Am I wrong for wanting my boyfriend to work?

Picture a woman burning out, her 70-hour workweeks swallowed by bills for two—hers and her boyfriend’s $860/month truck. At 32, she’s carrying the load for her 28-year-old partner, who tosses $50 a week from selling old stuff and calls her “money-obsessed” for wanting him to work.

Sacrificing health screenings for his expenses, she’s at a breaking point. This isn’t just a money fight—it’s a battle for fairness, pulling readers into a raw clash of love and responsibility.

‘Am I wrong for wanting my boyfriend to work?’

I 32F have been with my boyfriend 28M for six years now. Our biggest struggle and what causes the most arguments is getting him to work. I pay for 95% of what we do. If we wants a drink at the gas station, we’re pulling out my card do it. I want to be clear that I have no problem helping with finances (I mean obviously, I pay for mostly everything haha) but when he’s barely contributing, it really gets to me.

At this point, he’s just selling his items for extra cash so he contributes about $50 a week. In the past, he did Uber eats but again, he contributed about $50 a week because he just wouldn’t turn the app on, or it’d be slow when he would. He was at risk at getting his $860 a month truck repossessed and still barely contributed financially.

Of course I broke down and paid for it all because I’d never want that to happen I mean how embarrassing. I’m working 70 hours a week to make sure we’re ok. I barely get off time and it’s really getting to me. I, personally, do well for myself. It’s frustrating and upsetting getting a nice check but knowing that the entire check will be spent on covering his bills and daily life expenses.

I’m upset because I can never treat myself to new clothes, a facial, whatever because I have to make sure he’s ok and his bills are covered. I can’t even go home to visit my family 10 hours away because if I do, then his truck won’t get paid.

When I get upset about it, I’m told about how “evil” my values are and how I’m just obsessed with money. He can’t believe that I get upset over something like money because it “isn’t real” and money is just paper. I’m not obsessed with money and working but I feel like I have to be to make sure we don’t sink and can get by.

When I reflect, I wonder if I am mean? Should I not be getting upset over money? I’m close to just ending things honestly because I feel very taken advantage of but I’m afraid I’d regret it when I start to feel alone. What should I do?

Edit: I should’ve added this earlier but I also have lynch syndrome!! Basically, I have a higher chance of getting colon cancer and I’m supposed to get a colonoscopy every year but I can’t because I have to make sure his bills are paid

Love shouldn’t mean bankrolling someone else’s life, but this woman’s boyfriend is riding her coattails while she works herself ragged. Covering 95% of their costs, including his $860/month truck, she’s not just stressed—she’s skipping vital colonoscopies for Lynch syndrome, risking her health. His $50/week contribution and gaslighting her as “evil” for wanting him to work scream exploitation. Her demand for him to step up isn’t cruel; it’s survival.

This scenario exposes a stark relationship imbalance: one-sided financial duty. The boyfriend’s refusal to work, coupled with dismissing her valid concerns, erodes partnership. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, notes, “Fairness in contributions builds trust; inequity breeds resentment” (5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great). A 2023 Fidelity study shows 45% of couples argue over financial roles, with lopsided burdens often ending relationships.

Her health neglect is critical—Lynch syndrome carries a 70% colon cancer risk, per the National Cancer Institute, making annual screenings non-negotiable. Fear of loneliness traps her, but Dr. Orbuch suggests setting firm boundaries: a 30-day deadline for him to cover his bills, as Reddit advised, could test his commitment. Redirecting funds to her health and self-care is a must. She’s not wrong for wanting equity—her worth demands it.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crowd didn’t mince words, unloading on the boyfriend’s leeching with sass and tough love. Here’s a peek at their fiery takes on this money mess!

Royal_Dragonfly_4496 − Oh man, girl. Oh … oh man. I watched my mom do this with two husbands, and my sister do this with her husband. It is going to kill your love for him. Sit this mf down and tell him he has 30 days to find a job. After 30 days he must contribute 1/2 of the shared expenses and 100% of his personal expenses.

Let him know the money train has left the station without him on it. If thirty days go by and he hasn’t found a job, you’re breaking up with him. He has to move out and move back in with his mom since you’re not his mom. Please set some boundaries for the love of God, you will hate his guts if you tolerate this for much longer.

RedInAmerica − WTF? Stop letting him coast while you bust your ass. You’d be better off alone, at least you’d only have to pay for your own stuff.

KillaKillaGabby − 6 years of this? Bless your heart, WHY.

Salassion − Let him know that if money isn’t real or important then he doesn’t need any of your money to pay for his bills and you will expect him to pay his own bills or lose his things.

_iSh1mURa − Reddit help!!! Someone murdered my family, burnt down my house, and raped my dog. Am I in the wrong for calling the police?

EnvironmentEuphoric9 − Homegirl, you’re way too old to be doing this. You know he needs to pay for his own way. He’s a leech. A mooch. Go get some therapy and realize your worth. I have second hand embarrassment for you, girl.

SuburbaniteMermaid − Six years? You've spent six years being his breadwinner and his bang maid?. My God, woman, do you have no self respect at all?. What the hell is wrong with young women these days? Why don't they have any standards at all?

roriebear82 − My ex was also a leech. He would work Uber or random construction jobs that lasted a month, and I would stay because he was

So even when he was helping, he really wasn't. It started slowly, but before I knew it, I was paying for everything even when he was working. I wasted 5 years with him and went into about $10,000 in debt. If you're not 100% sure about leaving him. Try cutting off from your money. Keep paying the stuff that affects you and your credit score.

See how he reacts to having to pay for his own drinks and car. That should give you all the answers you need. And don't be scared about being alone. These guys make us feel like we are nothing when, in reality, they are nothing without us. You are the true catch in this relationship. He can't even pay his own bills. But there is a guy out there who can be a true partner to you

Consistent-Koala-339 − I can imagine the look on my wifes face if I bought an 860 dollar a month truck and expected her to pay for it

Junior-Damage7568 − Your his sugar mommy

These Reddit jabs, from demanding boundaries to calling out mooching, pack a punch. But do they light the way forward or just roast?

This woman’s fight isn’t about dollars—it’s about dignity. Wanting her boyfriend to work isn’t mean; it’s reclaiming her life from his freeloading. With health risks looming and his gaslighting stinging, she’s at a crossroads. When does supporting a partner become enabling? Have you carried too much in a relationship? Drop your stories below and let’s dive into balancing love with fairness!

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