Boyfriend 32M of 2 years wants me 23F to be “normal” How do I proceed?
The soft hum of a new apartment filled the air, a fresh start for a 23-year-old woman hoping to weave her life closer to love. For two years, she poured her heart into her 32-year-old boyfriend, dreaming of a shared future. But his world remained locked—friends and family kept at a distance, her presence a secret. His sharp words, calling her “weird” and demanding a “normal” girlfriend, cut deeper than she expected, dimming the glow of their once-bright bond.
Her attempt to please him—adapting to his diets, enduring his critiques—left her feeling like a shadow of herself. A chlamydia diagnosis after his trip abroad and his dismissal of her pain cracked the facade. With depression and low self-esteem weighing heavy, she faced a choice: stay in a love that stung or find the courage to walk away.
‘Boyfriend 32M of 2 years wants me 23F to be “normal” How do I proceed?’
Love should lift, not crush, but this relationship reveals a pattern of control and dismissal. The boyfriend’s refusal to integrate his girlfriend into his life—hiding her from friends and family—signals a lack of commitment. His criticism of her apartment, belongings, and personality, paired with calling her “weird,” reflects emotional manipulation. Dr. Lundy Bancroft, an expert on abusive dynamics, notes, “Criticism disguised as ‘honesty’ often aims to erode self-esteem, keeping a partner off-balance.”
The chlamydia diagnosis, following his trip, strongly suggests infidelity, compounded by his gaslighting her concerns. His push for extreme diets and “normalcy” imposes control, not care. This aligns with broader issues of power imbalances, especially given their age and financial gap. Studies show 60% of women in controlling relationships report lower self-esteem.
Her decision to leave was a powerful step. Ending a first major relationship, especially with depression, takes immense strength. Building self-worth now is key—therapy can help her process past trauma, like her SA experience, and rebuild confidence. Joining supportive communities, like hobby groups, can foster connection without pressure.
For next steps, she should maintain no contact, block him on all platforms, and seek STI retesting in six months. Journaling her feelings can clarify her needs in future relationships. Surrounding herself with affirming friends, like the one who supported her breakup text, will reinforce her value. She’s already breathing easier—proof she’s on the path to healing.
Heres what people had to say to OP:
Reddit users served up raw, heartfelt takes with a pinch of humor. Most urged her to see his cheating and criticism as dealbreakers, calling him manipulative and uncommitted. Some highlighted the age gap and his secrecy as signs she was a “side piece.”
Others praised her courage in leaving, encouraging her to prioritize her worth and avoid men who diminish her. These candid opinions, though fiery, echo a truth: love shouldn’t shrink you. Reddit’s blunt chorus cheers her exit, reminding her that real partners celebrate, not degrade.
This story of a young woman breaking free from a toxic relationship shines as a beacon of resilience. Her boyfriend’s demands for “normal” and his hurtful actions tried to dim her light, but she chose herself, stepping into a future where her worth isn’t questioned. Healing from love’s bruises takes time, but her relief signals a new chapter of self-discovery.
Every heart faces moments where love feels like a cage. Have you walked away from a relationship that dulled your spark? Share your journey—how did you rebuild, and what helped you rediscover your strength? Your story could inspire others to find their own path to freedom.
