Ex girlfriend of my boyfriend (27M) reached out to me (19F) to warn me about him. What can I do?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In the glow of a new romance, a 19-year-old woman felt her heart race—until a message from her boyfriend’s ex cast a shadow over the butterflies. Just one month into dating a 27-year-old man, she’s caught in a whirlwind of intense moves, from talks of meeting parents to risky bedroom choices. The ex’s warning, delivered through a friend, paints a chilling picture of control, cheating, and a pattern of targeting younger women, stirring doubts that won’t quit.

This story dives into a young woman’s first love, tangled with red flags and tough choices. The ex’s claims mirror her own unease—rushed milestones, an age gap, and ignored boundaries. Is this a scorned ex stirring trouble, or a lifeline to escape a trap? As she plans to end things, the question looms: how do you break free when love feels like quicksand? Let’s unravel her next steps.

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‘Ex girlfriend of my boyfriend (27M) reached out to me (19F) to warn me about him. What can I do?’

Hey everyone! Recently, the ex girlfriend of my boyfriend reached out to me through a friend to warn me about my boyfriend and his family. Normally I would think that she wants her boyfriend back and is trying to disrupt our relationship. However, she talked about how they broke up randomly and he ghosted her after their two year relationship.

From other friends I know that their relationship was very serious (talking about marriage and home loans) so I do think that the break up is strange. Him and I started dating two weeks after that break up and have been moving very very quickly (for example, wanting to meet each others parents \[its been one month even though I've said I do not feel comfortable with that yet\]).

His ex said that their relationship moved very quickly too and he ended up cheating on her with his ex before her. I have asked friends for advice on this but they just said his ex girlfriend was trying to break us up. I have mixed feelings because she was bringing up real scenarios of concerns I had (unprotected s** because condoms 'doesn't feel as good' and our age gap which is significant...

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His ex \[who was younger than him as well\] said that he goes for younger girlfriends because they are easier to control). I do not know what to do because this is my first real relationship. I would love any advice. Thank you all so so much :) EDIT: Thank you all for the advice! I am planning on breaking up with him ASAP because I have realised that I may have been very naive... (things like giving me very visible hickeys when I asked him not too).

I have a double date with him tomorrow night so I would love your opinions on if I should go on this date then break up or break up before? This has made me really unhappy and I want to rip the band-aid off but I feel bad for the other couple who has organised the event...

Love at 19 can feel like a fairy tale, but this story reads more like a cautionary tale. The OP’s boyfriend, pushing for quick commitment and ignoring boundaries like condom use, raises alarms that echo his ex’s warnings of control and infidelity. His rush to meet parents after one month contrasts with her hesitation, highlighting a power imbalance. The ex’s claim about targeting younger women suggests a pattern, not a coincidence.

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Age-gap relationships aren’t inherently problematic, but a 2019 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that significant gaps in early adulthood often correlate with unequal power dynamics (src: journals.sagepub.com). Here, the boyfriend’s behavior—dismissing condoms, leaving visible hickeys—suggests manipulation. Dr. Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist, warns, “Controlling partners often use love-bombing to create dependency, especially with less experienced partners” (psychologytoday.com).

Analysis: The ex’s outreach, risking her own reputation, lends credibility to her warning. The OP’s gut, already uneasy, aligns with these red flags. Advice: Break up before the double date to avoid prolonging discomfort—do it privately, firmly, and block contact to prevent manipulation. Seek support from trusted friends or a counselor to process this.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s dropping truth bombs like it’s a reality show showdown. From calling out the boyfriend’s creepy vibes to urging the OP to trust her gut, the community’s got her back with fierce advice. Dive into their takes:

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QueenSaiCo − This man. -is almost 30 years old. -left a two year relationship when they started having adult conversations. -jumped into a new relationship with someone almost ten years younger than him two weeks later and now sounds like he's trying to rush the new relationship to the same level as his last one because he doesn't feel like spending another two years pretending to be a good guy.

And in the event that doesn't work out, there's always the risk of getting you pregnant with unprotected s**!. (Seriously? 'Condoms don't feel as good?' In *this* economy?). Ain't no way in hell she wants this man back and you shouldn't want him either.

Inside-Ad-9186 − Wow are you my daughter. Runaway girl, it's all about control. My daughter at 22 started dating a 36 year old man. They have been together for 5 years and have a 4 year old daughter now. He sabotages her education. When exams and finals come up she comes back to me because he starts fights with her. Only to return..  It's happening right now. .

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She is so miserable but keeps going back.  Sounds like if he doesn't d**p you like the ex, you will be in the same position as my daughter. I don't care what people say a 19 year old has no business with a 27 year old man. What he wants is #1 control and #2 s** (unprotected s**) #3 make you reliant on him.. There's a reason why he isn't with women his age. He is a loser.

chaoticneutralslime − Do what I didn’t, listen to the ex & save yourself a whole lot of trouble.

BayCuriousBAE − She’s setting off alarm bells that you already were concerned about, so take her words to heart. Sounds like he is love bombing you. Be cautious with this guy

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Puzzled_Feedback_840 − Listen to her. Meeting parents after one month is f**king insane. You two haven’t been moving quickly—he’s been pushing you to move at a bizarre and unhealthy pace. And he and his ex may have been talking about marriage, but he was lying. If the relationship had been sincere, he wouldn’t be entering into another “relationship” two weeks later.

A 27 year old is a full adult. A 19 year old is an adult in the eyes of the law, but usually just isn’f quite at the same level (obvi there are exceptions with 19 year olds who have had to help support themselves or their family so this isn’t always true). In reality, when a man near 30 is looking for women who are just past legal age,

it’s because a) women his age don’t want him because they recognize his brand of b**lshit and won’t tolerate it and b) he’s looking for women he can pressure into doing whatever he wants, and thinks he is more likely to be able to do that with someone much younger. Tl dr; you are dating a creep and also your friends are dumb, but you are smart as hell to recognize something isn’t right after only a month. Everyone but you needs an upgrade.

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feedback373737 − No 27 year old man is with a 19 year old girl with any good intentions. Your friends, sorry to say, sound very dumb. And this is your first relationship? AND he doesn't use condoms? PLEASE cut this short and find someone closer to your age before you get pregnant and become tied to this man.

[Reddit User] − Sis, your friends are incredibly naive. He is really really bad news. I get you are looking at this relationship through rose colored glasses but for your own sake its time to remove those rose colored glasses. Sis, you are BARELY an adult. You are so young - you have your entire life in front of you. This guy is in a different stage in life.

27 year old guys are not interested in 19 year old girls for their wit and good company - they are into them because its easy to manipulate them because they do not have the life experience to see through his BS. NEVER have s** with someone without condoms unless you are okay having a baby with them and Both of you have been tested for STIs. Your gut is telling you he is bad news because he is bad news. Trust your gut. Trust his ex.

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obvusthrowawayobv − This is a 27 year old man dating a teenager.. Of course the ex is right. No ex ‘enjoys’ contacting the current gf. It’s not fun, you get to be “the crazy ex”, and they risk having life problems and consequences. If an ex feels motivated to say s**t, it’s usually true, and even if it is not— normal people don’t have these problems.

awesomeblossoming − Actually, I would listen. Slow it down. Trust your gut. Have protected s**!

Used-Tangerine-117 − Instinct is telling you there’s a problem. Listen to it.. Also, an 8 year age gap at 30 and 38? Not that major.. But at 19 and 27? It’s huge.

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These fiery opinions cut through the fog, but do they nail the full picture? One thing’s certain—Reddit’s not here for sketchy love-bombers.

This young woman’s story is a wake-up call wrapped in a heartbreak. Caught in a whirlwind romance, she’s facing a tough but brave choice to walk away from a man whose charm hides control. The ex’s warning and her own instincts light the way forward. What would you do if a partner’s past raised red flags in your present? Share your stories and advice below—let’s guide her to a stronger future!

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