AITAH for wanting separation and co-parenting instead of working on my marriage?

A dream of family turned into a nightmare of betrayal, isolation, and survival. What started as a joyful pregnancy—high-risk but hopeful—spiraled into postpartum depression, a cheating husband, and a mother left to raise her son alone while pretending everything was fine. She quit her job to be a SAHM, only to become a full-time servant to a man who checked out emotionally and physically, sneaking off to an affair while she battled anxiety and fear of losing custody.

Three years later, the affair’s over, the mistress is gone, and suddenly he wants his wife back—like nothing happened. He demands intimacy, counseling, normalcy. She offers two choices: co-parent as roommates or divorce. He calls her cold. Her parents side with him. Reddit? A firestorm of NTA—with a clear message: You don’t owe a cheater a second chance. This isn’t revenge. It’s rebuilding—on her terms.

Excitement over a planned pregnancy quickly turned tough with high risks and early leave usage.

Post-birth realities hit hard, with PPD, anxiety, and no family backup.

The real gut-punch came at 10 months, uncovering betrayal amid her lowest point.

She shifted gears quietly, prioritizing stability over confrontation.

Recent shifts brought the tension front and center, with him seeking a reset.

She laid out her firm stance on the future.

This situation reveals the complex intersection of mental health, relationship trauma, and self-preservation. The poster’s response to discovering infidelity while battling postpartum depression wasn’t weakness, it was a survival strategy during her most vulnerable period.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, trauma expert and author of “The Body Keeps the Score,” explains that “trauma produces actual physiological changes, including a recalibration of the brain’s alarm system, an increase in stress hormone activity, and alterations in the system that filters relevant information from irrelevant.” Her fear-based response and focus on protecting access to her child reflect typical trauma responses during mental health crises.

The husband’s argument that silence equals forgiveness fundamentally misunderstands how betrayal impacts relationships. The poster didn’t ignore the affair; she emotionally exited the marriage while maintaining practical arrangements for their child’s wellbeing. Her current boundaries reflect someone who has processed the betrayal on her own timeline and reached clarity about what she needs.

The practical advice here is clear: continue protecting financial independence and legal standing. Marriage counseling could be valuable, but only if both parties genuinely want to rebuild. Her emotional detachment isn’t coldness, it’s the natural result of years of neglect and betrayal. She has every right to define what her marriage looks like going forward, or to end it entirely.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Many users defended the poster’s right to maintain boundaries regardless of when she confronted the affair, emphasizing that betrayal doesn’t come with expiration dates.

Others pointed out the absurdity of the husband’s argument and the questionable alliance between him and the poster’s parents.

Some other comments from users.

This story captures the painful reality that some relationships end long before anyone files divorce papers. The poster’s journey from vulnerable new mother to emotionally independent co-parent reflects quiet strength that defied expectations. Her refusal to resurrect a marriage that died years ago doesn’t make her cold; it makes her honest. Trust once broken doesn’t automatically repair because someone suddenly wants reconciliation. What would you do if you discovered infidelity during a mental health crisis?