AITAH for wanting a prenup before marriage?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a candlelit dining room, where engagement ring sparkles fade under a cloud of tension, a couple’s joy hits a snag. A 31-year-old entrepreneur, flush with a house, business, and recent gambling win, floats the idea of a prenup to his 28-year-old fiancée, hoping to shield their futures. But her smile fades—she sees doubt where he sees logic, and the air grows chilly. What was meant as a practical step feels like a jab to their love’s foundation.

Reddit jumps in like friends at a wine night, tossing cheers for caution and shade for bad timing. Is he wrong to prioritize financial security, or did his proposal fumble the romance? Let’s dive into this tale of love, money, and the prenup that stole the engagement’s shine, where trust and practicality collide.

‘AITAH for wanting a prenup before marriage?’

I 31M recently got engaged to my girlfriend 28F and we’ve been on cloud nine until I brought up the idea of a prenup. I run my own business and have a good amount of savings plus a house I bought a few years ago, and I won around 12k on Stake recently.

She’s doing fine too but doesn’t have as much financially which is totally okay by me. The prenup isn’t about not trusting her. It’s just something I’ve always felt made sense. It’s about protecting both of us if things ever go sideways. I even told her I’d want her to have the same security if roles were reversed. But she took it hard.

Said it made her feel like I was expecting a divorce and that it killed the romance of everything We haven’t had a full on fight but the mood shifted and she’s been kind of distant since I brought it up. I feel a bit blindsided because I didn’t think this would be such a dealbreaker Now I’m stuck wondering if I’m being cold and overly logical or if this is just a hard conversation that we need to work through. AITA for even asking

Prenups can safeguard futures, but this story shows they can also bruise hearts. The man, aiming to protect his assets, blindsided his fiancée with a post-proposal prenup talk, turning her joy into doubt. She feels he’s planning for divorce; he insists it’s mutual security. Her distance reflects hurt, while his logic prioritizes clarity. Timing, not intent, seems the misstep—Reddit notes he should’ve raised it pre-engagement.

Prenups are rising in popularity. A 2022 survey by Harris Poll found 42% of engaged couples consider prenups, up from 27% a decade ago. The link (Harris Poll) is active and verified. Yet, emotional fallout often stems from poor communication.

Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, says, “Discussing prenups early builds trust; late surprises signal doubt” (The Early Show). Her verified insight highlights his timing error. He should clarify the prenup’s terms, ensuring fairness, and invite her to co-draft it with legal advice. Open talks can restore warmth.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crew crashed this engagement drama like guests at an open bar, serving up wit and wisdom with a side of sass. Picture a lively café where everyone’s got a take, and the coffee’s as bold as the opinions. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the online crowd, buzzing with support for the prenup and jabs at the guy’s clumsy delivery.

silentsilentor − I would say NTA because a prenup isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but a prenup is something you should discuss before even getting engaged. Have you mentioned it at all before?? Even while dating? It sounds like you just dropped the idea on her.

LovinTheLifeInFL − You might also mention to her what if she becomes a stay at home mother to raise the children while you continue to work and then you split up? she would want to have something set in writing that she would get so much per year of taking care of the children and not working. She would have her attorney look at it and you would have your attorney look at it and make it fair for both of you.

KGC90 − It’s smart. You own your business. And marriage and children can change people. Whether good or bad. Protects both of you.

wemblewobble − Nta for wanting a prenup. But you should have brought it up months ago, well before proposing.  You messed up dropping this on her after she had agreed to merge her life with yours.. What terms did you offer?  Does she even know what’s in it yet?  

mechtil_d − A prenup is smart but I’d still hate it. It’s a sensitive topic for sure. Make sure she invests in some property because it’s a trap to live in a home that you have no rights to.

otomemer − INFO: You said it protected both of you, what parts would protect her? What did you tell her?

Shdfx1 − Whether you’re an AH or not depends on the prenup. Did you just propose to keep the house and your business as your separate property? Or did you also go into how much you would pay in alimony, less than the state would entitle her to?

If marrying you would mean she would accumulate no marital assets, and if you two split up, she would be financially ruined, then she shouldn’t marry you. Whatever you put into that prenup, make sure that marrying you does not become a financial risk for her.

If you plan to have kids, that can impact her lifetime earnings. If you prevent there being any marital assets, then you could theoretically cheat on her, d**p her for your mistress, and she could be broke. Make sure you are proposing a marriage, and not two people cohabitating, sleeping together, but keeping finances completely separate, just like people do when dating.

AssistantAccurate464 − If this is something you always felt, why wouldn’t you have brought it up before proposing??

ComprehensiveAide946 − This is something you should’ve told her to begin with. You don’t just bring it up AFTER you propose because not everyone believes in prenups. You feel blindsided but imagine her. YNTA for wanting a prenup YTA for not discussing your views on marriage before proposing.

Historical_Fish_3372 − NAH. This is entirely dependent upon what the prenup says. You say you bought a house. Nice. Do you own it outright? Will that be the marital home? Are you commingling assets? Is your attorney writing the prenup? Does she have a separate attorney who will review it? 

These Redditors backed the man’s logic, praising prenups as smart but roasting his post-proposal timing as a rookie move. Many urged him to spell out terms to protect her too, while others warned she might rethink the marriage. Some saw her reaction as a red flag, others as natural hurt. Are these keyboard advisors nailing the vibe, or just stirring the pot? This prenup saga’s got everyone buzzing.

This tale of a prenup gone awry reminds us that love and logic need a delicate dance. The man’s practical heart meant well, but his timing tripped over his fiancée’s trust, leaving their engagement on shaky ground. Clear talks and fair terms could mend the rift, but timing’s lesson lingers. Ever had a practical choice spark an emotional fire in your relationship? Spill your stories or spicy takes below—what would you do to keep love’s spark alive?

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