Am I wrong for not wanting to follow my husband’s tradition?

Imagine sitting down for a cozy family dinner, only to be told you “owe” everyone a meal because you grabbed a burger with a friend last week. For one 37-year-old woman, this isn’t a quirky sitcom plot—it’s her husband’s family tradition, a peculiar game of tit-for-tat that’s been baffling her for years. From sodas to lunches, the “you owe me” rule has now roped in her 14-year-old daughter, sparking a showdown that’s equal parts absurd and relatable.

Caught between her husband’s insistence and her daughter’s confusion, this mom is drawing a line in the sand, refusing to play along with a custom that feels more like a prank than a family bond. Her Reddit post lights up with reactions, pulling readers into a whirlwind of laughter, disbelief, and debate. Is she wrong for shutting down this odd tradition, or is it time to rewrite the family rulebook?

‘Am I wrong for not wanting to follow my husband’s tradition?’

Me (37F) and my husband (38M) are pretty average. We mostly get along. There's one thing his family does that I could never get behind. When I first met his brother he looked at me really weird for drinking a can of soda. After a song of dance of asking him what was up and if he wanted something, he basically told me this thing their family does.

According to him, I

This was atoned for as I paid for everyone's dinner the following night. I let it go, because imo it was so bizarre. His brother and family continued to go this weird thing with me, him, and each other. I mostly ignored it or

I went to a special lucheon with my coworkers and didn't tell my husband. Why would I? He's cooking dinner. I'm a bad cook. : I do dishes and pull my weight. I start talking about the lunch and some things he likes to eat that were there. He says I owe him a lunch. I just laugh it off. He basically says since I'm now a Smith (not our real lastname), I have to do this.

After almost a week of himing and hawing, it's agreed I don't have to do it but all born in Smiths must. Fast forward and we have a born in Smith. Our daughter. Once she reached about 6, she started noticing all the items and money her father

Like how you go to church with me and daddy likes to sleep in

If I ask you to come to the movies and you say no, I don't owe you the price of the ticket and any snack

Family traditions can be heartwarming, but this one feels like a social experiment gone rogue. The expectation that one person’s solo experience—like grabbing a soda—creates a debt for the whole family is, frankly, bonkers. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist and author, notes, “Healthy family traditions foster connection, not obligation. When customs create resentment, it’s time to renegotiate” (Psychology Today). This perspective highlights the strain this “owing” rule places on relationships.

The woman’s frustration is understandable: her husband’s family sees this as playful bonding, but she views it as a boundary-crossing burden. Her daughter’s involvement adds complexity, as the teen now expects “repayments” her mom won’t provide. This setup risks confusing the girl about social norms, as a 2023 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that unclear family expectations can lead to adolescent stress (APA).

Lerner’s advice centers on open dialogue. The woman could calmly explain to her husband and daughter that this tradition feels unfair and propose new ways to bond, like shared outings.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s reactions to this tradition are a wild ride, from baffled rants to outright hilarity. Here’s a taste of the community’s unfiltered thoughts:

PrestigiousTrouble48 − Sounds like some weird f**king game that got out of hand.

squirlysquirel − I am so confused...so get it... If 1 of the family does something without any other member of the family...then that person has to give everyone an equivalent?. Like...any time. ever.. Os if you take your child to Disneyland, you owe his parents and siblings a trip too?. How far does this reach...cousins?

Grandparents?. Do they give you and husband and child something every time they go out? How does husband owe your child things? Lime if he has a work lunch or does something with his friends?. The logic is making my brain implode

Antique_Somewhere542 − That is the weirdest s**t ever and I cannot believe you let your husband confuse your daughter about actual property and social etiquette. I bet shes confused about this until she is like 25

Whosarobot313 − I don’t understand what the f**k any of this is. You have lunch with a friend so you owe him lunch? Why? If he goes to dinner with his parents without you does he owe you dinner? If you have something, your husband has to have it? Is this some weird tit for tat, all things must be “equal” thing? Reading this upset me. Your poor daughter.

grayblue_grrl − This is not a

Peraltiago80 − What the hell did I just read? And what the hell did you marry into. What a strange family.

Full_Expression9058 − This is so weird. Why did you let this go on for so long?

EmotionalPop7886 − Your poor daughter isn't going to understand when she's out on her own, and nobody's giving her things just because they got it. Like if she's at a friend's house, and the parent is eating something, is she going to tell them they owe her one too? You're not setting her up for the real world. This whole thing is stupid.. UpdateMe!

judgemental_t − This is the stupidest thing I have ever read on reddit and that’s saying a lot… You not only married into this, but you actually allowed your child to be raised for going on 14 years into this stupidity. You are wrong for letting this rot into your child and succumbing to their family pressure. This ain’t normal.

SamiHami24 − So har far does this go? If he buys a car, is he supposed to buy one for every member of his family? A house? Vacations?. None of this makes any sense.

These comments swing from “what the heck is this?” to “stop this madness!” But do they nail the issue, or are they just popcorn-munching spectators? One thing’s clear: this tradition has Reddit scratching its collective head.

This woman’s clash with her husband’s odd family tradition is a reminder that not all customs are created equal. By standing her ground, she’s protecting her daughter from a confusing mindset while sparking a broader conversation about family expectations. Whether you’re chuckling at the absurdity or cringing at the drama, one question lingers: how do you handle traditions that don’t vibe with your values? Share your stories and hot takes below—what would you do in this bizarre family game?

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