AITAH for telling my wife I want a divorce after she gave me a concussion?

In a home filled with the laughter of a 4-year-old daughter and a young son, a father’s world tilted when a 2-pound box struck his head, thrown by his wife in a heated argument. The blow left him with a concussion, a week of debilitating symptoms, and a stark realization: her pattern of emotional and physical abuse, spanning seven years, had reached a breaking point. Her dismissive “I didn’t mean it” and manipulative accusations of him “not trying” in therapy only deepened his resolve to divorce, despite guilt over his children’s future. Now, with a protection order in motion, he’s navigating a path to safety.

This isn’t just about a head injury; it’s a chilling tale of domestic violence and a father’s fight to protect himself and his kids. Can he break free from manipulation, or will guilt hold him back? It’s a story of courage amid pain.

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‘AITAH for telling my wife I want a divorce after she gave me a concussion?’

His anguish and determination spill out in a gripping Reddit post, detailing the violent incident and his decision to leave. Here’s his story, raw and unfiltered:

After work I was playing with my son and went to the kitchen to throw out a diaper. When I walked into the room my wife started shouting at me, claiming I hadn't been doing anything since I got home. Mind you, I had just spent 2 hours cleaning the kitchen, washing dished, picking up the living room and putting my daughter to bed before going to the living room to play with my son while I continued to pick up.

I was frustrated by her comment and asked her what she meant and outlined everything I had been doing. I left the room and started to walk up the stairs to my living room I was struck in the side of head with a sealed cardboard box weighing about 2 pounds.

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This was from about 15 feet away and thrown at full force so I was dazed for a moment, after confronting her about why she did this, she continued to yell at me and didn't show any concern. Upset and in quite a bit of pain I went to sit with my son and process what had just happened.

After about 45 minutes I was experiencing a growing headache, and having some problems with the muscles in the right side of my face and jaw. I gave her my son and told her I had to go to the ER because something wasn't right. I ended up spending the night in a hotel, and the next day began contacting resourced and scheduling follow medical and mental health appointments.

The headache lasted 8 days and I experienced a wide range of symptoms related to head injury. I missed over a full week of work, and it has been a pretty difficult experience navigating all my emotions while recovering, and experiencing some bizarre cognitive issues. Needless to say I've been keeping my distance from my wife while I've been recovering.

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Over the last few years I've also been dealing with regular emotional abuse in the form of insults, constant belittling, and threats of divorce, This is probably the sixth incident of violent behavior from her in the last 7 years, and the only time she had used an object, and I have serious concern that she could have just as easily thrown something that could have broken my skull.

I'm now seriously concerned about what will happen next time, and I'm not willing to wait and find out only to realize I should have left long ago. She has no diagnosed mental health disorders but how out of control she is when she is angry is now very alarming and it seems to be escalating.

Additionally, she refuses to apologize for any of her words or actions since I met her, even after a diagnosed concussion. All she will say regarding this event are things like, 'You know I didn't mean it, I can't aim that well.' Over the last week I was essentially living in a blacked out bed room and listening to audio books between my frequent naps.

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Up to yesterday I have avoided engaging her in conversation, or anything that seems like I'm being baited into an argument. I don't have the mental or emotional capacity to handle an emotionally charged conversation, and wanted to focus on my recovery. Last night I told her I've been walking on egg shells around her for the last year, I'm not comfortable being around her and don't see there being any way to mend the relationship after this.

I just don't see myself being able to emotionally open up to someone who has injured me, ever. Her response has been to schedule marriage counseling, and she keeps making strange comments about how I have to be willing to make it work for counseling to be effective.

She don't seem to have the ability to understand that this won't ever be water under the bridge, and that she's destroyed what was left of our relationship, which isn't much as there has been no physical intimacy in 2 years due to some medical complications from the pregnancy and birth of our son.

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She refuses any physical contact and lately I have been struggling with the idea of continuing to live this strange celibate lifestyle for the sake of maintaining a stable home for my children. I've been open about this with my close friends and mentors, and know I need to leave because domestic violence rarely stops, and I want better for myself and my children.

I decided to pursue divorcing her, and I think a large part of telling so many people is to force my own hand due to the embarrassment and shame that staying with her would cause. I told the therapist this and that I want his help navigating towards this goal, but I'm having a very hard time. I'm struggling with the idea of tearing my family apart and the effect it will have on my four year old daughter.

Today she was being unusually sweet and wanted to sit with me, when I refused she made me out the be the a**hole, and accused me of 'not wanting to try.' I feel like I'm being heavily manipulated and my desire to be the peacemaker and nurturer is being twisted against me, when I mentioned this she got highly offended, and accused me of wanting to destroy our family.

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This has been a wild experience and has been difficult to process. I have no experience with emotional or physical abuse in a relationship prior to this. Am I being the a**hole for refusing to entertain opening up to her, or participate in couples therapy due to fear of being manipulated? Should I stick to what I know to do intellectually, and totally ignore my emotions and stick to my initial instinct to leave her?

This father’s ordeal is a harrowing glimpse into domestic violence, where a thrown box became the final straw in a seven-year pattern of emotional and physical abuse. His wife’s escalating behavior—insults, belittling, and now a concussion-causing attack—paired with her refusal to apologize, reveals a dangerous dynamic. Her manipulative tactics, like accusing him of “destroying the family” for rejecting therapy, aim to keep him trapped. His fear for his children’s safety, especially if he’s no longer her target, underscores the urgency of his divorce decision.

Domestic violence is alarmingly common. A 2023 CDC report found that 1 in 4 men experience intimate partner violence, with 10% facing physical injury (source: CDC Intimate Partner Violence). Her lack of remorse and history of violence align with patterns of abusers who escalate over time, validating his safety concerns.

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Dr. Lundy Bancroft, an expert on abusive relationships, notes, “Abusers rarely change without accountability, and minimization—like claiming ‘I didn’t mean it’—is a red flag” (source: Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft). Bancroft’s insight frames her dismissive response as a tactic to dodge responsibility, while her therapy push may be a bid to maintain control. The father’s instinct to prioritize safety over reconciliation is sound, especially with children at risk.

He should continue with the protection order and divorce proceedings, leaning on his attorney and support network. Therapy for himself, via resources like Psychology Today (source: Psychology Today), can help process trauma and co-parenting fears. Documenting her behavior ensures legal protection for him and his kids. Couples therapy is risky with abusers, as it can amplify manipulation, supporting his refusal.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s community rallied with fierce support for this father’s choice, offering raw, heartfelt takes—dive into their wisdom!

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blackgunner12 − Did you tell the doctor how you got your concussion? Or the police.

SubstantialBreak3063 − NTA. this is domestic violence and you should take it very seriously. Please explore resources in your area, consider contacting the police to make an official report, and also consider very seriously how to keep yourself safe. I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you and your family, please stay safe 🙏

LeaJadis − Eventually, she going to start being physical towards the kids. NTAH.

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MelonsAndDucks − NTA. Get out and if you have capacity, try to get full custody of your children because I’m a bit scared of her “anger” being taken out on the children when you’re not around.

There’s a lot of gaslighting you’ve experienced, not just recently but over a long time, and she has no ownership over the harm to you which is scary and shows quite narcissistic traits. You’re doing the right thing, don’t let her twist your mind. You will recover from this but it’ll take time and this is the first step. Good luck.

dannys717 − NTA. “Her response has been to schedule marriage counseling, and she keeps making strange comments about how I have to be willing to make it work for counseling to be effective.”

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That is exactly how my relationship with my ex was. She claimed to want to work on things, but then kept telling me that I needed to be the one to make changes, basically blaming her anger and abuse on me not being a perfect partner. She’s not going to get better. You should contact an attorney right away and definitely document everything, as the custody battle will be contentious.

joehonestjoe − Wife of the year here, concusses the guy, continues to chew him out, then lets him, I'm assuming, drive off to hospital by himself with a brain injury.. Absolutely NTA, get her fucked right off out of your life.

WTH_JFG − If you are in the US, please reach out to the to find out about help and resources in your area. It is understandable that you are struggling with the idea of tearing your family apart, and the effect that it will have on your daughter.

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However, consider the trauma of growing up in a violent home. Is your daughter safe with your spouse or does she need to be removed from the situation as well?. You do what you need to do for yourself and your physical and mental well-being.

Embarrassed_Yard_206 − imo leave her you’ve said you dont wanna open up to someone that has injured you she’s a red flag just take her to court atp.

Significant-Bet-7732 − What safe secure environment for your children? They are not idiots...they are very intelligent and emotionally aware sponges what they are not is good at having the vocabulary to say what's in their head.

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Do you know what else children are? Resilent. Two happy homes with mom and dad living apart is happier than one home where they witness domestic violence. . Protect yourself and your children.

Dependent_River_2966 − Report this to the police. If she doesn't have you to explode at, your children will become targets. You need to document DV and get a divorce.

These Redditors fueled his resolve, but are their insights on point, or just emotional?

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This father’s story is a gut-wrenching journey through abuse, injury, and resolve, with a concussion from his wife’s violence cementing his path to divorce. Her manipulation and refusal to own her actions clash with his need to protect himself and his children. As he moves forward with legal steps, can he shield his kids from harm and heal? What would you do when abuse threatens your family’s safety? Share your advice, stories, or reactions in the comments—let’s keep it real!

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