to be even more terrified.

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Ill never understand why someone would think less of you because you are about to take on one of your lifes biggest responsibilities and it freaks you out a bit. She will think less of you because you don't trust her enough to be honest with her,

that you think so little of her that she wouldn't support you and help. Thats where you risk being thought less of.. Not being open and honest.. WE WERE ALL F**KING TERRIFIED. My kids 10, I am still f**king terrified. Get used to it bucko.

momofeveryone5 − Ok you got the cheerleader sections handled by everyone else, so I'm going to give you some actual how to's Automatically- you are the one who will know if your wife is having some postpartum depression issues, if you are concerned, talk to her. It's completely normal after delivery for the hormones to be everywhere.

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1. If any of your friends or family have a kid under 9 months, the age is crucial in this, then you need to ask them if you can hang out for a day and learn the ropes. Why 9 months? Bc this is still baby enough to learn the baby stuff but just venturing into the age of 'how can I kill or maime myself today?

Or nail daddy in the d**k with this toy?'. Most arn't walking yet so they still need carried around a lot too. But yeah, any baby 9 months or less, you will learn a ton in one day. 2. Find a few chores around the house that you and your wife can split now. Right now. I hate going up and down with laundry.

So when the kids were little I would pile up baskets of clean clothes and every weekish or so my husband would carry it all up. I'd fold it, then he'd carry it to to the bedrooms. At some point I would put it away and get the baskets back to the basement. Neither of us cared about pulling clothes out of a laundry basket as long as they are clean.

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We also started dishes dates. He would wash by hand whatever couldn't fit in the dishwasher. I would straighten up the kitchen and dry/put away the clean stuff. When we were done, we ran the dishwasher. It was done in 15 minutes and I wasn't resentful he didn't help around the house. He was happy that he contributed and we got to spend more time together.

3. Get a laundry bag (sometimes called lingerie bag) and keep it on the changing table. Hang it with a 3m hook. Put the baby socks and mitts in it. Then toss the bag in the wash. You won't lose those tiny fuckers then. And lose them, you will.

4. Speaking of socks, take them off at diaper changes. The baby will inevitably stick their foot into the poop at some point. If it bare skin, you wipe it off and continue. If it's on the sock, now you have a possible poop projectile. For real.

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5. Carseat. Get the extra bases. In the US, it's recommended that babies are rear facing til two. That's along time to s**ew around with car seats. Get the carseat about 2 months before her due date. Watch the installation videos. Try it yourself.

Then if you aren't confident, you can try to find a place to check it for you, like the fire station. Or find a veteran parent to point you in the right direction. They seem complicated and if you have 2 cars, you don't want to mess with it more then you need too.

6. Check your insurances. Home/life/car and health. Figure out what's covered for delivery and the baby at the hospital. What hospital has a pediatric unit and er and how far is it? Is it covered under insurance? Do you have life insurance?

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Does your car insurance cover a new carseat in the event of an accident? If you are in an accident and the baby is in the carseat, you need to replace it. These are things you can be busy with as the day gets closer and take off Mom's plate.

7. And lastly, babies are incredibly resilient. They can't be cuddled too much. Yes they can be over fed but it's hard to do. Do be scared to burp them. Yes you will gag them with a pacifier on accident, they will act like it's the end of the world but it isn't.

They will get sick, get the insurance nurse hotline and save it in your phone. You can always call for advice and to ask if this is normal or not. And put Poison Control in your phone, it's a piece of mind thing.. 8. If the hospital offers birthing class, go ahead and sign up. They can be fun!

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9. If you guys opt for formula, get the baby breeza, it's like a kurig for formula, omg it's so cool. If your wife nurses, everytime you see her sit bring her a glass of water. And last, 10. Figure out what you want to post on social media and who gets to know what when.

Who gets to be in the room? Who gets to come the first week? Ect. Figuring that stuff out now helps when the time comes too. You are already on the right track. And if you have any questions, pm me! I've been around the block a time or two lol!

These Reddit gems show a range of perspectives, but do they capture the full picture? Is this dad’s fear a universal rite of passage, or is there more to unpack?

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This dad-to-be’s journey from diaper disaster to soul-searching vulnerability is a reminder that parenthood is a wild, messy ride—and it’s okay to be scared. His love for his unborn child and respect for his wife shine through, proving he’s already got the heart of a great dad. By opening up, he can turn fear into a chance to grow alongside his partner. What would you do if you were in his shoes? Share your stories or advice in the comments—let’s help this nervous dad find his footing!

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